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MLS Season Cheer – Knockers and Rockers


Isn’t it amazing how the holidays are fraught with stress due to shopping costs, property tax bills and renewals for every fee under the sun? (Who times these things anyway?) Just in case the discomfort of all those hands in your pocket is getting you down, how about a few more MLS bloopers for Holiday cheer?

Is That Legal?

“Many great schools – pub and privates” (Located in the Suds and Sex School District)

“Extensively remodeled horse on beautiful street” (Offered by Don Corleone Realty)

“Spataclula Deal (A great buy on a Greek Pastry Shop)

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“Newdly plastered walls” (Lewdly plastered agent.)

“Staircase with carved barristers” (A good way to dispose of your ex’s divorce lawyer.)

“Famous Rocker’s L.A. Villa with Heloc pad (For money drops after record flops)

“Sports equip and trampeling negotiable.” (A house with a gym in Pamplona.) 

It’s All In the Details 

“You won’t find a butter deal” (Did you hear the one about the farmer’s daughter…)

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“New landscraping” (Specializing in face peels for your garden)

“Gas startg friarplace” (A hotspot for dyspeptic monks)

“Ugrated kitchen, dog run,…” (Kitchen – Ugh, but Room for the Pug)

“Peed a terrer” (A place that will scare the p_ss out of you)

“Fish tanked” (Flipper took a Booze Cruise)

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“Seller will not provide termites.”

 (Disclosure: Extermination Proclamation)

“Influenced by famous artifact” (A colossal fossil for mummy.) 

Bonus Round

“Georges appliances. Make an offer!” (Uh, what size is George’s appliance?)

“Enjoy the sounds of the rumbling serf” (For the man who wants to be lord of his castle.)

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“Pool with clover” (From the agent who cannot spell “algae”.)

“Skunken lvg rm” (Wolf in bedroom?)

“Leaded gass windows” (High octane and a dose of methane.)

“Coven ceilings” (And extra broom closets to park the ride?)

“Fully equipped medium room” (Contact your dead relatives with no dropped calls.)

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And This Week’s Uplifting Winner:

“If no response, use knockers.” (Well, it always works for Pamela Anderson…)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. egoldre

    December 4, 2009 at 11:29 am

    I’m by myself in the office laughing out loud! Absolutely love these!

  2. Bob Gibbs

    December 4, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    Pretty funny. We have many agents who speak English as a second language so it can get pretty funny at times.

  3. Patrick Flynn

    December 4, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    You, my dear, are a riot!!!

  4. Gwen Banta

    December 4, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    Thanks, Egoldre. Be careful no one sees you or they may throw a net over you!

  5. Gwen Banta

    December 4, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    Yes, Bob – and many of them were born in America 🙂

  6. Gwen Banta

    December 4, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    Thank you, Patrick – I am merely Bud Abbott to “MLS Costello.”

  7. Joe Loomer

    December 8, 2009 at 7:03 am

    Whew! Hectic week – finally got my Gwen fix in! This post had me flashing back to my Navy days, when I once heard a Filipino mess cook order a young Sailor to:

    “Put the cake batter in the sheet pans on the third deck.”

    Say that in a Filipino accent and see what you get…..

    Funny – my week’s so busy because we’re switching to a new MLS system – now I can’t WAIT to see how THAT works out! Thanks Gwen!

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  8. Gwen Banta

    December 8, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    That’s hilarious, Joe. It seems you had to eat a lot of sheet while in the Navy. I do every day and I’m not even in the Armed Services. I cannot wait to hear some of your contributions from your new MLS system. You’ll have to be my eyes and ears. Send me all your great finds and I’ll spin them out into a post…with a Filipino accent of course.

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