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Opinion Editorials

“Lick up” – real estate listings that need a good spit shine

There was a lot of spit-shining needed on the MLS and in local ads this week. It seems a lot of people cannot  spell in our native tongue.  Thanks to Jane Peters for her great contribution. Take a lick, uh, “look” at these:

Lapping It Up

“Be sure to lick up” (Rent a pack of jackals, pal – this tongue ain’t for rent!)

“Awe-inspiting views”  (That’s great if you’re sitting in a dental chair.)

“Look websight for time” (One look says Happy Hour in your office has already started.)

“EZ access-God direct” (When you see Him, tell Him He forgot to give you a spelling gene.)

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“Leave cad” (Too late – I divorced him.)

“Nice bird sanitary” (Sure…until they unload on your thick skull.)

No key to success

“Don’t tak key coz I’ll know who” (What will you do – beat me to death with your sixth grade diploma?)

“Seller said really want to be close” (…same thing Arnold said to his housekeeper.)

“Laundrey in grarage” (…which is where you should park your license.)

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“Big commas accent porch” (…big question mark accents your career.)

“Must apply for loan fist” (Call my Uncle Vito “The Vice” – he’s the local loan fist back in Jersey.)

“Call tanks” (…great suggestion for L.A. rush hour.)

Jane’s Corner

Question (on Trulia): “Wat middle school to send my drauather”

Answer: Dear Marshmallow Brain,  My first piece of advice is: NOT THE SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED! My second piece of advice is: Do not smoke a bowl and then type – the results will be distrasterass. My third piece of advice: SURE AS HELL NOT THE SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED!

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My Pick of the Week:

“Will be nice if bend over” (Offered by Hollywood Casting Couch Realty.)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Gwen Banta

    July 29, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Thanks for the re-Tweets everyone. That was very tweet of you. (I can hear you groaning…)

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