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Opinion Editorials

Hollywood Real Estate Props and Flops- The Sequel

Hollywood Real Estate Staging Props and Flops

Hollywood Real Estate Staging Props and Flops

gory pumpkin

Keep Your Day Job

There is no end to bad taste. Last week after recounting some of the wacky decorating schemes I have witnessed during my time warp in Los Angeles, I received many comments from others who have witnessed “decorating” madness and mayhem in their towns as well. Here are a few more to ponder:

The mask like the one in The Texas Chain Saw Murders hanging over a producer’s toilet. (Obviously intended to scare the crap outta you.)

The mock clapboard on the wall of a West Hollywood home on which the owner had written in chalk: “Take One, Scene Two – My Wife Ditched Me in Florida, Kept the Tee Shirt, and Left Me This Overpriced Hovel.” (A film guaranteed to have many expensive sequels.)

A hand made plaque on the door of a guest house in the Hollywood Hills that says, “Debtors Prison.” (Cue the Eagles: “Welcome to the Hotel California…)

The Halloween display in Laurel Canyon that consisted of a car, under which were bloody body parts and severed limbs. (And you wonder why our kiddies are in rehab instead of preschool…)

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The house with the beanbag chairs in the living room…and a fake beanstalk in the corner. (If the chairs were rockers, would Keith Richards be in the corner?)

Hooters and Tooters

The scarecrow in the garden in Eagle Rock with Pamela Anderson’s photo as a face. (Hands off the melons!)

The house with a very timid Maltese looking out the window, and a doorbell that sounds like a pack of ferocious barking dogs. (…Either it was a door bell, or the Maltese is a talented ventriloquist.)

The life size cardboard marquee of Clint Eastwood snuggled under the covers of a guest bed of a Hollywood Hills home. (Go ahead – make my night.)

The refrigerator in Santa Monica with a horn attached that “Moos” when the door is opened and says, “When was the last time you looked at your ass?” (NOT funny to a startled agent, and less funny to my portly buyer.)

The peace sign on the front gate of a home in Laurel Canyon, and the other sign on the garage that says KEEP The F____OUT! (Talk about commitment issues!)

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Fish or Foul

The Beverly Hills house with goldfish in the tub. (Sport fishing for the Rich and Famous)

The “vomiting” pumpkins with the beer cans strewn about, strategically placed next to a Big Wheels covered in pumpkin filling with the sign that says “Don’t Drink and Drive.” (Don’t you long for the days when poison candy was enough to explain?)

The voluptuous blow up doll sunning in a lounge by the pool owned by B-rated actor. (If the series tanks, fake the skanks.)

The Pomeranian in the cat costume being chased by a German Shepard at Laurel Canyon Park. (I think the Pomeranian’s name was Sybil.)

“Et tu, Brute!”

My own sign, posted on the fence at Wonderland School, displaying my website, with the ‘me’ blacked out by some very clever kid. (Or maybe it was my ex…)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Joe Loomer

    November 10, 2009 at 7:25 am

    Wow – one weekend with computer issues and I miss Gwen’s latest until this morning!

    Truth is stranger than fiction, and it seems Hollywood is stranger than both. Who would do that to a dog? Who would do that to a pumpkin? Who would do that to your sign?

    THAT, dear Gwen, is the reason I’m not – for fear of the blacking out on MY advertising….

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

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