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Booms, Blonds, and Buffoons, Oh My!

Alas, another group of dubious listing descriptions. They just keep getting better! There’s an old adage that you can sell anything if the price is right. After seeing these bloopers, I’ve concluded that we may want to rethink that concept…

Booms and Buffoons

“Library w/ builtin boomcases” (A home in Chernobyl perhaps?)

“Home with mush character” (Agent with mush brain)

“No showings til Manday” (Must be a house in West Hollywood)

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“Artist loft in rats district…lunch served” (Let me guess – cheeseball?)

“This house speaks its own language” (Did it whisper, “Seek treatment for schizophrenia”?)

“Great house in prim location.” (I suspect this is in the Victorian District…)

“Call agent for extrusions” (If that’s anything like a high colonic, I’ll pass thanks.)

Nuts and a Putz

“Call re probate sale” (Say it fast three times.)

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“Jungle Jim stays” (Cool – can I come over and swing on his vine? )

“Brabbling brook in baack” (Babbling buffoon bungles brokering.)

“Court confrontation required” (Marketed by the Real Housewives of New Jersey.)

“Reallly big walls to shoocase your art” (Thank you, Ed Sullivan.)

Snooki and Kooky

“No detail overkooked” (Somehow I doubt that…)

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“Indoor pool with retractable clover” (That’s called ‘algae,’ pal!)

“Snacky available.” (If you’re on The Jersey Shore, it’s pronounced “Snooki”)

“Please email meat for info” (Great – an agent who brings home the bacon!)

“Remote controlled blonds in family room” (Proudly offered by Stepford Wives Realty)

Drum Roll Please…

“State of the art sound and dicking station” (Oh, you have no idea how hard I am biting my tongue!)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Ken Montville

    July 30, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    I guess I’ll have to wait until Manday to see that house with the dicking station. I wonder if Jungle Jim will be there.

    I swear, Gwen, half the time I can barely make it through your posts, I’m laughing so hard.

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