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Real Estate, the French, and the Hollywood “Bowel”

can canBelieve it or not, last week there actually was an ad in the MLS Caravan Express announcing a house where you could “Live Near the Hollywood Bowel.” It boggles the mind. I suppose the location was “easy in and out.” (Or maybe the agent hails from Flushing.) I am not sure how many of these MLS bloopers are foolishness or how many are Freudian, but they sure make for good reading. Here are this week’s hilarious contributions: 

Are you high???

Fireplace with stone hearse. (For those seeking a ride to their crematorium.)

Nude sculptor non negotiable (I dunno – he sounds pretty easy to me.)

Built-in BBQ and attractive duck (Get your affairs in order, Daffy.)

Gym and handleball courts (I knew that sooner or later men would make this a sport!)

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New Irritation system (I suspect this is connected to the Hollywood Bowel)

New deposit roof (A house that’s located near a bird sanctuary.)

House has shudders (House needs Valium)

Beautiful bougainvillea and crapping fig (Agent with s__t for brains)

Built-in aquarium occluded (Dead fish included)

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Korean countertops (If you cook on the North side of the kitchen, you’ll be shot.)

Soapstoned counters (Well stoned agent.)

Foe painting (If you can’t shoot your enemies, decorate ‘em.)

Windows with Loeueverres (Agent in stuuppoor?)

French drawers lead to entertainment area (Those naughty French!)

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Enclosed gazebo for all seasoning (For those who want to add some spice to their lives.)

Frigidhare in kitchen (Frustrated hare in bedroom.)

Great area for dog runs (Again with the Hollywood Bowel!)

And my favorite:

View the mounting area from your porch. (No doubt those frolicking French are involved.)

For more MLS bloopers, please visit

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Missy Caulk

    September 25, 2009 at 11:02 am

    I hope you are writing a book. It would be a best seller.

  2. Joe Loomer

    September 25, 2009 at 11:44 am

    OMG! I think I showed some of these homes!

    Racked my brain to say something witty about a home I showed last night – the only thing that came to mind was “Beetlejuice.”

    Navy Chief ROFLMAO!

  3. Ginny Cain McMurtrie

    September 25, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Why pick on the French? Very funny!

  4. Brandie Young

    September 25, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    Perhaps the hare is frigid because it’s in the Korean kitchen and worried about being shot?

  5. Gwen Banta

    September 25, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    Thanks, Missy. I am looking for an agent for my crime novel, but perhaps I’ll have better success if I change the setting to the world of real estate. However, I’d have to move it from the category of fiction to fantasy, because no one outside our world would believe it!

  6. Gwen Banta

    September 25, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    I think I have seen that home, Joe! I previewed a home recently that had more rats than the Williard movie. That’s the reason I look for the humor in real estate – it allows me to keep my last tenuous grasp on my sanity.

  7. Gwen Banta

    September 25, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    Or maybe it’s afraid of being sucked down the Hollywood Bowel, Brandie.

  8. Joe Loomer

    September 26, 2009 at 9:36 am

    I think the hare would be fine in the Korean kitchen. Dogs, mind you, are another story….

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  9. Gwen Banta

    September 26, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    You are right, Joe – that explains the “dog runs.”

  10. Joe Loomer

    September 29, 2009 at 10:46 am

    OMG – just saw these picture captions and thought of you, Gwen:

    “In Law Suit”

    “Rebut Kitchen”

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