How to get people to do what you want
There IS a reason why the title has blanks in it. If you read my last editorial, you know that this one is a bit of detail about the Secret Art of the Skillful Ask.
I have a confession to make, though.
A good deal of what I know about the A word that ends with a K are gleaned from lessons I learned about the F word that ends with a K. Yes, the mating rituals of the hot blooded human contain clues to knowing how to get people in social media to like you and because of that sentiment, be more far more like to do what you want.
Learning the rules with the F word in place of the word Ask helps you remember them. And if you’re against fun things like cursing, it goes both ways. Just pretend I’m saying Ask. I won’t judge you.
Side bar to the stalkers out there? Beware- by “love,” I do not mean LOVE. Which brings us to rule number one…
__king rule number one: Just because you want to ___k, doesn’t mean they want to get ____ked.
In other words, target. Find the right people. I’m the wrong person to pitch an article about a polka band to these days. Just saying.
Pitching to the wrong people costs time, money, and resources, even if you’re doing it the wrong, spammy way with software. You paid for that software, or wasted time learning how to use it. If a tiny bit more effort brings you better results, why not just give it a whirl and see what happens?
__king rule number two: If you want to be able to ___k me over and over again, get your skills up.
For example, let’s say we met in person, and I gave you my number to say you should call me sometime. The last thing I want to see when I turn to walk away is a three line text from you thanking you from adding me to your phone book. (Well except a picture of your hoo-ha. But that’s a given that I don’t want that, right?)
One might even say I’d be creeped the hell out. Especially if I find out that everyone you want to potentially connect with gets that same message. DIE AUTO DM. DIE.
__king rule number number three: Sometimes you can ___k the first time you meet each other, but it’s rare. So do your homework if you want to get some.
Not everyone needs a lot of foreplay. Some people are into casual connections. But influential people aren’t just going to let some stranger just ___k them all willy nilly.
You could get an email disease.
If you build a relationship first, you may or may not get your ___k in first. At least if you lay some groundwork first, your chances for a positive response to the __k will go way up.
__king rule number four: When you’re ready to ___k, know how to ___k. No one likes a sloppy ___k.
Fellow editors? Holla back. What is more annoying than getting some weird __k in the form of a thrown-together PDF file that is in complete violation of every submission guideline you have?
Oh, when people subscribe you to it and then won’t take you off their list? Yet another straight-to-trash filter.
__king rule number five: Both of you should get something out of the ___k you initiate (or at least getting your needs met).
Have you ever been __ked and then felt dirty and used after, fellow influential blogger and journalist types? Had someone cozy up to you until they got the __sk they wanted and then not heard from them on any sort of quid pro quo?
If I’m writing about you on my blog the least you could do is send out a damn tweet about it. You’d think pure self-interest and common sense would make this obvious.
And you, like me, would be wrong.
__king rule number number six: If you __k the wrong person, you may not get the results you were looking for.
So. This is awkward. I don’t know why you thought I would –or could — contort myself that way. No judgement of anyone else, but I’m not the kind of girl who will just lay there and take your __k. Maybe I need to be part of the process, you know.
I really think you should __k other people.
Not “we.” You. I’m not letting anyone else __k me for a few days while I get over this trauma.
__king rule number seven: Before you start ___king: know what goes where.
This is a cousin to sloppy __king. But here, I mean just the facts ma’am. Your __k does not go in my blog comments section, thank you very much.
Don’t try to __k me with attachments. I’m getting plenty of viagra spam viruses. No really, I’m all set.
Also, my name definitely needs to be mentioned if you want to __k me. Even for a one-time __k, it’s flattering to be addressed enthusiastically by your own name.
__king rule number eight: What happens after ___king is as important as when you’re ___king. Even if you don’t think you’ll need to ___k that person again.
The world is getting smaller and smaller. And the more you find yourself __king around, the more you’re going to run into people who know the people you have __ked.
And with enough bad report cards? Pretty soon people, you’ll be __ked.
__king rule number nine: WIFM; Why should I accept an incoming ___k from you? What’s in it for me?
Of course no one is going to you through a detailed interview process just because of an __k.
That’s because the __k IS the interview. How you ask, what you ask, all these things are important. Think about what is in it for your blogger friend.
All jokes aside. This is how I __k:
These are the items I keep in my __k folder. Before I send anyone an __k, friend or stranger, I put my __k through the following paces. Hopefully these questions will help you think about it from the other person’s perspective.
- Who should I be asking?
- What do I want to ask them to do?
- Why will they say yes when I ask?
- How should I ask them – what is the best way?
- Have my made my offer irresistible to answer?
- Have I made my offer super-easy and super-fast to execute?
- If they say yes to my ask, what comes next?
Follow these 10 rules and have a friend evaluate your master __k copy before you start sending out the individual, personalized __ks. (You do that, right?)
And who knows. You might become a __king champion.