People hate to get “ghosted” in any situation, personal or professional. But for job seekers who may already be struggling with self-esteem, it can be particularly devastating. Ghost Reply is a new online service that will help you compose and send an email nudge to the ghoster, sending a “kind reminder” telling them how unprofessional it is to leave someone hanging like that.
Ghost Reply wants to help you reach catharsis in all of this stressful mess of finding a job. Almost all of the problems and feelings are compounded by this confounded pandemic that has decimated areas of the workforce and taken jobs and threatened people’s financial security. It is understandable to want to lash out at those in power, and sending a Ghost Reply email to the recruiter or HR person may make you feel better in the short term.
In the long run, though, will it solve anything? Ghost Reply suggests it may make the HR person or recruiter reevaluate their hiring processes, indicating this type of email may help them see the error of their ways and start replying to all potential candidates. If it helps them reassess and be more considerate in the future and helps you find closure in the application/interview process, that would be the ideal outcome on all fronts. It is not likely this will happen, though.
The Ghost Reply sample email has the subject line “You have a message from a candidate!” Then it begins, “Hi, (name), You’re receiving this email because a past candidate feels like you ghosted them unfairly.” It then has a space for said candidate to add on any personal notes regarding the recruiter or process while remaining anonymous.
I get it. It’s upsetting to have someone disappear after you’ve spent time and energy applying, possibly even interviewing, only to hear nothing but crickets back from the recruiter or HR person you interacted with. It’s happened to me more than once, and it’s no bueno. We all want to be seen. We all want to be valued. Ghosting is hurtful. The frustration and disappointment, even anger, that you feel is certainly relatable. According to several sources, being ghosted after applying for a job is one of the top complaints from job seekers on the market today.
Will an anonymous, passive-aggressive email achieve your end? Will the chastened company representative suddenly have a lightbulb go off over their heads, creating a wave of change in company policy? I don’t see it. The first sentence of the sample email, in fact, is not going to be well received by HR.
When you start talking about what’s “unfair,” most HR people will tune out immediately. That kind of language in itself is unprofessional and is a red flag to many people. Once you work at a company and know its culture and have built relationships, then, maybe, just maybe, can you start talking about your work-related feelings. I believe in talking about our feelings, but rarely is a work scenario the best place to do so (I speak from experience). Calling it unprofessional is better, less about you and more about the other person’s behavior.
However, it’s unclear how productive Ghost Reply actually is. Or how anonymous, frankly. By process of deduction, the recipient of the email may be able to figure out who sent it, if it even makes it through the company’s spam filters. Even if they cannot pinpoint the exact person, it may cast doubts on several applicants or leave a bad taste in the recruiter’s mouth. It sounds like sour grapes, which is never a good thing.
There may be any number of reasons you didn’t get the job offer or interview, and they may or may not have something to do with you. Recruiters answer your burning questions, including why you may have been ghosted in this recent article in The American Genius.
Ultimately, you will never know why they ghosted you. If it makes you feel better or at least see the issue from both sides, the amount of job candidates ghosting recruiters after applying and even interviewing is equally high. Some people simply either have awful time management skills or awful manners, and at the end of the day, there’s not much you can do about that.
Focus on your own survival while job hunting, instead of these disappointing moments or the person who ghosts you. It will serve you better in the long run than some anonymous revenge email. There are other ways to deal with your frustration and anger when you do get ghosted, though. Try the classic punching your pillow. Try taking a walk around the block. If it helps to put your frustration into words, and it very well may, then do so. Write it on a piece of paper, then burn it. Or type it all in an email and delete it. For your own sake, do NOT put their email address in the “To” line, lest you accidentally hit “Send.”
The sooner you can let it go, the sooner you can move on to finding a better job fit for you.
Matt Thomson
September 28, 2009 at 11:08 am
I think you’re dead on. I tend to be skill-set oriented, and while my broker loves my contracts, it does create issues. Fortunately, I landed in blogging and social media, an area for me that stretches my mind-set but in a way I can handle and enjoy.
I keep the skills, but get to try new things and learn new things in an evolving arena. It’s been great for my business.
What’s next? Diving into the world of video!
Andy Hemmings
September 28, 2009 at 4:53 pm
You’re right, it’s definitely a balance and most have a tendency towards one or the other. I am definitely more “Mind-Set” oriented. Wayyyy too many ideas tumbling around in my head. Hey, it’s fun to dream. Unfortunately it leads to “paralysis of analysis” and I can end up doing nothing. But when I look back on what has made the difference in my sales career, it’s taking just a few simple but good ideas and systemizing them, forcing them into my skill set.
Atlanta Real Estate
September 28, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Ken – that’s one crazy post my man!
Andy – it’s “paralysis BY analysis.”
RM
Debbe Perry
September 28, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Ahhhh, balance… . Isn’t learning it the basis of what life’s about?? It’s also one of the great things of aging (though I’m not, of course…). LOVED reading this!!
Joe Loomer
September 29, 2009 at 7:09 am
I find it amusing that one accepted definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result – yet in our industry a big part of the “skill set” is doing what works – OVER AND OVER again, and NOT doing what doesn’t work.
Great post Ken – I can put pretty much all 140 of the agents in our firm into the different skill set/mind set categories you listed…
Navy Chief, Navy Pride
Carrie
September 29, 2009 at 9:47 am
Great post! I’m definitely a “Mindset”. I agree that you have to do something about it, but it’s so hard! Would love to hear more ideas on how people have overcome their weaknesses in this area.
Susie Blackmon
September 29, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I’m of the mindset to find a good partner who wears Cowboy boots and loves dealing with clients but hates sitting at a computer.
Ken Brand
September 29, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Matt – Sounds like you’re on the right track, balance with skew towards mind-set is what I’ve seen work the best and the brightest;-)
Andy – Amen. You don’t really want to tame the stallion like ideas, just sorta point them. Hope all is going well for you. Cheers.
Debbie – Thanks for the compliment.
Joe – You’re right about that Joe – Don’t confuse me with facts and imagination, this is how we’ve always done it and done it and done it…. Rock on NC.
Carrie – What I’ve observed over the years is that’s it harder to grow a Mind Set than it is to deploy or employ a skill set – keep pursing, inch by inch, etc. I think you’ll find some useful mind and skill-set ideas throughout the AG posts. Good Luck.
Susie – You’re on the right track, once you find this Cowboy, it’d probably be lights out, so to speak;-)
Troy Roark (ILRealEstate @Twitter)
September 30, 2009 at 10:44 am
I’ve seen this idea wirtten differently (sort of). I believe it was “Some of us are starters, and some of us are finishers.” I used to be a starter… and only a starter. I’d get things started and never finish (ie. not following-up with leads after working my tail off to get them in the first place.)
Once I recognized my skill set (or lack of), I put a great deal of emphasis of working on systems to help get me to the finish line. According to the responses, it sounds like most of us Think Big like we breathe, it’s the skill set that holds us back. For me, it was all about 1) recognizing my limitations, and 2) creating systems keep me focused on the skill sets where I was lacking.