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Op/Ed

If you haven’t yet, it’s time to hunker down with your home gym

(OPINION / EDITORIAL) Big companies are throwing their cash behind the home gym long game. It’s the right idea, if you look at the big picture of the future.

Woman rolling up yoga mat with dumbells next to it in her home gym setup.

I’ve always been a member of what they call ‘The Late Majority’ when it comes to tech of any kind.

Chart titled Innovation Adoption Lifecycle

That’s where all the sweet deals and knockoffs happen. So by the time I’m ready to try anything, it’s already a worldwide phenomenon. My clearance aisle panther of a mother is even farther along in the curve… So by the time she wants something, that thing has passed from ‘household name’ to institution.

She wants a Peloton. And that should tell us all something.

See, despite the multitudes of hyper-buff plague deniers licking weights and filling out body bags, a not-insignificant number of people are opting to stay in and attempt a fitness regimen with their home gym, and only their own microbes to contend with.

It’s a smart idea. Some people can sweat up a mask and breathe at the same time while still keeping their faith in the ability of others to wipe the expletive-ing bench, but I’m not one of them. And neither are loads of others. Businesses like the aforementioned bike brand, Dick’s Sporting Goods, Apple’s fitness division, and the expensive clothes-shaped tissue paper manufacturers at Lululemon are all doing their sinister boardroom hand-rubbings virtually over the home gym trend that’s here to stay.

Despite the emergence of the vaccine, new mutations coupled with non-existent government aid, throupled with lack of work-from-home ability in less monied communities, yes, the virus itself is going nowhere fast. And as they usually are, the rich are richer for it, BUT what does that mean for smaller businesses that’ve managed to keep afloat all this time? It’s a case of follow the money. I won’t tell anyone that copying a larger business is always the key to success, but in this case, imitation is the best strategy.

If you haven’t already shelved your ‘When everything opens back up’ plans until at least the middle of next year, go on and shelve ‘em. Meanwhile, scoot all of your physical offerings to be mailed (still super slowly, unfortunately), sexify your mass emails, brush up on your product photography skills, take an SEO course, and just make all your stuff look as appealing as possible from a distance, because that’s how it’s going to be for a long… long time.

Keep the sweat on your new personal stair steppers, and hunker down. By the way, if anyone has a disc and mat for Pump it Up on the PS2 to sell me… You know where my DMs are.

You can't spell "Together" without TGOT: That Goth Over There. Staff Writer, April Bingham, is that goth; and she's all about building bridges— both metaphorically between artistry and entrepreneurship, and literally with tools she probably shouldn't be allowed to learn how to use.

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