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Opinion Editorials

Septic tang – and other real estate listing remarks that will kill your sales

Once again it’s TGIF, and the results of this week’s MLS Blooper Scooper are in, friends. I can’t tell you how tempting it is to start naming names…but then I would run the risk of showing up on my own list! Yes, we all make mistakes, and auto-fill is killing us…but c’mon – couldn’t some of these have been avoided?

Hard to Swallow?

“Septic tang” (An orange-flavored drink preferred by suicidal Astronauts.)

“Call listing magnet” (You do appear to be bi-polarized…)

“This is a probing sale” (Obviously the former home of a deceased proctologist.)

“Nice rehab for you” (Back off, Dr. Drew, that stuff on my nose is White-out.)

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“BBQ and sap on dec” (Need I point out that the sap is at the keyboard?)

Beware of the Aftertaste

“Needs TLV” ( Ten Little Valiums?)

“New inshulation in attic” (That’s the bottom of the bar stool you’re staring up at, shweetie.)

“Send via male” (If he’s cute, I’ll don my French maid’s costume.)

“Drought insistent landscape” (Let me guess – A twelve-step pathway and trees that are on the wagon?)

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“REOs and shirt sales” (Isn’t it bad enough to lose your shirt without seeing it on someone else’s back?)

Not Exactly an Antidote…

“Home has foundation tissues” (Offered by Mucous Lucas Realty.)

“Good hose on nice street” (Did anyone find the garter belt?)

“Waste on Sunset” (That’s the body count from Whiskey-A-Go-Go.)


“Hous shits on two lots” (But does it s_it in the woods?)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Chris

    September 9, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    A little proof reading never hurt anyone and your business will thank you for it.

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