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Opinion Editorials

For sale by ogre – monster hits on the MLS

Proofreading is obsolete

I have concluded that proofreading is officially obsolete. In fact, reading itself may have gone the way of the corset. Word is out that I am prowling about trying to catch MLS offenders, but they fear me not. In fact, they are becoming fragrant. Uh, I mean flagrant.

Thanks to Fred Glick of sunny Philadelphia and L.A.’s own Jane Peters for collecting some of this great flotsam and jetsam.  Check out these bloopers:

Off With Their Heads!

“Twilight Open. RSVP. Light sinner served.” (Hosted by King Henry VIII, I presume.)

“Wood-brning stoned fireplace” (Bridge-burning stoned agent.)

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“Needed: Property shower” (Offered by Scrub-Yo’-Back Realty.)

“Bogus offered” (Jackass delivered.)

“Sellerr wants sole” (…So he can kick you in the arse!)

Blame It On The Altitude

“Amaxing views of snot-capped mountains” (Yeesh – imagine the moguls on that slope!)

“Bonus if accepted offer by Mamorial Day” (Leave it to men to come up with a day to honor breasts.)

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 “Call for appt for grope preview” (I already had that preview in High School.)

Clever Eye-Catcher of the Week

“For Sale By Ogre” (Either this the home of Dick Cheney, or it’s great marketing ploy.)

Jane’s Corner

“Hug balcony ideal for entertaining” (Something tells me this connects to the bedroom…)

And This Week’s Auto-fill Madness:

“2 bd contemptible house” (Two-bit committ-able agent.)

“Call first if bad wetter” ( That’s rather personal, isn’t it?)

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“Hind-End appliances” (Horse’s a__ typist)

“Beautiful shades of  mellow” (Thank you, Donovan. Now pass the joint.)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Lani Rosales

    May 20, 2011 at 9:03 am

    GROPE REVIEW. AWESOME. YES, AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 love this, you always know how to light up my Fridays, Gwen 😀

  2. Joe Loomer

    May 20, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Sweet Lord in Heaven – why do I always forget to NOT try to drink coffee while reading Gwen's posts? The snot-capped mountains had me hurling my own phlegm all over my screen!

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  3. Drew Meyers - Virtual Results

    May 20, 2011 at 9:50 am

    love the "grope preview" – haha

  4. Ben Fisher

    May 20, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Haha, thanks for the laughs. May have to sneak some into the mls!

  5. Gwen Banta

    May 20, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    Ah, Lani – unfortunately, the grope previews in my life have always involved a geek and a peek!

  6. Gwen Banta

    May 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Joe, the "snot-capped mountains" was actually on my friend's flyer. Fortunately, she asked me to proof it before she finalized it. I laughed all day after I read it.

  7. Gwen Banta

    May 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Thanks, Drew and Ben. I also loved "hind-end" appliances. We know where the hind-end was on that one!

  8. Paula Henry

    May 20, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Me thinks there was one joint too many lighted this week!

  9. Gwen Banta

    May 20, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Yep – Me thinks some agent-types sitting somewhere on a "snot-capped mountain" conducting "grope previews" took their cue from Steely Dan, Paula ("Hey Nineteen"): "The Cuervo Gold, the fine Colombian, make tonight a wonderful thing…"

  10. Rita Legan

    June 24, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Me thinks me start using spell checker.

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