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Weird Dwellings & Misspellings – The MLS

MLS Bloopers

MLS Bloopers

sunset sign with sun Ah…another week of  weird descriptions and head scratchers on the MLS. One home was “warm and cotzly” and another was “near a succer field”…but they are no competition for what follows!

Thanks to Matt Stigliano of Re/Max, Patrick Martin of Sotheby’s International Realty, and Nashville Broker Grant Hammond  for their contributions, and thanks to the MLS for such a great read!

Masters and Disasters

“Master will thrill you” (But his wife may shoot you…)

“Two hoses on a lot” (…And one hoser agent.)

“Grass tiles in shower” (Cows grazing in bathroom)

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“Awe-expiring view” (House with killer views)

“Steal of a deal – House w/ flour rentals” (Take ‘n Bake)

Disease and Dis-ease

“Inflammation deemed reliable but not guaranteed.” (Try Neosporin.)

“Plaster in goof condition” (Goofy agent in plastered condition.)

“Fresh pain and carpet” (In case the payment isn’t painful enough)

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“Good property for investigators” (Apparently the master thrilled the wrong person…)

“Good schools and really fiendly neighbors” (A house to die for.)

“Big lard – needs work”  (Is “Big Lard” the seller?)

Sin…and More Sin

“Vue home – golfers paradice” (A strip club for Tiger?)

“Just off Benadick Canyon” (That sounds painful…)

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“Hollywood Hills home – Enjoy the wild life” (Are we talking nature…or au naturale?)

“Charming stoned path leads to herb garden” (Charming herbs lead to stoned agent.)

“Extra bath motivated seller” (A seller who needs to lay off the roughage…)

“House near Sinset Blvd.” (News Alert: The sin never sets on Sunslut…I mean Sunset.)

The Mass Confusion Award Goes To (It’s a tie!):

“Back to the market the client not get approval from Lender. For washer and dryer included…elememtary at 2 blocks, 2 duplex, 4 units .proyect will be ready on 4 months . call for details listing agent . (Someone needs to go back to elememtary school.)

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Not a short stale, this is a banked own home. IS AS Where As. Please bring all offers and write them on contracts. (Hey Mr. Short Stale:  Is As, Where As, Is Ass, Whattup?)

(My brain just short circuited – I need to lie down now. See you next week!)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

37 Comments

37 Comments

  1. Brandie Young

    April 9, 2010 at 10:28 am

    Too funny. These always leave me speechless … even more so when there are complete sentences in – what? It’s somewhat English.

    Have a great weekend, Gwen!

  2. Gwen Banta

    April 9, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Brandie, it’s MLS-SPEAK, and it requires a mouth full of marbles and an over-tired brain.

  3. Matt Stigliano

    April 9, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    Gwen – Obviously, I read this post eagerly after sending you my recent favorites. After reading through all of them though, this one’s the winner:

    Not a short stale, this is a banked own home. IS AS Where As. Please bring all offers and write them on contracts.

    (Emphasis my own.)

    I’m glad I didn’t write that offer on sheets of toilet paper like I was planning. Haha.

    Thanks for always being on the look out!

  4. Gwen Banta

    April 9, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    I do love that one, Matt! What would have prompted him/her to write that? Maybe he gets a lot of offers on bar napkins, as I once did – seriously! (I know what you’re thinking – no, Matt, it was an offer for a HOUSE.)

  5. Doug Francis

    April 9, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    Now that is funny material… so where is the copy editor?

  6. Gwen Banta

    April 10, 2010 at 3:10 am

    Doug, are you thinking “edit,” or “idiot”?

  7. John Kalinowski

    April 10, 2010 at 9:05 am

    My wife just walked in my office, wondering why I was laughing out loud. She thinks I finally lost it! Your articles always make my day Gwen!! Thanks!

  8. Joe Loomer

    April 10, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Awesome that the first one is “Master will thrill you” – considering it’s Masters Week here in the AUG!

    Your posts are just what the doctor ordered to help me get over this jet lag after my Italy trip (at least I’m calling it “jet lag” until the results come back).

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  9. Gwen Banta

    April 10, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Thank you for reading, John. But let me get this straight…you WERE laughing at the article, and not just because you’re off your meds, right? 🙂

  10. Gwen Banta

    April 10, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    Thanks so much for the mention, RealEstateIncorporated. net.

  11. Houstonblogger

    April 11, 2010 at 11:15 am

    I love these posts so much! They keep me going! Thank you!!

  12. Missy

    April 11, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Cracking up here. The things we Realtors do.

  13. Gwen Banta

    April 11, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Thanks, Danelle – Be sure to send me some “Houston Howlers”!

  14. Gwen Banta

    April 11, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Thanks for reading, Missy – Makes you wonder how the contracts look, doesn’t it? One agent submitted an offer on a house I had listed and wrote in that they wanted, “All windows, doors, and garage.” Makes you wonder…

  15. Fred Glick

    April 12, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    I swear I saw this on a listing: “Brand new shit rock”

  16. Gwen Banta

    April 12, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    Oh God, Fred – I’m laughing so hard I can’t type!

  17. Gwen Banta

    April 12, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    And incidentally, Fred – some people think I make this shit rock up!!!

  18. Gwen Banta

    April 15, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    Thanks for the shout out Memphis!

  19. Gwen Banta

    April 15, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    You, too, Referrals Incorporated!

  20. anthonys indianapolis homes for sale

    April 18, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    “Inflammation deemed reliable but not guaranteed.” I love it. It’s funny how humor can come about in unexpected ways.

  21. Gwen Banta

    April 18, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    I love that one Anthony. Say hellow to the BUtler Bulldogs for me. (I’m praying Hayward backs out of the NFL draft!)

  22. Gwen Banta

    April 18, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    Hey Anthony – It seems I’m guilty of hitting “Send” before reading – Note my spelling of Hello – Let’s DO shoot the messenger – OY VEY!

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