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“Smell” this house! – more MLS laughs

leaning shed

This week’s MLS was a whole bag ‘o crazy. Seriously, there should be a movie. I doubt if even Tina Fey could write anything funnier. Imagine it in 3D – with “fully stocked bras” and “large panty off kitchen.” Special thanks to Greg Cooper and Patrick Martin and Fred Glick for their contributions:

Stinkin’ and Drinkin’

“Garage and paddyo leans – needs support.” (So does my Irish Uncle Paddyo after 4 pints of Guinness.

“This House will smell fast.” (It seems the realtor stinks, also.)

“House has conservatorium” (A crematorium for Republicans, perhaps?)

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“Hammered clobber tub” (I’ll tell you who’s hammered…)

“Everything on porch sways” (Tell Uncle Paddyo to get off the porch.)

And I Thought I had Heard It All…

“Converted church w/ original ball tower.” (Geez – men need a monument for everything!)

“Extra Room in Attica” ( So much for prison overcrowding…)

“Laura Ashley pints in bedroom.” (Uncle Paddyo passed out on bed.)

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“Lazy Susan in kitch won’t twist” (Put a dollar in her G String and see what happens)

“Antique fixtures made of bras.” (Yes, old ones are hard to hold up.)

Gripes With the Pipes

“Chiten beans and rice served.” (Someone will be chiten later for sure!)

“Water in master can’t be moved.” (Has he tried diuretics?)

“Soft palate on walls” (Seller in hospital with hole in mouth.)

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“Brand new shitt rock” (No shitt Sherlock!)

“Flora just planted” (My condolences to Flora’s husband”

Best of the Week:

“Possible new school playground. Ask about active movements.”

(No comment – I can’t stop laughing long enough to type.)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

28 Comments

28 Comments

  1. Ken Montville

    April 23, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    OMG! I can’t believe this stuff goes on and on and on. That ball tower may have been where the priests, well, you know. And the kitch? Is that the Lazy Susan or the room it was in? Oh. that;s kitsch.

  2. Gwen Banta

    April 23, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Ken, your mind works just like mine! (Sadly enough for you 🙂 A ball tower is a very bizarre visual!

  3. Erica Ramus

    April 23, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    Here’s my favorite one for today, a new listing has me wondering about more than one of these run-on statements:

    Lower level finished w/bar, Fireplace, half bath, laundry room & storage room, also includes wine celar. built in garage used for storage. Shed has parking for 4.

  4. Doug Francis

    April 23, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Hey, I wrote that!

    Kidding…

  5. Gwen Banta

    April 23, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    Erica, some folks just never take time to breed…I mean “breath”!

  6. Gwen Banta

    April 23, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    Doug, I’m keeping my eye on you!

  7. Matt Stigliano

    April 24, 2010 at 11:19 am

    Gwen – Every time I read these I want to write all new descriptions for my listings and see how bad I can make them. Of course, I wind up telling myself no, because humor at the expense of “smelling” these houses just isn’t a good marketing plan.

    Maybe you should start a RE conference. It’s at a bar, we travel from far off lands, and bring stacks of our favorite listings. Then we trade them like playing cards and discuss them through the night. It would combine your two types of posts and you’d never run out of material!

  8. Erica Ramus

    April 24, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    So the built in garage is used for storage, and we park the cars in the shed?????

  9. Gwen Banta

    April 24, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Oh how I LOVE this idea! You’re a genius, Matt. Now I just have to get our AG friends to tell me some of their favorite bloopers or send me their favorite listings so I can put them in the hands of the crew at the “Redhead Lounge.” You have to be there for sure, Matt.

    HEY – ALL YOU AG BLOGGERS, SEND ME YOUR FAVORITE LISTING REMARKS AND TELL ME WHAT CITY IT’S FROM. MATT STIGLIANO AND I ARE HOSTING A PARTY AND YOU ARE INVITED. CLOTHING OPTIONAL!!!

  10. Gwen Banta

    April 24, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Sure, Erica – It’s called a “You floor it, we store it.” 🙂 The listing remarks you sent in are a perfect example of how not only typos, spelling and grammar, but punctuation can affect the meaning.This one was in a R.E. magazine here last year: “Wine storige in. seller leeking caused damage & mold iddues.” (I think whoever wrote that was an id-du-it. )

  11. Jeremy

    April 24, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    Don’t sneeze too hard. It may fall down!

  12. Gwen Banta

    April 24, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    Jeremy, a good flipper could turn this place around in two months and sell it as “a romantic and cozy writer’s hideaway!” (…that smells 🙂

  13. roydevoll

    April 27, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    lol, I have to start paying more attention so I can find a few of these for you!

  14. Gwen Banta

    April 27, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    Yes Roy – I welcome all contributions. I get them from all over the U.S., and even Canada.

  15. Gwen Banta

    April 29, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Thanks for the reference, Referrals Inc. – I’m glad you enjoyed the bloopers.

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