Fruits and Nuts
“Plum missing” (Offered by Little Jack Horner Real Estate and Produce Company. )
“Overlooks steam” (Explosive sale at Mt. St. Helens!)
“Sink spayer missing” (How does one spay a dog in a sink? …And that explains the tibia bone in the garden.)
“Sledding doors” (You’re already going downhill fast.)
“Window bitch” (Open, push, run like hell.)
Screws and Screwballs
“Security bras” (So an alarm goes off when a guy reaches second base?)
“Microweave” (A popular hair style for elves.)
“Bar in basint” (And a lot of empty beer cans in the trash, I presume?)
“Watch up tick” (Odd place for a watch…and how did you get the tick to bend over?)
“This house can’t be duped” (No, but I bet you can.)
Bolts and Bolters
“Needs vanish” (Mission Statement of Rush Limbaugh’s Ex-wives Club.)
“Need puberty fotos?” (Not unless I decide to memorialize my acne.)
“Stained gass throughout” (Hence the streaks in your briefs.)
“Good donton locashun” (Honorable dim son is marketing dim sum.)
Back to Screws
“Golf curse” (Tiger’s explanation to Elin for constantly misplacing his “club.”)
That’s it for this week, folks. Remember: spell well and sell!
I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

JoeLoomer
February 21, 2013 at 8:44 am
I may be guilty of a few of those “golf curses” myself!
Navy Chief, Navy Pride