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Opinion Editorials

“Call me SAP” – idiots among us (the MLS)

I propose that Realtors be asked to take a spelling test if they plan to write their own listing remarks. Kids in school have to pass spelling tests, so why shouldn’t we? However, I must admit that’s a tall order. When I think of how many agents actually pronounce “Realtor” as “Real-a-tor,” I shudder to think of the spelling outcome. Is there such a thing as Death By Spelling? You decide:

I.Q. Alert: Missing ‘I’ !

“Will go fast. Call me SAP.” (Why not…I’m sure all your friends do.)

“Can be expansted” (Too bad your brain can’t.)

“Tasty décor” (Brought to you by the makers of edible panties.)

“Handmaid bar” (I’ve heard those vixens really like to get toasted.)

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And Then There’s Stan…

“Stanless kitchen” (That’s because Stan was caught in the neighbor’s bedroom.)

“Good semented driveway”  (Let me guess – Stan again?)

“Some stan on carpet” (Methinks Stan needs sex rehab.) 

“Dick space on top of garage” (Don’t tell me, tell Stan!)

You Know When Your Days Are Numbered                                                                                                                                                      

“You can’t louse with this” (Offered by Spice-o-Lice Realty)

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 “Nice antique laps” (That’s what  horny Uncle Paddy says about his rest home.)

“Settlement in back of house” (What is this – a Pilgrim alert?)

“Beutiful boogervilla tree” (An homage to Pancho Villa’s snot problem?)

“Need truss advisery” (Ok. I’d advise you to put the truss on your hernia – it’s that lump that’s bigger than your brain.)

Kiss Your Petute Good-Bye

“Unpermanent space” (Kind of like your office chair?)

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“Cezherstoned counters” (…Not nearly as stoned as you are!)

That’s it for this week, friends. Spell well and Sell well!

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Tellis Coleman

    August 26, 2011 at 11:22 am

    That damn Stan at it again. HILARIOUS as usual.

  2. Gwen Banta

    August 26, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    It's Stan the Man – The man who CAN!

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