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House Haunting- MLS Tricks and Treats

Halloween may be a month away, but the MLS , the LA Times, and our local real estate magazines never disappoint. This week’s offerings include trolls and witches. By the time Halloween arrives, I’m sure a few more skeletons will be leaping out of somebody’s closet! (No, Perez Hilton – not your closet.)  Check ’em out:

“Lake cabin under trees – enjoy fishing and haunting” (A place to Reel and Squeal)

“Garage with Trol Shed” (I suspect this is a ‘lake cabin under trees’…)

“Tree louse for kids” (Isn’t the “trol” enough to scare the beejezus out of  ’em?)

“Wired for cabal” ( A place to scheme and scream)

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“Probait sale – needs cleaning. Crime disclosure” (What a pitch – macabre terms, worms and germs!)

“Levitated pool for the kids” (Good trick – can you also make a kiddie therapist appear?)

Put This on a Tombstone!

“New ho ttub and deck” (Pay ’em and spray ’em)

“Dock with boat rump” (Dock with crack in it?)

“New shitlap siding” (Note to agent: Haste makes Waste.)

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“Low price spanks for itself” (Bend over and smell the clover.)

“Original prank floors weed finishing” (A joke and a toke!)

Not a Ghost of a Chance!

“Updated wasted lines” (Outdated, wasted agent.)

“Short Sale – Ready for quack close” (If it walks like a duck…)

“Snoreline view – killer deal” (Better bed than dead.)

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“House on golf coarse” (For those who can shoot from the rough…)

Well, If That Didn’t Freak ‘Em Out…

“Great for kids – many parks and tails in the area” (And yet another horror spot just for the kiddies to enjoy – Happy Haunting!)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Renee

    September 17, 2010 at 9:12 am

    I love these! Have to share one with you – a local title company was doing feature sheets for agents and on their flyer to the agents they said you could email the photos or send them to them on a hard dick.

  2. gwen banta

    September 17, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    OMG, Renee – “email the photos or send them on a hard dick”! That is unbelievable – the visual is hysterical! I wonder if they had any takers…

  3. Joe Loomer

    September 18, 2010 at 9:47 am

    Thanks for the laughs, Gwen! Been in Austin all week, and actually got to see Benn and Lani! The story of how we met is one for the ages….

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  4. Gwen Banta

    September 18, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    How wonderful, Joe! I bet the Lani-Benn-Joe story involves police cars and bail money. I wish I had been there! I force the story out of one of you sooner or later 🙂

  5. Homes In Pasadena

    October 4, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Thanks for the laughs! I’d like to say I thought one or two were the funniest, but they were all hilarious.

    Thanks again – Steven

  6. gwen banta

    October 4, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Thanks, Steven. I think one of these descriptions was in your area!

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