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“Scalped ceilings” and other MLS hair-raisers

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Wait until you see the characters who showed up this week on the MLS…well, at least tangentially. It was a great week for laughs, and many were provided by Jane PetersJan Pastras, and Patrick Martin, all from right here in sunny L.A. Thanks to you all for helping me be virulent. Uh, I mean vigilant:

Neither ‘Hair” nor There

“Nice scalped ceilings” (Designed by Tonto Interiors)

“Larder than others in the area”  ( Roseanne Barr must be selling her house.)

“Fellow directions” (Since when do fellows ask for directions?)

‘I’ll work garder for you” (Thank you,  Blaze Starr.)

“Horse property w/ room for stills” (Uncle Paddy, get off your bar stool – I found the house of your dreams!)

You Say Potato, I Say Kato

“Drop by for coattail hour” (Hosted by coattail experts Larry Fortensky, Kato Kaelin and Kevin Federline.)

“Needs work but not a teard” (Don’t cry for me Argentina.)

“Nice home. Show cokd.” (That’s fairly obvious, Ms. McSnorty.)

“”Manure foliage” (Sh_t for brains agent)

“Gas ready” (Just like Uncle Paddy…)

Quaked and Half-Baked

“So sorry – no seismic ins” (This must be on the Not My Fault Line.)

“New fence gaye” (A fence with a lisp?)

“Famedia room” (Is this a room or an STD?)

“Master now don” (I’ll call him “The Donald,” but there’s no way I’ll call him “master”!

My Fave’ Rave

“Sellr movng away –  not going to fix anyting, not repairs, not pest, not cracks, not nothimng.” (Buyer walking away – not going  to offer a dollar, not a dime, not a farthing…not nothimng, nit-wit!)

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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22 Comments

22 Comments

  1. Ricardo Bueno | a.k.a. Ribeezie

    April 15, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    This was my favorite ==> “Sellr movng away – not going to fix anyting, not repairs, not pest, not cracks, not nothimng.” (Buyer walking away – not going to offer a dollar, not a dime, not a farthing…not nothimng, nit-wit!)

  2. Gwen Banta

    April 15, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    I loved that one, Ricardo. That's the kind of agent who uses a chain saw to trim a moustache – serious overkill!

  3. Gwen Banta

    April 15, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    @realestate babble and @redfinChicago – thanks for the mention!

  4. Paula Henry

    April 15, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    I was going to send you some this week, but these are much better! The last one was best, buyer walking, no deal!

  5. Gwen Banta

    April 15, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    I'm counting on some Indy bloopers next week, Paula. Have a great weekend!

  6. MH for Movoto

    April 18, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Wow, some of these are so far gone that i don't even know what they MEANT to say! Great post, as always.

  7. sfvrealestate

    April 19, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    These are great! I also just discovered Lovely Listings at Icanhascheezburger.com. My favorite there is the urinal next to the fireplace.

  8. Gwen Banta

    April 19, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    @sfvrealestate Thanks for the tip to a very funny site. Maybe the urinal next to the fireplace is for those who need warm buns 🙂

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Business Marketing

Easy email signature builder quickly updates your info

(BUSINESS MARKETING) When’s the last time you updated your email signature? That long? You might want to look at just sign, a new, quick, and easy, email signature generator.

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just sign email

The last thing any of us are thinking about right now is email. While we’re all staying safer at home, though, it’s a good time to think about all the little things that need our attention, but typically get neglected: clearing out the email inbox, unsubscribing from things no longer relevant, and updating our email signatures. Why the email signature?

Oftentimes, we change emails when we change jobs and forget to change our signatures to reflect our new address. The same is true with social media; if we happen to change jobs, due to our own choice or by necessity thanks to the virus, we may need to update our social media profiles accordingly, especially if the new job suddenly makes this a requirement.

One of the fastest ways to update your email signature is with a generator. An email signature generator can help you quickly make a professional looking signature in about half the time it would take you to manually add each individual component.

Just Sign is one of the quickest options I’ve seen. This email signature generator is ultra simple, ultra easy, and ultra effective. It allows you to add clickable social links, a profile picture or logo, and all relevant contact information. It also allows you to choose a color scheme and tailor the formatting a bit to your preferences. As you begin to add options to your signature, you can see a preview of what the final product will look like in the right-hand panel.

Just Sign welcome

This allows you to make any necessary changes before downloading the finished product. When you have your signature perfected, simply click the purple “generate signature” button and you’re ready to go.

Just Sign is an easy, quick way to check another thing off your to-do list while we’re all at home. If you have already updated your signature, you might save this link for later use as it’s a good idea to revisit your signature a few times a year. Oftentimes, I revise mine simply to keep the attached picture updated. Have you updated your signature lately? Do you plan to? Let us know what you think of Just Sign.

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Business Marketing

How one employer beat an age discrimination lawsuit

(BUSINESS MARKETING) Age discrimination is a rare occurrence but still something to be battled. It’s good practice to keep your house in order to be on the right side.

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Jewel age discrimination

In January, the EEOC released its annual accounting for reports of discrimination in the previous year. Allegations of retaliation were the most frequently filed charge, which disability coming in second. Age discrimination cases accounted for 21.4% of filed charges. As we’ve reported before, not all age discrimination complaints rise to the level of illegal discrimination. In Cesario v. Jewel Food Stores, Inc., the federal court dismissed the claims of age discrimination, even though seven (7) plaintiffs made similar claims against the grocery store.

What Cesario v. Jewel Food Stores was about

In Cesario, all but one of the seven plaintiffs had spent years with Jewel Food building their careers. When Jewel went through some financial troubles, the plaintiffs allege that they began to “experience significant pressure at work… (and) were eventually forced out or terminated because of their age or disability.” Jewel Food requested summary judgment to dismiss the claims.

The seven plaintiffs made the same type of complaints. Beginning in 2014, store directors were under pressure to improve metrics and customer satisfaction. Cesario alleges that the Jewel district manager asked about his age. Another director alleges that younger store directors were transferred to stores with less difficulties. One plaintiff alleged that Jewel Food managers asked him about his retirement. The EEOC complaints began in late 2015. The plaintiffs retired or were fired and subsequently filed a lawsuit against their company.

Age discrimination is prohibited by the Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967, (ADEA). The ADEA prevents disparate treatment based on age for workers over 40 years old. However, plaintiffs who allege disparate treatment must establish that the adverse reactions wouldn’t have occurred but for age. Because none of the plaintiffs could specifically point to age as the only determination of their case, the court dismissed the case.

A word to wise businesses

Jewel Food was able to demonstrate their own actions in the case through careful documentation. Although there was no evidence that age played a factor in any discharge decision, Jewel Food could document their personnel decisions across the board. The plaintiffs also didn’t exhaust all administrative remedies. This led to the case being dropped.

Lesson learned – Make personnel decisions based on performance and evidence. Don’t use age as a factor. Keep documentation to support your decisions.

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Business Marketing

in 2021 the EU will enforce ‘right to repair’ for phones and tablets

(BUSINESS NEWS) The EU says NO to planned obsolescence by…letting you fix your own stuff? The right to repair has started to make headway again.

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Right to repair

Not to be a loyalist turncoat about it, but sometimes the European Union comes out with stuff that makes me want Texas to go back to being Mexico, and then back to being Spain.

The latest in sustainability news from across the pond is that in 2021, the Old World is saying no to Euro-trash, and insisting on implementing:

Right to repair laws
Higher sustainable materials quotas
Ease of transfer for replaced items (ie: letting you sell your old phone without the need for jailbreaking anything)
and Universal adaptors for things like phone chargers, and connection cables

Hallelujah!

Consumers worldwide have been feeling the pinch of realizing their (cough cough, mostly Apple brand) technology not only breaks easily, but either can’t be fixed afterwards, or requires costly branded repairs.

The phenomenon has given rise to rogue mobile repair shops, Reddit threads, and renegade fix-it philanthropists like Louis Rossman. And while they certainly HELP, the best thing for a problem is to cut it off proactively. Since companies were making too much money not picking up the slack, the EU’s decided to take the steps to force their hands.

I’m always on my soapbox, but I’ll stack another one on top for this: Planned obsolescence and the assumption that a company has any right to tell you you can’t repair, restore, revamp, or re-home your own possessions are obscene. And to be fair to Apple fans, it’s not just in tech—it’s in damn near everything that’s not meant to be EATEN. Literally.

I bought a STAPLER for a volunteer gig I had. A good, sturdy Staedtler one that I figured would serve the project and continue to stand me in good stead for a while. After a few dozen price tags attached to baggies, the stapler jammed, as staplers do. No worries, you find a knife and wedge out the stuck staple…except I couldn’t. Because the normal slot for that was covered by a metal plate literally welded in place so that I couldn’t perform a grade-school level fix on something I paid for less than 24 hours prior.

Rather than stand behind a product that’s supposed to last, companies, even down to simple office ware, have opted to tinker away to force consumers to trash their current products to buy newer ones. Which I did in the stapler case. A rusty second hand one that didn’t HAVE that retroactive BS ‘Let’s create a problem’ plate on it, meaning no company but the resale non-profit I was helping out in the first place got any more money from me.

Consumers are wising up, and fewer lawmakers are still stuck in the fog of the 90s and 2000s surrounding our everyday machinery. The gray areas are settling into solid black and white, and SMART smart-businesses here stateside will change their colors accordingly.

Now while we’re all still quarantined and hoping for these laws to wash up onto American shores…who has craft ideas for the five-dozen different chargers we all have?

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