Beware all agents: My loyal spies and I are watching everything you put in print. Why? Because real estate ads can be more fun than a whoopee cushion! We found another batch of blatant bloopers that will set February into full swing. Here we go again – jump onto the MLS Malapropism Merry-go-round and enjoy the ride:
The Demise of Webster and Roget
“House near Malibu Whinery” (Buy a bunk near the Drunk n Funk)
“Bambo floors” (Bimbo Agent)
“Paneling made of imported Europein wood” (If you’re a peein,’ Ima leavin’.’)
“Delicious abbatizers served” (Cue the Abba music: “You are the dancing queen…”)
“A real diamond in the rust.” (…And a water intrusion problem, it seems.)
“New flushing installed in back for drainage.” (I believe that’s called an outhouse.)
“After stop at Sixes Tavern, turn left, then right, cross tracks and wind uphill.” (This must be the sobriety test AFTER the stop at Sixes Tavern.)
“Chandeleer & other fizures stay” (Home for sale in prime San Andreas Estates)
“Ranch with beautiful hillslide view” (Welcome to Avalanche Ranch)
“Property line goes to last swill” (Agent apparently does also.)
“House on pile ons” (Must be near the ranch with the hillslide view.)
“Near Beverly Hills Hortel” (Enough said.)
Too Much Information, Bozo
“Please don’t ask seller about the hole in the wall.” (And shall I also ignore the arrow in his forehead?)
“Seller wants fast sale – doesn’t like area” (Great pitch – next you’re going to tell me he hates the corpses in the cellar.)
“Tenant is difficult, please leave fast if threatened. Seller Motivated.” (Motivated or mutilated?)
Best Sense of Humor Awards:
“It’s Hollywood – someone famous must have spent the night here.” (Especially if it’s Hollywood Lock-up)
“Short drive to famous rehab…just in case” (In that event, perhaps driving is not the best choice.)
And This Week’s Faves:
“This house has gott titt all.” (Hmmm…is that a good thing or a bad thing?)
“Marble floor – great for clogging” (A swingin’ house near Holland Tunnel)
