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“Stable Area – Avoid Sinkhole”

 manure Happens

If you thought the MLS was full of color and confusion, check out these gems from area newspapers and online real estate sites.  Is there a glitch in YOUR pitch?

For Those Who Want Only the Best

“Must see this germ to believe it!” (…said the agent with infectious enthusiasm.)

“Five bedrooms great for parties (Offered by The King of Swing)

“New drips in gardenr” (Penicillin will do the killin.”)

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“Please remove shoes before woking on carpet.” (A stir-fry buy.)

“Let’s make deal and celibate.” (This must be a nunnery with no funnery.)

“Minimalist design w/ sleek lines. Even your fuzziest buyers will love it.”(Let me guess…a hamster wheel?)

Don’t Count on Multiple Offers…

“Big closet and another area for hanging.” (Presenting the Benedict Arnold Suite. )

“Stable area. Avoid sink hole on Laurel.” (Avoid morons who use oxymorons.)

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“Cervical driveway accommodates 4 cars.” (I think there’s a surgery for that.)

“Top of the loin appliances” (Ahhh…so it has built in plumbing?)

“3% commission to selling orfice.” (Well, shut my mouth!)

Isn’t That a Little Personal?

“Pls send mamo with buyers’ names.” (Sure, we’ll keep you abreast.)

“Bridal cottage of silenced film star.” (Better wed than dead.)

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“Relax on veranda while son drops behind Mt. Baldy.” (At least there will be one less mouth to feed.)

“Qualifications checkerd” (Whose – yours or theirs?)

And We Love Agents With a Sense of Humor

“Safe is empty so tell buyers not to get any ideas.”

“Only 650 sq’ but nice if you’re small”

And My Absolute Fave:

“Near famous re-hab,  just in case escrow drives you to drink.”

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. MIssy Caulk

    January 22, 2010 at 7:45 am

    You can’t make this stuff up.

  2. Gwen Banta

    January 22, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Truth is stranger than fiction, Missy…and so is real Estate!

  3. Joe Loomer

    January 23, 2010 at 9:09 am

    Wow – I saw the “stable area” and wondered if it meant the same thing it does here – as in “horse stable!” Probably not, but that’s a story for another day!

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  4. Gwen Banta

    January 23, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    Joe, In Hollywood it could mean anything. This IS the wild West , you know. Paris Hilton is our Sheriff, and Charlie Sheen is Mayor. The City Council usually meets in the Viper Room. We purify our water supply with Stoli, and we pave our streets with any greenback smaller than a twenty. Up-and-coming starlets are used as speed bumps, and agents are our main weapon against terrorists. (Nobody in his right mind would take on a Hollywood agent.)

    Laws are “negotiable here, Joe,” and when we DO manage to wrangle a roustabout, we give him/her a reality show just to teach them a darn lesson. Due to overcrowding, the Beverly Hills Hotel has been adopted as a satellite jail. If an offender is overly recalcitrant, he is forced to order ONLY from the menu – that’s hurts, you know. Many belong to a religious order called “Paparazzi Presbyterian,” where the old Bible verse about not hiding one’s light under a bushel has been reinterpretted to mean “always have a strobe light in the trunk of the Bentley.”

    I-phones are considered “appropriate attire,” however, clothing is optional. We are green, lean and mean…with abundant teens and queens. We are a force NOT to be reckoned with. (I love L.A.!)

  5. Melissa Zavala

    January 23, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    Those really made me laugh. Thanks for sharing–although it doesn’t really reflect well on our fellow Realtors who (apparently) cannot master dissemination of accurate information on the MLS.

  6. Patrick Flynn

    January 23, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    Gwen Banta-the Jerry Sienfeld

  7. Patrick Flynn

    January 23, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    Gwen Banta-the Jerry Sienfeld of Real Estate blogs. I love her posts!

  8. Gwen Banta

    January 23, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    I agree, Melissa. Maybe the State Real Estate exam should include a test for spelling and syntax. (I am sure some folks think syntax is a tax levied in Vegas.)

  9. Gwen Banta

    January 23, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    Thank you, Patrick – unfortunately I am about as coordinated as Kramer!

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