Connect with us

Hi, what are you looking for?

The American GeniusThe American Genius

Opinion Editorials

Being a people pleaser gets a bad rap but shouldn’t

The term “people pleaser” often gets used to point to suck ups or weak people, but there’s more to being a people pleaser than wanting to be liked.

people pleaser

people pleaser

The term “people pleaser” gets a bad rap

“People pleaser.” This is one of those terms that is positive to some and negative to others. According to some experts, people pleasing is a psychological condition. Those who are unhappy with themselves, specifically their self images, tend to overcompensate by people pleasing. I, on the other hand, disagree to an extent. Perhaps this breed on people pleasing does exist, but for me, people pleasing is more of a stewardship. A service. Giving back. WWJFD. What Jesus would freegin’ do!

That said, I see where people pleasing can go horribly wrong. In fact I see it every day on Facebook. I have a select few acquaintances who are constantly posting enraged rants about everything they’ve done for someone. Later, when they feel like an opportunity passed for someone who they’ve helped to help them, the harangue gets ugly. Bible verses get misconstrued. Commandments misquoted. Unfriending (gasp!) is boldly threatened. This is that aforementioned psychological people pleasing condition–the kind where you are overcompensating to get others to like you. It causes self neglect, resentment, stress, and depression. Or maybe these things cause the need to people please. Eh. Chicken or egg.

How a people pleaser really operates

I, however, think these people give people pleasing a bad name. My thirty, thirty-five, (sigh) thirty-eight years on earth have been quite tumultuous. Military moves, wars, hurricanes, family deaths followed by family controversy (aren’t they always), tornadoes, unemployment, NICU babies…. I’ve survived it all and then some, and when I see someone going through something similar, I can empathize. I know what they are feeling, what they need, and what they don’t even know they need, and I want to help.

When I work with people who are experiencing stress or trauma, I will often offer to take on their deadlines or projects. I don’t do it to please. I do it because that’s what they need.

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

If you can learn to help for the sake of helping, give for the sake of giving, and work or the sake of working, you will get a giant return in calm, peace, and spirit.

If you are helping for the sake of reciprocity, log on to Facebook. Things are about to get ugly.

Written By

Kristyl Barron holds a BA in English Education from the University of Central Oklahoma and an MHR in Counseling/Organizational Management from the University of Oklahoma. Barron has been writing professionally since 2008, and projects include a memoir entitled Give Your Brother Back His Barbie and an in progress motivational book called Aspies Among Us.

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Advertisement

The
American Genius
news neatly in your inbox

Subscribe to our mailing list for news sent straight to your email inbox.

Advertisement

KEEP READING!

Business News

Being a people-pleaser comes naturally to some people but can be a professional disadvantage. Let's discuss how to know if you're over the top...

Business News

Being a people pleaser can lead some to take on too much, to always say yes, and then, despite good intentions, they disappoint. Let's...

Business Entrepreneur

Being the bad news boss is never a pleasant job, but there are a few approaches to help you communicate with your employee after...

The American Genius is a strong news voice in the entrepreneur and tech world, offering meaningful, concise insight into emerging technologies, the digital economy, best practices, and a shifting business culture. We refuse to publish fluff, and our readers rely on us for inspiring action. Copyright © 2005-2022, The American Genius, LLC.