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Highlights

“Don’t crab appraise” – something’s fishy on the MLS

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Ya’ know folks, I think I should get paid for being Captain of the MLS Police Force. I have so much activity that I’m pulling overtime. The good news is that there are a few perks: laughter, and a lot of blackmail material. Oh, and Lani and Benn made me a police hat out of a moldy old fruit cake. Thanks to Fred Glick from Philadelphia and Nanette Labastida of Austin for their great contributions. Now please excuse me while I go eat my hat.

Dubious Distinctions

“Fully eclipsed gym” (Does that mean I can’t exercise unless I’m wearing dark glasses?)

“Balls of expansive glass” (Hmmm…Must be referring to the “Weeper of the House,” John Boehner.)

“Don’t crab appraise” (‘Tell ya’ what – I won’t price your smelly ol’ shell fish if you don’t tell me how to price your house!)

“New gladd windows” (Old, sadd agent.)

“Huge wraparound pouch” (Perhaps you should have that thing surgically removed before it explodes.)

“Slightly infected by recent mudslides” (Slap a little Neosporin on it and you’ll be good to go.)

Amenities You’ve Always Wanted

“Cute alcave” (Please give Al my number and ask him if I can drop by in my little spelunker outfit.)

“Lovely worm colors thrwout” (How enticing. I suppose there are lovely slug trails as well?)

“Nice size ranch w/ room to growl” (It sounds like Ms. Palin has found a home for her Grizzlies.)

“Large moniker included” (How’s this for a large moniker: “Big fat doofus!”)

“Great for odor entertaining” (My Uncle Paddy blows out a lot of odor, but he’s the only one who finds it entertaining.)

Sealing the Deal (Thanks to Fred and Nanette)

“A skip and a hope away to downtown” (Throw in “a prayer” and maybe you’ll make it through L.A. traffic!)

“Priced to steal – it’s like receiving stolen property” (If it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck…)

“New shitrock” (Apparently the seller drooped a load on that remodel.)

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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11 Comments

11 Comments

  1. Agent for Movoto

    January 24, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    As always, these are hilarious. “Priced to Steal”????? I LOVE that one, but i don’t think i get it, either.

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Business Marketing

“House has spark” – burning up the MLS with typos and other bloopers

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The year is starting a march toward its natural ending, friends…and it seems a few real estate careers may be also. This week I found some real head-scratchers in local real estate ads and the MLS.  However, I get submissions from all over the U.S., so no one is safe from the eyes of  the Blooper Scooper. Check out these blunders:

Do You Smell Smoke?

“House has spark” (Apparently your real estate career isn’t the only thing going up in smoke.)

“Big pep area in kitchen” (Is that the cookie jar where Mommy Dearest stashes her uppers?) 

“Dull Viking ovens” (Methinks there’s something in the cookie jar that will perk up those dull Vikings.)

“Large greenhose in back” (Large, naked Jolly Green Giant in yard.)

“Mush added to this house” (Was that the overflow from between your ears?)

I Think I See Flames

“Beautifully remolded guest” (Another cosmetically-altered Barbie hits the Hollywood party circuit.)

“Enjoy a drink poolslide” ( Hell, if the pool is sliding, I’ll need a whole pint of Jack.)

“Each bedroom has own bedrooom” (Hello-o-o, Alice, how are things down there in the rabbit hole?)

“Separate pod to build GH” (That should please my pea-sized buyers.)

“Play room for the kiss” (Something tells me this is the back seat of a ’67 Chevy.)

Still Smoldering…

“Ideal for gusts” (That’s great…if you want to live in a wind sock.)

“Impaccably detailed” (Incredibly challenged)

“Stylish pewder room” (Try burning a match.)

“Stone pillars flake driveway” (Flakey agent got stoned in driveway.)

Nothing But Embers (This Week’s Fave):

“From a bygone error” (You have just written your own epitaph.)

 

 

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Business Marketing

“New bd pans inc” – Making a Splash on the MLS

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I have two things to say this week: 1. When you drink, you can’t think. 2. When you drink you can’t- … uh, what was I saying? Oh, yes – the MLS.  It was so full of bloopers this week that I am led to conclude that happy hour started Monday and never stopped. Read these and tell me if it is any wonder I was driven to throw back a few martinis myself:

Booze ‘N’ Fools

“Free membership to gin inc” (It seems someone else beat us to it, Martini Mary.)

“Grab now use imagination” (That’s what Arnold said to his housekeeper.)

“House has new edition” (Agent lacks erudition.)

“Babblying broke runs in back” (Bumbling buffoon runs amuck.)

“Drop by for cocktail ho” (Oh, is the Sunset Strip for sale?)

Puff ‘N’ Stuff

“Near Sacramento airpot” (I believe his name is Jerry Brown.)

“Claw me for selling” (I’m too busy clawing my eyes out over your spelling.)

“Reduction on mid-century ner Holywod” (Another mid-sixties porn star is looking for work.)

“We can sake your home” (Can I get fried rice with my sake?)

Proof or Goof

“Nice streem” (Said Grandma to Grandpa after his diaper  exploded.)

“Nice for dog kids” (Uh, they’re called ‘puppies,” pal.)

“New bd pans included” (Thank you, Nurse Nancy – can you warm those first?)

“Good stable in neighborhood.” (Have you contacted Mary and Joseph?)

“Drawing for plasma” (Is this a blood-bank?)

And This Week’s Winner Is:

“Good school in areola” (Thanks for keeping me abreast of things.)

PROOF OR GOOF, FRIENDS – I’M WATCHING EWE 🙂

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Highlights

My secret office organization tip – Sharpies and tape

If you’re still practicing to be OCD, here is a secret I don’t typically share with anyone, but I’m willing to share with you today…

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Keeping organized

I used to be obsessed with the P-touch machine. I labeled everything. Drawers, shelves, folders, canisters, and anything that I could think of putting a label on.

But the label makers weren’t as pretty as my own handwriting and didn’t come in every color a Sharpie does, so I got the brilliant idea one day to write in light blue sharpie in my beautiful handwriting on clear tape, placed neatly on the shelves in the pantry. Visitors thought I had written on the cabinets, “what if you have to move things?” they asked. “It’s just tape, look!” I said as if I was performing a complicated magic trick.

Not just shelves!

It’s great to use this tip on files and folders so you can reuse them (especially if you have custom files or designer files), on drawers at the bottom of each section where pens and tape goes, and especially in the break room.

No more label maker, no more refill cartridges and no more mess, especially someone else’s mess! Trust me, this is an OCD person’s dream organizing tip!

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