Strange Brew: Behold The MLS

Fetch Me a Cold one

It’s been another week of marvelous MLS bloopers, friends. Sit back, prop up those tired feet, and have a few laughs. Some of these come straight from the Guinness Book of Bloopers. (That’s Guinness, as in the Irish ale. I think a few of these agents must chug that stuff.)

Order Me Another

“Beautiful Curved Spinal Staircase” – (That’s called scoliosis, bozo.)

“Three Stunning Decks, Two Walking Closets” (And a partridge in a pear tree.)

“Mother died – Sellers committed” (Pushing Daisies and Bag-o-Crazies)

“Buyers are Certifiable” (Margot Kidder and Anne Heche must be home shopping)

“Bar w/ bankok seating” (Happy hour special: Mai Thais.)

“House on peers” (Cue the music and tell ‘em, Mick: “Don’t wanna be your beast of burden…”)

“New pipes and antiseptic system (We ream ‘em then clean ‘em)

“Small criminal activity” (I think they prefer the term “little people”)

Bottoms Up

“Peek-a-boop city view in main bath” (Referred to as a boop-n-poop.)

“Remodelvated master” (Retarderated listing agent.)

“Plse be confederate of tenants” (…Or what – will they file a Civil War suit?)

“Own a piece of heathen” (I’d prefer a whole heathen, thanks – I need a date for New Year.)

“New sement pool” (Yup, we girls heard they’re real swimmers, gentlemen.)

“Double oven – a beggar’s delight” (What is it – sterno and a pie tin?)

“Beautiful shallot on side of mountain” (Credit given to repair leeks)

The Place is Clearing Out

“Vacant – Go See After Seller Leaves” (Make offer after seller smacks agent)

“Vacant except for tenant.” (Agent brilliant – except for brain damage.)

“Dlvrd vcunt” (Oh Dear God, did you really write that???)

Last Call:

“Call for kockbox code” (I know the code – pick any number between one and a gazillion and it’s available to any woman on the planet. Now pour me another Guinness.