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“House in goon condition”…MLS gaffs ‘n’ laughs

Ah…I miss my East coast roots. This week’s listing remarks included an indirect nod to New Jersey, as well as some other head-scratchers that should provide a few laughs to start your weekend: 

Any Disclosures?

“House in goon condition” (Jesery style – furnished from the back of a truck)

“Keep doodle in yard” (I suggest you keep your doodle in your pants.)

“Awesome easy exposure” (Paparazzi Alert: Paris Hilton forgot her panties again.)

“One preview only – maating at 1pm” (Interesting… a view and a scr-w!)

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“Able to preview siin” (Let me guess – maating at 1pm?)

Good To Know!

“Needs sum wok” (Dim sum, dumb son, and then sum)

“Designed with distinxtion” (…And implemented with dyslexia)

“Seller to ghetto sod” (Hmmm…Rototill or autofill?)”

“Open canceled – Laurel is blocked” (Sounds serious – has she tried prunes?)

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“A lot of lode went into this home” (‘Seems the prunes worked for Laurel…)

Sorry I asked

“Gorgeous him at a great price” (Cool – how much isGeorge Clooney?)

“Go rest on Sunset Blvd” (News alert, pal: There is no ‘rest’ on Sunset Blvd…until you pass out from alcoholic stupor.)

“Car drawing after open” (Thank you, Lee Iacocca)

“High end vyle windows” (High agent with vile spelling)            

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“Stop, go R, stop, go R, stop, go L, stop right again, after stop do u and stop wall, R into drive” (Simon says: PUT DOWN THE CRACK PIPE!)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Lani Rosales

    March 25, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    HA HA GHETTO SOD! Keep ’em coming, Gwen, LOVE these! 🙂

  2. Gwen Banta

    March 26, 2011 at 4:48 am

    I want a “gorgeous him,” Lani!

  3. Mark Babb

    March 26, 2011 at 11:32 am

    Of course you meant, “Gaffe” and not “Gaff,” right?

  4. Gwen Banta

    March 26, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    No, I meant “gaff’ – American Heritage Dictionary’s allowed spelling, although I admire and prefer your choice of the preferred spelling, Mark…especially after my years in film and theatre when audiences probably wished someone had used a gaffe on me!

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