Let’s get a show of hands, friends: How many of you have been stressed out this year? Maybe just a smidge? Or is it more like, “Omigosh, Imma die of this stress if I don’t get it under control, like, yesterday” levels?
More than likely, it’s probably somewhere between these two levels, perhaps edging closer to one extreme rather than the other. And while the entirety of 2020 can be summarized as Arguably the Most Stressful Year Ever, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to join the panicked, frenzied, anxious masses. Listen, it’s just like your parents once told you — just because everyone else is doing it – doesn’t mean you need to, too.
Whew, yeah. I just cured your stress, didn’t I? You’re welcome. Who knew it was that simple?
Okay, fine. I realize that was an oversimplification of things. Of course, you can’t just casually will your stress away. That’s not how it works. Heck, for many of us, we don’t even realize we’re stressed out half the time. However, even though you may not consciously be aware that you’re experiencing the symptoms of stress, it doesn’t mean that your body isn’t paying attention. And, over time, if your stress remains unchecked? Well, it can lead to some pretty nasty health complications, including ongoing headaches, poor appetite, crummy sleep, and even frequent and unwelcome trips to the facilities. It’s not pretty.
Fortunately for us, there are a couple of new fitness trackers out there whose sole job is to inform you when you’re juggling just a little bit too much at the moment. Both Fitbit and Amazon have jumped on the health tracking train, and while Fitbit is no stranger to monitoring your biometrics (they’ve been around for quite some time now), this is the first wearable made available by Amazon.
Of course, we shouldn’t be surprised by this. Amazon’s been sort of nudging their way into all sorts of markets, kind of like an oversized and cuddly Labrador retriever who doesn’t realize he’s not a puppy anymore and still tries to crawl into your lap every once in a while. Definitely a little surprising when it happens, but not entirely unwelcome.
First, there’s the Fitbit Sense. This handy little device not only helps you monitor your sleeping patterns, how much exercise you’re doing (ahem—none—ahem), your weight, and all that good stuff, but can now also help you figure out how stressed out you are.
The Fitbit Sense comes equipped with something called an EDA (Electrodermal Activity) Sensor, which means that it can tell when your heart rate is up and you’re starting to feel a little heated. If it notices you’re feeling upset, it’ll let you know. But does it run to the fridge and grab the pint of mint chocolate chip for us, too?
The Amazon Halo is something else entirely. While it can detect through a galvanic skin response if you’re feeling stressed, it can also let you know if you’ve become a chonk while in quarantine. No, we’re not kidding. This sucker can actually scan your body and give you a fancypants 3D model of your body. And if you’re feeling particularly masochistic today, you can tinker with that model to see what you’d look like if you either gained or lost weight. Yeah, no, that’s only going to stress me out further. What the heck, Amazon?
So there you have it. If you didn’t know you were stressed out before, learning about these two new fitness devices probably toppled you over the edge into full-blown panic mode. Or, y’know, maybe they didn’t. Sure, having all that information at your fingertips — especially in a time where we’re already glued to (and overwhelmed by) our technology — can lead you to overthinking things… especially if you’re already prone to anxiety.
But what if you use it like it was designed, just as a tool to help you become more aware of your own unconscious response to stimuli?
Look, we’re all feeling it right now. This year has been an overwhelming deluge of stress, and whether or not you need a tracker to tell you about it is nothing short of redundant. That said, if you’re feeling stressed, you’re in good company. Right now, a whopping 83% of the population has admitted that just thinking about the future puts them into paroxysms of stress. And while diving into that pint of ice cream may help you feel better in the moment, there are a few things you can do to help offset your current stress loads.
Vent it out. Talk to a friend, or a doctor, about your feelings. Take it out on the pavement with a quick 5K run. Enjoy a long soak in the tub, while reading your favorite book. Light some candles. But please don’t give up hope.
Yeah, things suck (like, a lot) right now, and the future is uncertain. If buying a ridiculous tech gizmo will make you feel better, then treat yourself. And if you think it’ll exacerbate your stress, well, by all means, skip it. Because, really, is there anything more stressful than paying off your credit card bill after impulse buying a new toy or gadget? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Your goals are more complicated than generalized platitudes, and that’s okay
(OPINION / EDITORIALS) When the tough times get going, “one size fits all” advice just won’t cut it. Your goals are more specific than the cookie cutter platitudes.
“Vulgar, uneducated wisdom based in superstition”, according to the good volunteer compilers at Wikipedia. See also: ‘aphorism’, ‘platitude’, and ‘entrepreneurial advice’.
I’m not saying there’s no good advice for anyone anymore, that’s plain not true. SMART Goals are still relevant, there’s a plethora of cheaper, freeer, more easily accessible tutorials online, and consensus in April-ville is that Made to Stick is STILL a very helpful book.
But when I hear the same ‘pat on the head’ kind of counsel that I got as a kid presented by a serious institution and/or someone intending on being taken seriously by someone who isn’t their grade school-aged nephew, I roll my eyes. A lot.
“Each failure is an opportunity!” “Never give up!” “It’s not how many times you fall!”, yeah, okay, that’s all lovely. And it IS all very true. My issue is… These sunshiney saws? They’re not very specific. And just like a newspaper horoscope, they’re not meant to be (not that I’ll stop reading them).
Example. You’ve been jiggling the rabbit ears of your SEO for months, to no avail. No one’s visiting your site, there’ve been no calls, and the angel investor cash is starting to dip closer to falling from heaven with each passing day.
Does ‘don’t give up’ mean that you use your last bit of cash to take on an expert?
Or does ‘don’t give up’ mean that you go back to R&D and find out that no one actually WANTED your corncob scented perfume to begin with; algorithm tweaking and Demeter Fragrances be damned?
This is the thing about both your goals you make and the guidance you take—they have to be specific. I’m not saying your parents can put a sock in it or anything. I’m thrilled that I’m part of a family that’ll tell me to keep on keeping on. But as far as serious, practical input goes… One size fits all just leaves too much room for interpretation.
When you’re stuck, behind, or otherwise at odds with your growth, are you asking the right questions? Are you sure of what the problem actually is? Do you know whether it’s time to give up a failure of a business and ‘keep pushing’ in the sense of starting another one, or whether you’ve got a good thing on hand that needs you to ‘never say die’ in the sense of giving it more tweaking and time?
No one should have stagnant goals. A pool of gross sitting water is only attractive to mosquitoes and mold. ‘I wanna be rich’ as your business’s raison d’être is a setup for a story about the horrors of literal-minded genies, not an intention you can actually move upon. But that doesn’t mean you need to go hard the other way and get lost in a nebulous fog of easily-published aphorisms.
To be fair, it’s not as if saying ‘Ask the right questions’ is exponentially more helpful than your average feel-good refreshment article, since… This editorial column doesn’t know you or what pies you have your fingers in. But if I can at least steer you away from always running towards the overly general and into an attempt at narrowing down what your real problems are, I’ll consider this a job well done.
Save saws for building community tables.
Be yourself, or be Batman? A simple trick to boost your self-confidence
(OPINION / EDITORIAL) “If you can’t be yourself, be Batman.” We’ve heard it before, but is there a way that this mentality can actually give you self-confidence?
The joke with scary movies is that the characters do stupid things, and so you scream at them. No you dumdums, don’t go FURTHER into the murder circus. Put down the glowing idol of cursed soda gods and their machine gun tempers. Stop it with the zombie dogs. STOP IT WITH THE — WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?
We do this as the audience because we’re removed from the scene. We’re observing, birds eye view imbued ducklings, on our couches, and with our snacks. Weird trick for horror movies to play — makes us feel smart, because we’re not the ones on meat hooks.
But if a zombie crashed through our window, like RIGHT NOW, the first thing we’re going to do doesn’t matter, because that thing is going to be stupid. So so stupid. You can’t believe how stupid you’ll act. Like, “I can’t leave behind my DONUT” stupid, as a zombie chomps your arm that was reaching for a bear claw you weren’t even really enjoying to begin with. “Oh no my DOCUMENTS I can’t leave without my DOCUMENTS.”
There’s a layer of distinction between those two instances — removed versus immersed. And really, this colors a lot of our life. Maybe all of our life. (Spoiler: It is all of our life.)
It’s Imposter Syndrome in overdrive — the crippling thought that you’re going to fail and be found out. And you tell yourself that all the little missteps and mistakes and mis…jumps are entirely your fault. Feedback loops reiterates, and then you get paralyzed. And man, what a time to be alive — what with the world on fire — to start up a self-deprecation engine shame machine. No way our self-confidence is suffering now, right?
The point is: You — as a being — experiencing things first hand is the perfect time to see your shortcomings. You can’t help but do it. You are living in your skeleton meat mecha human suit, and all the electronics in your head strangely remember all the times you struggled. And weirdly, if you look at someone else in the exact same situation you were just in, you suddenly have this powerful insight and awareness. It happens naturally. It’s why you think I would never head on down to the basement in a creepy mansion. Watch any cooking competition show to see this in action. Armchair quarterbacks, hindsight 2020. It’s all the same.
But when it’s just you and you’re doing things in real time? You lose focus, you stumble, and you wonder why it’s suddenly so hard to make rice, or why you fell for the really obvious fake punt.
So where does that leave you? How do you solve this problem? There are ways. But the journey is arduous and hectic and scary and difficult. Time tempers your soul over and over, you harden in ways that build you up, and you become better. The process is ages old.
I bet you’d like at least… I dunno, there’s gotta be a small trick, right? Life has secrets. Secrets exist. Secrets are a thing. Let’s talk about one to boost your self-confidence.
Stop seeing things in first person, and instead, talk to yourself in the third person. Yes, just like George did in that episode of Seinfeld. Don’t say, “I need to finish the project today.” Say “Bob needs to finish the project today.” If your name is Bob, I mean. Substitute in your name. In effect, you are distancing yourself from the situation at hand, as you begin to view it from outside yourself.
Studies have shown that doing this causes a fascinating side effect — an odd insulating barrier that can give someone just enough distance from the problem at hand, which in turn lets someone more calmly examine the situation. Once that is achieved, a plan can be written and executed with great results.
There’s some research demonstrating this concept, and as truly crazy as it sounds, marked improvement in behavior has been measured when participants are told to think of themselves as a different person. It’s like the “fake it ’til you make it” principle — suddenly you’re sort of cheering on this other person, because you want them to succeed. It’s just that in this case, the other person is still you.
I’ve heard the concept also said that “your current self can give your future self an easier life if you work hard now.” It seems like distancing functions on that wavelength — that by thinking you are supporting some other entity (and even when that entity is still you), some empathetic mechanisms spring into play, and your natural desire to see success rebounds back onto yourself. This is you eating your cake, yet something still having cake.
So that’s magic in and of itself, right? I want you to try it. Don’t think in terms of what you have to do, but what you watching yourself will do. All these fun tiny benefits concurrently happen — encouragement, pressure removal, controlled thought, drive, momentum, and motivation. It’s all there — a trail mix built out of emotions and psychological buffs. And they’ll all fire off at once and you’ll start noticing how much better you feel.
Here’s the best part — we can take this further. At least two different studies have shown with children that thinking of an alter ego and then distancing creates even stronger outcomes. Now we’re not just hyping ourselves up — we’re hyping up an impressive figure. Batman is already taking down jerks. So what if you say you are the night and combine that with self removal? Even in children, the conclusion was fascinating. When they were given a menial task to complete, those who were told to believe they were Batman had an improvement of 23% in focus and productivity over a group who was given no directive. Even without the consequences of adult life and its inherent complexities, children naturally showcased that they work harder if they undergo an alter ego transformation. Now you’re not just there for yourself, you’re there for Batman himself.
“But that’s just children.” Ok, well, it works in adults too. Beyoncé and Adele would psych themselves up by creating onstage personas that were confident, successful, fearless versions of themselves. It’s an act within an act, with a performer further elevating themselves away from reality through the substitution of a personality built and engineered for success. Set aside that these are powerful, fierce, intimidating entertainers in their own right; the focus here is that they also used this mental trick, and it worked.
(There’s an aside here that I think is worth mentioning — in the midst of performing to a crowd, you are 100% in control, and I think this simple realization would help scores of people with their fear of public speaking; a concept to write about another day.)
Distilled down: If you think you’re a hero, you’ll act like one. Easier said than done, but give it a try by taking yourself out of the equation, even if for a moment. You’re not changing who you are so much as you are discovering the pieces of innate power you already had. You aren’t erasing yourself — you’re finding the hidden strength that’s already there. Having a way to kickstart this is perfectly fine.
The ultimate goal with all of this is to build the discipline that lets you begin to automatically engage this mode of heightened ability – that you’ll naturally adopt the good parts into life without the need for ramping up. Armed with that, you’re unstoppable.
Life — as a series of interactions and decisions — can be gamed, to a degree, with tiny and small shifts in perspective. Dropping a surrogate for yourself gives you enough room to have the chance to take everything in, and augmenting this concept further with the thought of having an alter ago creates even wilder possibilities. Psychologists are finding that this sidestep phenomenon can potentially help in different areas — improved physical health, learning how to better handle stress, emotional control, mastering anxiety, and a host of others.
So put on a mask, and then put on a whole new self. It’s almost Halloween anyway.
Red flags to watch out from from a potential employer
(OPINION / EDITORIAL) Incompetent bosses are a dime a dozen. Here’s some information on how to scope out and avoid any red flags from a future employer.
Most people have the critical hindsight to recognize that they’ve at least encountered an objectively inferior superior in the workplace. Whether you’re looking for a fresh start or you’ve managed to duck poor bosses thus far and you want to keep the trend going, here are some red flags that can help you spot a sketchy employer from a distance.
Disrespect at any point is a huge indicator that the person interviewing or scouting you is going to be tough to work with. That said, keep an eye out for employers who either cut you off mid-sentence or clearly don’t listen to the content of what you’re saying. Aside from being a justifiably infuriating character flaw, your employer failing to let you complete a thought will lead to severe miscommunications during your tenure in their workplace. Steer clear!
Of course, something that’s worse than a boss who talks too much is one who talks too little. More specifically, the same employer who constantly leaves you hanging out to dry, forces you to make far too many judgement calls of your own on projects they’re managing, or doesn’t return your urgent emails is probably the employer who is constantly dropping the conversational ball during the recruiting process. If they want you, you shouldn’t have to chase.
If you’ve made it to the interview process, you might think you’re pretty close to the clear; however, it’s worth paying attention to the way your future employer lays out information for you. Should you notice that they appear to be defensive, inexplicably explanatory regarding issues like workplace culture or safety, or something similar, you’re probably dealing with a hostile work environment. Even if you’re being hired to help change that, it’s probably not worth the hassle.
Finally—and this may be controversial for some professions—your prospective boss should be in the room for the interview. While plenty of locations use departmental managers or a panel of employees to determine a candidate’s compatibility, the employer should always be there to ensure that the proper criteria are addressed. Should the employer fail to communicate with you until day one of your assignment, you can expect translation issues right out of the gate.
Plenty of the above circumstances may be excusable in certain contexts, so make of this what you will. The bottom line, plain and simple, is this: If you are uncomfortable or upset with the way an employer treats you during an interview, you will be uncomfortable and/or upset working for them.
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