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Opinion Editorials

The insulting nature of well-meaning but misguided events for women in business

(EDITORIAL) At events designed for women, organizers often miss the mark and what is often offered is completely insulting. We can do better.

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Comparing apples to… potatoes?

Most of our offline life revolves around events in the tech industry. My husband (our company founder) and I focus on demo days, pitch sessions, data meetups, tech policy panels, tech mentoring, and so forth. We even roam the halls of real estate conferences too, but rarely spend time at women-only events. And here’s why…

I’ve been to enough events for women in business to offer an assessment of what often goes on. For example, last year, I went to a one-day event for women in business. It was huge. It was beautiful. There was champagne, luxury massage stations, and even gourmet chocolates. The women were unanimously giddy. And I couldn’t have been more uncomfortable. I was a fish out of water. A fish on Mars, if you will.

The expo hall and insulting agenda

The expo hall wasn’t filled with tools to help you grow your business, no, it was exclusively weight loss products, scarves, jewelry, makeup, skin care products, bath bombs, and so forth. It was painfully disorienting. Insulting. Is this how women in business see women in business?

Then, looking over the agenda, the sessions were mostly about how to build confidence and find your self-worth, what skirts are hot hot hot right now, and how to communicate to male bosses when feeling emotional. I shit you not.

While I am acutely aware that this one event doesn’t represent all events tailored to women, most are at least marginally guilty of this well-meaning but misguided pandering. The gifts are often overly feminized – “thanks for joining us, here’s a free face lotion that smells like daisies and zebra print.” The vendors or sponsors are costume jewelry makers. The sessions are often little more than “hey, girl power is neat, let’s have girl power!” Okay – complimentary leopard print journals with glitter lettering does not girl power make.

Let’s talk about REAL girl power

Real girl power is not assuming that one gender is superior or inferior. Real girl power (surprise, surprise) empowers women. Real girl power doesn’t diminish women to a demographic that equates their business success to a face wash, a pink prop, an empty effort.

In an attempt to lift each other up, I would posit that we often hold ourselves (and each other) down.Click To Tweet

There is a time and place for this stuff

There is a time and place to buy makeup, overdose on the color pink, and giggle over gel nail polish. But that time is at home or with your friends on your personal time. There is no correlation to your business. You know, that place where you go to negotiate like a boss, where you juggle endless calls, train your staff, master your marketing, pursue continuing education about laws and policies, all while (oh my) managing to be a woman out in this big scary world.

If there was an event just for “men in business” with vendors that minimized them to neon signs for their man cave, engraved bourbon glasses, tie organizers, and golf balls, it would be a flop. If the sessions were about how not to fart during meetings, or how to not sexually harass your female assistant, ticket sales would be zero. This would just never happen.

What you can do next

Next time you’re part of organizing an event, think about what you’ve read here. Let it echo in your mind. Please. All conferences have something corny at them (that scarf vendor is always going to sell out), that’s fine, but is the focus on business as it should be?

I challenge you to seek out vendors that don’t diminish what it is to be a woman in the business world – seek out vendors that will help in business like lead generation tools, online ad managers, productivity suites, and so forth.

Next time you’re going to buy a ticket to an event that is “for women,” check out the vendors, sponsors, and agenda first. If you don’t see anything about business, rather a slew of weight loss and beauty products, think twice.

Look, if you’re going to have a girl’s weekend, just go do it. If you’re having a bake sale or trunk show, just go do it. But let’s not kid ourselves – many of these events for women are little more than a play day.

Stereotyping each other is bad. Stereotyping ourselves is worse. Paying to be stereotyped is repulsive. We can do better.

This editorial was originally published in October of 2016.

Lani is the Chief Operating Officer at The American Genius and has been named in the Inman 100 Most Influential Real Estate Leaders several times, co-authored a book, co-founded BASHH and Austin Digital Jobs, and is a seasoned business writer and editorialist with a penchant for the irreverent.

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7 Comments

7 Comments

  1. Kj Lange

    October 20, 2016 at 5:45 pm

    I am with you on this. If I want to do a girls night out and help my friends in different other businesses sell their products, I will. And I do. A girls night out.
    But Womens shows are notorious for this stuff. The one that gripes me more is when they have psychics and tarot card readers.
    Seriously.

  2. Erica Ramus

    October 20, 2016 at 6:22 pm

    Years ago when I was an incoming President of our Chamber of Commerce I wanted to start a Women’s group, a subset of the Chamber. The EO fought me and I thought he was wrong. Now I think he was right. SO now our COC does have a women’s only subset – and I don’t go to anything. They have gift exchanges at Christmas, juggling family and business talks, luncheons that talk about choosing the colors you wear and how to financial plan as women. The prior EO thought that segregating woman/men would create a divide and that all groups were welcome at all talks – why make some just for one gender. He was right. I am not saying that the women’s group doesn’t provide value – to some – but it is not what I would have envisioned. If a talk can be on preparing for retirement, for example, why does it need to be targeted to women’s planning for retirement. Oh and the “choose the colors I will wear” and gift exchanges – please. Do it on the weekend.

  3. Kelly Mitchell

    February 28, 2017 at 5:58 pm

    Such a refreshing and candid perspective Lani. You reflect many of my thoughts and experiences.

    I think women events should champion women speakers. There are so many great ones out there that rarely see the light of day due to our male oriented society (in all verticals).

    For now, I’ll avoid “Women Conferences” because of all the things you’ve mentioned as I have before and at present. It’s sad.

    Doing business, regardless of your sex, is all about doing it better & learning new things. Not giggles & facials.

    • Lani Rosales

      March 1, 2017 at 12:19 pm

      AMEN – thanks for weighing in, Kelly. Truly. 🙂

  4. Bob LeDrew

    March 1, 2017 at 12:47 pm

    I’m seriously trying to imagine what a men-only “business show” would offer, the inverse of this. Booths from gyms? Ab machines? I don’t doubt there’s a need for women entrepreneurs to be supported. But surely this isn’t what they need.

  5. Erin Young

    February 6, 2018 at 8:59 am

    Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes. As a mother, wife, daughter, friend and an entrepreneur, there are a lot of people who deserve my time and attention. I don’t often get the chance to focus on self-development and learning. So when I do, I’m highly selective.

    When it comes to professional matters, I’d prefer that my gender have nothing to do with the conversation. Why would I choose programming targeted at me based on my gender? Can I expect that the industry’s very best content will come in pink packaging? I think not.

    In my mind, the best (and maybe even only) professional reason to gather on the basis of gender is to focus on strategies for overcoming gender inequality. And that conversation has just as much to do with men as it does with women so it shouldn’t take place at a women-only event.

    Women are diverse. Businesses are diverse. And in my very limited self-development time, I’ll learn more from being around the best from my specific industry–regardless of their gender.

    Hear, hear, Lani!

    • Lani Rosales

      February 8, 2018 at 8:40 pm

      Phenomenal points, thank you for taking the time to comment, Erin!!

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Opinion Editorials

The painful, beautiful paradox between suffering and success

(EDITORIAL) Evaluating success is about more than focusing on “rise and grind” cliches, instead adopting a meaningful perspective.

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The painful, beautiful paradox between suffering and success

I know I’m not entirely old, but in my 27 short years on earth, I’ve found one thing to be absolutely true — life exists inside of paradoxes.

Foods are sweet and savory, sour and sweet. Weather is sunny and beautiful, damp and dreary. Life itself is living and dying, up and down. And in every paradox there is something to be learned.

The most recent paradox I’m learning is the one that exists between suffering and success.

I think it is important to first define the two words: suffering and success. And not the Miriam-Webster Dictionary definition, that definition focuses entirely of the etymology of the word and doesn’t take life into account.

Suffering, as it pertains to success, is what a lot of people call the grind. Suffering is whatever loss you feel along the way. They’re the tiny deaths you die each time something doesn’t go the way you thought it should. It is that voice in the back of your head that keeps telling you to quit— that you’ll never make it. Suffering is what makes the success so sweet.

Success, as it pertains to suffering, is each time you get back up. It is the drive you have that tells the naysayers to suck an egg. Success is the rebirth that follows each tiny death. It is what accompanies each milestone that is met. Success is what makes the suffering worth it.

I think this paradox is materialized well in the Japanese practice of Kintsugi. Kintsugi is an art form of repairing broken ceramics with gold alloy. It is the artistic manifestation of the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi, or celebrating the imperfection. You see, Kintsugi has less to do with the what, and everything to do with the why… Why repair broken ceramics? Why go through such lengths to make it beautiful?

Because the imperfections tell just as much of a story as the original piece. The gold lines that now hold the ceramic together add beauty to the piece *while* strengthening it.

Kintsugi reminds us to exist in the paradox of suffering and success. Not to fight it or to ignore it but to celebrate it and to be a part of it.

Suffering is an inescapable part of existing. It is also the fortifier of most experiences.

Suffering is the gold alloy that binds our successes together. Suffering is the the beauty that intricately weaves between the success of a once shattered dream. Success is the mended piece that is now decorated with suffering.

The two give each other such a deeper context. Outside of each other, suffering and success are merely events that happen. Independently, they give some things context. Together they give everything context.

So I implore you to try this:

Make a list of your successes, then list every single failure that led you to that place. Don’t do so out of spite or out of anger. Rather, do so with thanksgiving. Fondly remember the lessons you learned through suffering and don’t forget them when you experience success.

And through this exercise, going forward, you’ll remember your own gold alloy sprinkled throughout your life.

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Opinion Editorials

10 ways to digitally declutter and change your whole mindset

(OPINION EDITORIAL) One of the easiest ways to boost creativity and productivity is to do a spot of cleaning- both physically and digitally.

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Decluttering digitally

As more and more of our lives have moved digitally – our hard drives and cloud storage have become the 21st century junk drawer. It’s about time for some spring…er…autumn cleaning, and one of the places that could use straightening up is our tech.

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Digital clutter not only eats up memory – a premium on phones or tablets, but it slows us down, makes us feel like we have too much going on, and blocks the gorgeous photos that we set as our wallpaper. Here’s a few tips/ideas to help jumpstart your list:

1. CLEAN THAT DESKTOP

Like a messy workspace, a dirty desktop on your mac or pc looks terrible! Clean up those files and folders, and delete those application shortcuts you don’t need. Put a nice zen or minimalist background (or a picture of your dog/child/Subaru) to show off that shine.

Smart Folders – Set up your folders and documents in a good folder system. Organize by subject or date, and know when to toss old files. A logical folder system means you don’t waste time hunting through things.

2. Unsubscribe

For the most part, we receive way more retailer notices then we can ever use. If you find yourself ignoring those, just go ahead and unsubscribe – or at least reduce the email in the preferences options found at the bottom of every email. You can also junk old RSS feeds!

3. Toss the Downloads

The downloads folder in your mac or pc gets anything you pull from a browser. That’s often a digital junk drawer that takes up a lot of space on your hard drive. Sort by date, and either delete or organize what’s in that folder.

4. Cut the Lights and Sound

If you have movies or music you don’t listen to, delete it from your phone or hard drive space. Chances are, most major media services remember your purchase and can be downloaded or streamed in the future.

5. Close or Forward unused email accounts

If you have unused email accounts that you don’t want, either close the account or forward to an active email – this is especially great for those university emails that you don’t remember your password to because you graduated in five or ten years ago.

6. Slow that Camera Roll

Your camera roll on your phone is another big user of space. Delete any photos that are poor quality or that have no value. Import or organize your photos in something like Dropbox or Google Drive if you need to make space.

7. Clear out your inbox

That little red notification icon on my iPhone drives me crazy. Regularly keeping your inbox clean can not only help you find emails easier, but ensure you don’t miss a bill or important communication.

8. Use email filtering

If you can’t bring yourself to empty your inbox, use filtering to move emails to certain folders, like IMPORTANT, IGNORE, COUPONS, etc. Filtering tools exist in Gmail, Exchange, and iCloud Mail.

9. Uninstall Applications and Software

If you have software you don’t use on your computer – take it off. You can always download it again. If you’ve been afraid of deleting Flappy Bird from your phone – it’s okay. You can always re-download purchased phone apps as well.

10. Delete the Social Media Noise

If you have friends, pages, and follows on Facebook or twitter that don’t bring you any value, cut them out. Or be liberal with the unfollow/unsubscribe/mute functions.

Get to it, Lars

In many ways, digital clutter is just as bad for us as physical clutter. It detracts from our enjoyment and takes us away from the content and work we want to get to. Take a few minutes, cut the kilobytes, and don’t let tech take your time. Get cleaning!

#DigitallyDeclutter

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Opinion Editorials

Serial procrastinator? Your issue isn’t time management

(EDITORIAL) Need a hack for your time management? Try focusing on your energy management.

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Time hack

Your author has a confession to make; as a “type B” personality who has always struggled with procrastination, I am endlessly fascinated by the topic of productivity and “hacking your time.”

I’ve tried most of the tricks you’ve read about, with varying degrees of success.

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Recently, publishers like BBC have begun to approach productivity from a different perspective; rather than packing days full of to-do items as a way to maximize time, the key is to maximize your mental energy through a different brand of time management.

So, why doesn’t time management work?

Time management

For starters, not all work time is quality time by nature. According to a study published at ScienceDirect, your average worker is interrupted 87 times a day on the job. For an 8-hour day, that’s almost 11 times per hour. No wonder it’s so hard to stay focused!

Second, time management implies a need to fill time in order to maximize it.

It’s the difference between “being busy” and “being productive.”

It also doesn’t impress your boss; a Boston University study concluded that “managers could not tell the difference between employees who actually worked 80 hours a week and those who just pretended to.” By contrast, managing your energy lets you maximize your time based on how it fits with your mental state.

Now, how do you manage your energy?

Energy Management?

First, understand and protect the time that should actually go into deep, focused work. Studies continually show that just a few hours of focused worked yield the greatest results; try to put in longer hours behind that, and you’ll see diminishing returns. There’s a couple ways you can accomplish this.

You can block off time in your day dedicated to focused work, and guard the time as if it were a meeting. You could also physically retreat to a private space in order to work on a task.

Building in flexibility is another key to managing your energy.

The BBC article references a 1980s study that divided students into two groups; one group planned out monthly goals, while the other group planned out daily goals and activities. The study found the monthly planners accomplished more of their goals, because the students focusing on detailed daily plans often found them foiled by the unexpected.

Moral of the story?

Don’t lock in your schedule too tightly; leave space for the unexpected.

Finally, you should consider making time for rest, a fact reiterated often by the BBC article. You’ve probably heard the advice before that taking 17 minute breaks for every 52 minutes worked is important, and studies continue to show that it is. However, rest also includes taking the time to turn your brain off of work mode entirely.

The BBC article quotes associated professor of psychiatry Srini Pillay as saying that, “[people] need to use both the focus ad unfocus circuits in the brain,” in order to be fully productive. High achievers like Serena Williams, Warren Buffet and Bill Gates build this into their mentality and their practice.

Embracing rest and unfocused thinking may be key to “embracing the slumps,” as the BBC article puts it.

Do yourself some good

In conclusion, by leaving some flexibility in your schedule and listening to your body and mind, you can better tailor your day to your mental state and match your brainpower to the appropriate task. As someone who is tempted to keep a busy to-do list myself, I am excited to reevaluate and improve my own approach. Maybe you should revisit your own systems as well.

#timemanagement

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