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Opinion Editorials

Dear Mom, Hello From Nutville… Love, the MLS

It’s Friday – time for another “tour” of MLS  comedyville…and I haven’t even had my first martini. I cannot give all the credit to the MLS this week. I found some great gaffs in the Los Angeles Times, Homes and Land, and the MLS Weekend Guide. The best, however, was contributed by Tami Johnson of Phoenix.  I suggest you pour yourself a tall one, kick off your shoes and begin Friday Happy Hour while enjoying these arrow-through-the-head sales pitches:

Hello From Nutville

“We chuck all credentials” (Motto on Coat of Arms for our beloved Congress…)

“Short Sale – Will Go Fast!” (HaHaHaHa…My dead grandmother could move faster…)

“Call for more inflamat’n” (Offered by Hookers-R-Us)

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“Cute congo close to bust stop” ( news Alert: Hooters expand to Central Africa)

Drop in for a Cuppa Crazy

“Shirt Sales and Foreclosures” (Moonlighting at the Gap…)

“Nice beach bunsgalow” (The result of too much sun and a speedo…)

“New septic pimp” (Pimp whose business is guaranteed to end up in the toilet)

“Credit to remove clotted cheese ceil’g” (…Suggestion to remove clotted brain agent)

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“You’ll love Morning Glory Wood and it’s amenities” (No, I am NOT going there…)

Detour to Gotti-ville:

“Builder will carry – cheat rates on killer deals!” (New building project in Jersey)

“Goon Wiring” (“Special” electrical work by Vito Corleone’s enforcers.)

“Pay respects to tenent” (Or what, I’ll sleep with the fishes?)

And Now For Some Leisure… (thanks, Tami)

“Community pool and spa with pubic restroom” – (This must be the place you call for more “inflamat’n”!)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Missy Caulk

    June 11, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    You always make me smile.

  2. Joe Loomer

    June 12, 2010 at 6:04 am

    Shared this on Facebook yesterday and completely forgot to actually leave a comment or two – definitely not your usual Joe behavior!

    That “Septic Pim” sounds like he’s from around here – there’s a part of south Augusta near a paper mill that is – shall we say – fragrant to say the least. Not to mention being in the unsavory part of town.

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  3. Gwen Banta

    June 12, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    Thank you, Missy – you make ME smile, too!

  4. Gwen Banta

    June 12, 2010 at 8:16 pm

    Gee, Joe, where do I book my next flight? 🙂 I once lived in a town near a corn mill – now THAT is an olfactory experience that is life changing!

  5. Tanya Nouwens

    June 12, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    “Bunsaglow” – my boys naked, after a summer of swimming : ) Thank you for doing what you do, Gwen. We’re all the better…and more aglow…for it. Tanya in Montreal

  6. Gwen Banta

    June 13, 2010 at 3:13 am

    I also love “bunsaglow,” Tanya. Shine on, girlfriend!

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