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Opinion Editorials

Bring the kiss – ways to kiss your career goodbye

Apparently some agents will promise anything to fill their open houses and to sell their properties. I’m beginning to wonder if some of the typos I find are intentional. There just can’t be that much booze in this world… You guessed it –  it’s Blooper Friday, folks:

Peculiar Open Houses

“Bring the kiss for fun” (Only if you bring your wallet for dinner.)

“Wine and chest served” (Another party guaranteed to leave lasting mammaries…)

“Drip in between 2-5” (I’ll alert AARP – they all have leaking problems.)

“Join us at Sunset – wine, cheese, 3 piece condo” (Methinks a “3 piece condo” is best complemented by hammers and nails.)

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“Coffee and muffits served” (BYOB curds and whey.)

Curious Offers

“Labor Daf sale” (I see you stocked up.)

“Discount for cast” (You’ll need one when the seller breaks your knees.)

“We do shot sales” (Cool, line up the Cuervo and pass the salt.)

“Rose covered ark” (Noah must be entering the Rose Bowl Parade.)

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“Pigged floor in living room” (‘Seems someone is bringing home the bacon…) 

Mumbo Dumbo

“Stereo peakers included” (Oh great – musical peeping Toms.)

“Please test me” (You already flunked, Vinnie Barbarino.)

“New surf on deck” (Wet house at high tide.)

“Wok of Art” (Another circular home designed by Arthur Long Gone Wong)

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More Than I Ever Needed To Know

“Ask about our shorts” (Okay – how’d you get the brown stains?)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Matt Stigliano

    September 16, 2011 at 11:24 am

    You never fail to amuse me Gwen. I don't what's funnier – the gaffes or your commentary.

  2. Gwen Banta

    September 16, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Matt, how are you doing??? I am at my best when you and Joe Loomer are egging me on! I hope you are happy, busy and well – still rockin' in the free world 🙂

  3. Rachel LaMar, J.D.

    September 17, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Absolutely hilarious! I recently wrote a blog about the obviously poor editing skills of some Realtors. It always surprises me, but keeps me laughing…love the commentary!

  4. Gwen Banta

    September 19, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Thanks, Rachel. The best bloopers are when the photos are as looney as the listing remarks. I saw one that had the headline "Butefull house" with a photo of a hamster in a cage. I don't know what happened, but it was hysterical.

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