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Don’t Say it Just Because You Thunk It

How well have you kept up with our rapidly changing business, friends? There are certain phrases we have all heard in real estate. The trouble is, many no longer apply. Or if they do, they have a new meaning.  This is Gwen’s Happy Hour take on “Don’t Say It Just Because You Thunk It”:

Don’t Say It Just Because You Thunk It

“You can always turn it for a profit!” (Thank you, Heidi Fleiss.)

“Maybe the lender will pay the buyers closing costs.” (And maybe I’ll find George Clooney in my Christmas pantyhose. Uh, I mean stocking.)

“Don’t worry – the bank doesn’t want your house.” (Are you high??? Can you say “TARP bailout incentives?”)

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“Anybody can make money in real estate.” (…Said the CEO of Bear Stearns while strapping on his Golden Parachute.)

“We’ll have complete loan approval in 17 days.” (…Provided your mortgage broker can make bail.)

Don’t Press Your Luck, Pal

“The house isn’t bolted, but it’s still standing.” (So is David Hasselhoff, but I wouldn’t give him my car keys…)

“You can’t build too many.” (Yes, Mr. Ford. …Uh, you say that’s called an “Edsel”?)

“I’d like some of your commission as an incentive.” (And I’d like one of your kidneys so I can drink more.)

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“Are they offering any buyer incentives?” (Let’s see – low rates, low prices…or are we talking about my kidneys again?)

“Speak with the guy next door. I doubt if he’ll mind a dog run on the easement.” (Of course not – he’ll have a better shot from there.)

“Does the buyer expect me to give the damn thing away?” (I believe that’s what “Father of the Bride” means, Mr. Clinton.)

“Maybe the neighbor will let you remove the old fence. ” (He may let you remove his old lady, too, but I wouldn’t recommend it.)

“I do not want a house unless it offers lots of privacy.” (I love your sense of humor, Mrs. Obama!)

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Need I say the word “OBVIOUS”?

“Are there any fixers in Malibu?” (Sure – Charlie Sheen, Mel, the toothless singer-lady, the guy with the aluminum foil hat….)

“It’s a GREAT neighborhood.”  (Yes, those three cop cars belong to the neighbors and that chalk outline is just a Holy Manifestation of Father Guido Sarducci.)

“This area is the next area to be gentrified” (Can anyone say “freeway off ramp”?)

“Can we get the seller to carry?” (Sure – just dial O-C-T-O-M-O-M.)

Jet-sam and Flotsam

“How can I get out of this deal if I’m unhappy?” (Grab two beers and take the Jet Blue chute.)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

19 Comments

19 Comments

  1. Joe Loomer

    August 20, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    “Just add the closing costs to the price, it’ll appraise.” (oh wait! Was that a flying flock of porkers going by?)

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  2. Gwen Banta

    August 20, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Joe, I heard this yesterday from a MORTGAGE BROKER, “Don’t worry about the appraisal -I can get name the guy I want and tell him what price we need.” HUH??? Can anyone say, “HARD TIME WITH A CELLMATE WHO WILL DUB YOU NANCY? He actually told me his company has their “own in-house HVCC code.” Can anyone enlighten me, please?

  3. Fred Glick

    August 20, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    Yes, mortgage BANKERS can have their own in-house system. Some mortgage banks allow some mortgage brokers to set up a system that they can use a certain number of people in a certain area, but it’s fuzzy. Bottom line, report him to Barney Frank, Chris Dodd and move importantly, Attorney General Andrew Cuomo!

  4. Gwen Banta

    August 20, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    Great info, Fred. But SURELY they don’t have their “own HVCC” code! How can that be???

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