“Heated jowel rack” – Taking it on the chin with the MLS

Who ever thought homes had so many amenities to choose from?  Check out this past week’s MLS and real estate ads. These offers are certainly inventive and enticing…well, in a “condemned property” kind of way. Thanks to Realtor Jan Pastras for her great contribution:

Creative Creature Comforts

“Heated jowel rack” (Alas, a warm place for Alec Baldwin to do chin-ups.)

“Lottery and crab bag at open” (Ah…VD – the gift that keeps on giving)

“Leave door shat or we’ll call you back” (If the door shat, you should be calling the Enquirer)

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

“Turn left and look for sins” (I’ll do my best, Reverend Sharpton.)

“Disclosure lust provided” (Apparently this is the home of Elliot Spitzer)

Nice..If You’re a Creature

“Short sale bust approved” (Finally – someone who sees the value in an A cup!)”

“Guest has stripper kitchen” (“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”…well, unless you’re Charlie Sheen.”)

“This is one red hat property” (Obviously owned by some guy at the North Pole…)

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

 “Free drawing for Ppad” (I’m laughing so hard I may need one.)

“Check mop for directions” (My mop says, “Squeeze dry.”  Oh wait, that’s my Ppad.)

Can I Get a Discount?

“Previous owner loved the kitchen, one of the baths and the porch soooooo much, they took it with them.” (Bank owned, de-boned and ready to clone.)

“Come on down for launch” (I believe that’s an oxymoron, moron.)

“Your buyers will take one book and want it!”  (So says you,  Marian, Madame Librarian.)

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

And This Week’s Best Spin Cycle

“High in Laurel Canyon” (Isn’t that a bit redundant?)

“Crash deal preferred” (Just wait ’til the high wears off…)