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Opinion Editorials

Making an ash of yourself in real estate: MLS bloopers

There is nothing more affirming than finding errors in the property descriptions on the MLS, especially when they are anywhere near as ridiculous as the real life bloopers here!

This was a week for great bloopers, folks.  The market is firing up, so we are seeing a lot more “ashes.” Thanks to Bruce Walter of West Lafayette, Indiana for his hilarious farmer contribution. Check out these MLS and real estate advertising funnies:

How To Make An Ash of Yourself

“Will sell soot” (Proudly offered by Bert, The Chimney Sweep and his partner, Mary Poppins.)

“Farmers makeit every Tuesday”  (Hence the term, “bump-her crop.”.)

“Make this your nest cattle” (If there were a cattle nest in my tree, I wouldn’t venture outside without a really big hat.)

“Sophistication and crass” ( Sandra Bullock when she was with Jesse James?)

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“Nice scaly rooms” (The heartbreak of Psoriasis.)

Lights Out, No One’s Home

“Lush lit” (Like when you stumbled into the room with your underwear over your trousers?)

“Braught in Europe” (How ’bout a little schnitzel with that, Hans?)

“Brick with beautiful clanging vines” (Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for your career…)

“Offers will be sordid based on qualifications” (Rep. Anthony Weiner’s message that accompanied his nudie Twitter photos.)

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“This will be your last stop” (Said the LAPD to Uncle Paddy after he kissed the bartender and then peed in his shoe.)

“Best Reality tools in the biz” (Electroshock paddles?)

“High-end pain” (…said Rick Santoro while setting fire to Mitt Romney’s drivers license.)

Best Auto-fill Funnies of the Week:

“In escargot” (…said the snail to his mother after crawling in after curfew smelling of butter, garlic and wine.)

“Craps are on surface only” ( Too drunk to hit the toilet bowl?)

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“Your buyers will yank you” (Um, isn’t that a little personal?)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.


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