Hi Friends – it’s blooper day, and I found some hilarious gaffes on the MLS this week. I think I finally figured out why we consistently see such errors – agents are letting their pets write their listing remarks.  On the other hand, I suspect that my dog can spell better than some of these culprits, so I may be casting unfair aspersions. Thanks to Jane Peters of Los Angeles for the Blooper of the Week (she hit the mother lode with that one).

Is There A Pulse?

“2 beds uhg” (Me Tarzan, you dummy.)

“Big barths” (Yeah, that usually accompanies a bad hangover…)

“No balls after 9 pm” (My ex had the same problem.)

“House will shit all buyers” (Hence the corn particles in the front yard?)

“Sorry – already bought” (Sign taped to back of seats in the House Chamber.)

Can You Detect A Heartbeat?

“Stay toned for open house schedule” (Man, L.A. sure is a tough market!)

“View from top of hell” (Graffiti on the wall in the Oval office john. )

“Just needs lifts” (…said Tom Cruise’s agent to his producer.)

“Pool chub” (Caption under a photo of me in my bathing suit at the office BBQ.)

“House on coroner” (How convenient – he’s already there to pronounce himself dead.)

Pull The Plug

“Coop for sale” (Oh, is Foster Farms going out of business?)

“Drop in sot” (I see you’ve met the guys who play poker with Uncle Paddy.)

“Coy fish in big pond” (Where are the gregarious fish – in the kegger pond?)

“Big water fault in back” (That’s called a tsunami, and if I were you, I’d run like hell!)

Last Rites

“Bright, Quite garden condo. like home 3bads and 2 full bath, fire place3 tend-om parking, incloding refrigcrater” (Take the fork out of the socket and then remove your aluminum foil hat, because your hair is on fire…as is your career.)

Hope is Crap Spelled Backwards

Well friends, this is my last blooper post of the year, and I still have not run out of material. I don’t know whether to thank these hapless agents or to flog them. At the very least, Perhaps I should commend them for sending us off into 2012 with a lot of laughter. Enjoy these bloopers, and have a Happy New Year everyone!

For Those With Hang-Ups

“Kitch with breakfast hook” (Heehaw – hook ’em, book ’em and cook ’em!)

“Indescribable wildlift” (How are those diet pills workin’ out for ya, sweetie?)

“Bif gym fully equipped” (Who’s more fully equipped – Bif or the gym?)

“Brig bonus by New Year’s day” (Yay – a prison party – at last I’ll find a date!)

“Pets wilcome” (Ahhh, a veternarian’s Field of Dreams.)

From Those Who Should Be Hanged

“Christmas crab bag” (I think there’s an ointment for that.)

“Big troy drive” (Big Troy talk like Neanderthal.)

“Nice entertainment arena” (Proudly offered by Ringling Brothers Realty.)

“Fully rehabilitated upper level” (Let me guess – “Twelve Steps” to get there?)

“Breakfat room” (Lapband, anyone?)

“Come to holiday patty” (This is Hollywood, pal – if you pay Patty, she’ll come to you.)

“Enjoy the egg nod” (That explains how your head slammed into the keyboard.)

Can You Hang Somebody Twice?

“Celebrity hose” (Who did they belong to – J. Edgar Hoover?)

“You’ll like dip in pool” (I will if he’s cute and buys me dinner…)

“Ned addition” (Is Ned the dip floating in the pool?)

“Hug play area”  (Ned again?)

“Please ignore big hole in yard” (Should I also ignore the casket with the dead flowers?)

And The 2011 Dufis Award Goes To…

“Buyers will flock like bees to hiney” (Okay, let me first stop laughing long enough to pen a smart-mouth comment. …Oh hell, I can’t….this is killing me…seriously, this has me on the floor, folks.  Okay, let’s try again: “Buyers will flock like bees to hiney.” I’m sorry, I just can’t top that one other than to say:

 “They must  know an ass when they see one!” 

The year is starting a march toward its natural ending, friends…and it seems a few real estate careers may be also. This week I found some real head-scratchers in local real estate ads and the MLS.  However, I get submissions from all over the U.S., so no one is safe from the eyes of  the Blooper Scooper. Check out these blunders:

Do You Smell Smoke?

“House has spark” (Apparently your real estate career isn’t the only thing going up in smoke.)

“Big pep area in kitchen” (Is that the cookie jar where Mommy Dearest stashes her uppers?) 

“Dull Viking ovens” (Methinks there’s something in the cookie jar that will perk up those dull Vikings.)

“Large greenhose in back” (Large, naked Jolly Green Giant in yard.)

“Mush added to this house” (Was that the overflow from between your ears?)

I Think I See Flames

“Beautifully remolded guest” (Another cosmetically-altered Barbie hits the Hollywood party circuit.)

“Enjoy a drink poolslide” ( Hell, if the pool is sliding, I’ll need a whole pint of Jack.)

“Each bedroom has own bedrooom” (Hello-o-o, Alice, how are things down there in the rabbit hole?)

“Separate pod to build GH” (That should please my pea-sized buyers.)

“Play room for the kiss” (Something tells me this is the back seat of a ’67 Chevy.)

Still Smoldering…

“Ideal for gusts” (That’s great…if you want to live in a wind sock.)

“Impaccably detailed” (Incredibly challenged)

“Stylish pewder room” (Try burning a match.)

“Stone pillars flake driveway” (Flakey agent got stoned in driveway.)

Nothing But Embers (This Week’s Fave):

“From a bygone error” (You have just written your own epitaph.)