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“Toke All Offers” – And Other Colorful MLS Propositions

There’s a party going on, and somehow – thanks to the MLS – we all got invited. Call me mellow yellow, but is there a strange skunk-like smell in the room?  Be careful reading this – you may get a contact high:

The Brownies Taste Strange, and The Party Is Just Getting Started…

“Dining area w/ baguette” (For buyers who are well-bread, from someone who’s half-baked.)

“Please keep kennel shat” (I have no choice – it’s on my shoe.)

“Frosty glass touches” (Let me guess – a corncob pipe and a button nose?)

“Bonk beds included” (Hmmm…throw in a hot guy, and I’ll buy the dang house!)

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“Seller says toke all offers” (Party on, Dude.)

What Are You Rolling?

“Some wok will make this nice” (Mused Jackie Chan while wielding a Chinese cucumber.)

“Sellers left skate – very negotiable” (That’s great…if you’re a one legged skater.)

“Must have bank committed” (People who belong in straight-jackets should not throw stones.)

“Custom backslash” (Back off, Freddy Kreuger!)

C-o-o-ol, The Lava Lamp Is On

“Xtra pot available” (Methinks you’re already one toke over the line, Ozzy.)

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“Just need to spliff up” (Said Willie Nelson while face down “on the road again.”)

“Just needs a fix” (Muttered Keith Richards to the chair with whom he was conversing.”

“Soapstoned counters” (Put down the bong and step away from the keyboard, Snoop.)

“Lamestone bath” (Intoned the lame, stoned agent.)

“Nightspots just a hip away” (I believe you mean a liver away.)

And One Last Hit…

“What’s not to lick?” (Uh, if I have to tell you, you shouldn’t  be allowed out of the house.)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Nanette Labastida

    January 14, 2011 at 9:47 am

    i think this is is the funniest one yet!

  2. Sheila Rasak

    January 14, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Feeling quite schwilly over here after reading this and need to go back to bed! What a way to start the day…


  3. Tara Miller

    January 14, 2011 at 10:58 am

    I always enjoy reading these – thanks so much for compiling them! Plus- it helps me to justify my position on my team – I’m the admin person, so I’m the one who prevents these types of errors from happening in my agents’ listings! 🙂

  4. Gwen Banta

    January 14, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    Thank you, Nanette, Tara and Sheila. It’s nice to know my blog gave you a contact high 🙂 (Nanette, look for your contribution in next week’s blog – it’s a great addition, thanks!)

  5. Matt Stigliano

    January 18, 2011 at 8:55 am

    I heart Gwen.

    That is all.

  6. Gwen Banta

    January 18, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Matt, I double-heart you back!

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