Usually I have to wait several weeks to accumulate enough fodder from The MLS to fill a blooper blog, but this week was exceptional. It has been a long year, and agents out there are either exceptionally tired…or exceptionally loaded. Here is the best of the week:
Real Estate with a Twist
Proudly erect Old Gory (Try to keep it at half staff, boys.)
Polished Pig-n-groove floors (And who says you can’t dress up a pig?)
Depressed property specialist (Motto: We blame low prices on your bad childhood.)
Clotted cheese ceilings have been removed (Clotted brained agent still on duty.)
Kitchen with new farm stink (I’ll bet it has pig-n-groove floors.)
Sellers have been dislocated (Apparently Vini “The Squeeze” Gambino represented the buyers.)
House with creeping jasmine and red shingles (A Scratch and Sniff delight.)
Cooktop with gretle (Hansel in oven)
Experienced at shot sales (That’s obvious, you lush.)
Many armenities (Upgrades for Armenians)
English Not Required Here
Entelligent design (Remedial agent.)
His and Herse sinks (For the spouse who wants to drown himself)
Well laid floor (Smiling contractor on call.)
Handrubbed basebroads – (These broads must live in the house with the “Well Laid Floor”…)
New Assfault (That sounds more deadly than the San Andreas!))
Antique travesties in public room (This must be a Nursing Home.)
Charming Mud Century home (Ark out back.)
Light screams in living room (Texas Chain Saw murderer in foyer.)
Vintage pub in bathroom (This gives new meaning to “doing shooters.”)
Abcessed lighting in romantic designer bedroom (Lust ‘n Pus)
New sliming doors (Designer also known for her Pus House.)
Leaded gass accents (Short walk to Taco Bell.)
And This Week’s Favorite:
“This house will make you yell, Horney, stop the car!” (There’s nothing like a really HOT buyer!)
