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Strange Brew: Behold The MLS



Guinness posterFetch Me a Cold one

It’s been another week of marvelous MLS bloopers, friends. Sit back, prop up those tired feet, and have a few laughs. Some of these come straight from the Guinness Book of Bloopers. (That’s Guinness, as in the Irish ale. I think a few of these agents must chug that stuff.)

Order Me Another

“Beautiful Curved Spinal Staircase” – (That’s called scoliosis, bozo.)

“Three Stunning Decks, Two Walking Closets” (And a partridge in a pear tree.)

“Mother died – Sellers committed” (Pushing Daisies and Bag-o-Crazies)

“Buyers are Certifiable” (Margot Kidder and Anne Heche must be home shopping)

“Bar w/ bankok seating” (Happy hour special: Mai Thais.)

“House on peers” (Cue the music and tell ‘em, Mick: “Don’t wanna be your beast of burden…”)

“New pipes and antiseptic system (We ream ‘em then clean ‘em)

“Small criminal activity” (I think they prefer the term “little people”)

Bottoms Up

“Peek-a-boop city view in main bath” (Referred to as a boop-n-poop.)

“Remodelvated master” (Retarderated listing agent.)

“Plse be confederate of tenants” (…Or what – will they file a Civil War suit?)

“Own a piece of heathen” (I’d prefer a whole heathen, thanks – I need a date for New Year.)

“New sement pool” (Yup, we girls heard they’re real swimmers, gentlemen.)

“Double oven – a beggar’s delight” (What is it – sterno and a pie tin?)

“Beautiful shallot on side of mountain” (Credit given to repair leeks)

The Place is Clearing Out

“Vacant – Go See After Seller Leaves” (Make offer after seller smacks agent)

“Vacant except for tenant.” (Agent brilliant – except for brain damage.)

“Dlvrd vcunt” (Oh Dear God, did you really write that???)

Last Call:

“Call for kockbox code” (I know the code – pick any number between one and a gazillion and it’s available to any woman on the planet. Now pour me another Guinness.

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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  1. MIssy Caulk

    December 16, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    Gwen, believe it or not I just finished a book called God and Guiness.
    What a story of the history of the Guiness family and how they gave so much to charity and really help Ireland. They continue to do so.
    Ok, not the point of your post, but the title and photo got me, so had to stop and recommend the book.

  2. Gwen Banta

    December 17, 2009 at 1:02 am

    Thanks so much for recommending the book, Missy – and I wholeheartedly recommend the brew!

  3. Patrick Flynn

    December 18, 2009 at 10:14 am

    Thanks again Gwen…you make Fridays just a little better!

  4. egoldre

    December 18, 2009 at 11:29 am

    Too funny Gwen! I echo Patricks comment. You do make Fridays better!

  5. Gwen Banta

    December 18, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    Thank YOU, Patrick and Erin – and you just made MY Friday a lot better!

  6. Joe Loomer

    December 18, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    Sweet love of God – this is how one should always end the week! A pint of Guiness served up by Gwen! Delicious!

    I cannot believe the second-to-last one – I think I sharted when I read it – did I really type that?

    Navy Chief, Nvy prd

  7. Gwen Banta

    December 18, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    Yes – taht’s yours, Hoe. I am checking your MLS listings daily – that’s where I get my best material! I hope the job is going well. Happy, happy holidays!

  8. Gwen Banta

    December 18, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Joe Loomer – I am now laughing at myself – HYSTERICALLY. My typing sucks to begin with, and I apparently typed “taht’s yours, Hoe.” OMG – I can’t stop laughing. I just called you a HOE!!! Perhaps it was Freudian, but at least we know how these MLS blunders occur – hitting “SUBMIT” faster than the tired old brain makes recognition of the blunders made by those foes called fingers. I am now the poster child of the blooper – but I sure am glad you were my victim!

  9. Joe Loomer

    December 18, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    If I have to be someone’s Hoe, I’m glad it’s yours, Hen, I mean Gwen, dangit! Now I’m doing it!

  10. Gwen Banta

    December 18, 2009 at 6:19 pm

    That’s “Gluhwein,” to you, Joe – as in “mulled” and alcohol.

  11. Gwen Banta

    April 24, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Thanks for the repost, 🙂

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Short sales: the top 3 title insurance troubles

Short sales are not without challenges, but knowing the answers to the most common obstacles and questions can aide in a less stressful transaction.





The importance of title insurance

When my husband and I purchased our first home, I was very young and very green. At the closing, our agent passed us our title insurance policy and said, “Put this in a safe place, and do not EVER throw it away.” At the time, I had absolutely no clue about title insurance, why it was important, and how it could save you from a world of trouble.

Decades later, working short sales, it’s the title reports and those dreaded liens that seem to be what gets us into all sorts of trouble. In fact, most of the reader questions that I received this past week related to title woes.

Three common short sale questions

Question: When I run the Statement of Information for my seller, it comes up with a child support lien and a mechanic’s lien. My seller says that he is aware of those liens, but has no money to make good on those debts. What should I do?

Answer: In short sales, the first lien holder will authorize funds from the proceeds to pay off a variety of expenses associated with the sale. These include commission, settlement fees, title insurance fees, and other mortgage liens. However, it is extremely uncommon for the short sale lender to offer to pay off a seller’s personal debts. Before you spend months and months processing the short sale, I’d strategize to ascertain whether you will be able to help the seller make good on these debts prior to closing. Otherwise, you should probably run like the wind.

Question: I am dealing with the IRS on a tax lien that needs to be released prior to short sale closing, and the IRS won’t budge. What should I do?

Answer: First off, it’s always a good idea to get non-institutional liens released early. At the time that you take a short sale listing, work with the title company to run a Statement of Information on the property owners. That way, if something comes up (like an IRS lien), you have plenty of time to work it out.

Generally, the IRS and the state tax authorities have mechanisms in place to remove these liens from title at no charge, since there is no equity coming from the sale. A tax attorney can guide you through the process. However, ask your title officer or title representative if they can work with you on this problem. The good news is that some title companies can help agents and you can avoid working with the IRS.

Question: I have a second lien on title with Chase Bank. Yet, when I contact Chase Bank, they tell me that the loan has been charged off and I need to contact the company where they transferred the loan. However, they do not have a record of where it was transferred. I’m between a rock and a hard place. What do I do?

Answer: This kind of chaos happens all the time with short sales, and it is very frustrating. Generally, if you contact the executive offices at the bank where the loan was held originally (in this case, Chase Bank), they can have their research department obtain information about where to call.

Another option might be to ask the lender for a “zero demand”. If they charged off the loan and show a balance of zero, then maybe they will send a zero demand and not further short sale negotiation would be necessary for this lien. Hey… without a second lien on title, maybe this won’t even be a short sale any longer!

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How to avoid short sale buyer frustrations

Minimizing the frustrations that come with a short sale is often seen as a mythical possibility, but with these simple tips, any short sale transaction can go more smoothly.





Short sale frustration all around

Representing a buyer in a short sale can often be very frustrating. Primarily, that’s because of the unknowns associated with the short sale transaction. For one, nobody knows how long it’s going to take to obtain short sale approval. Actually, you don’t even know if you will get short sale approval. Not only that, but you also have to wait a fairly long time to learn the approved terms of the purchase. It’s frustrating to wait and wait, and then learn that the direction of the short sale is not the direction that the buyer is interested in taking.

Good communication is the key to short sale success. It’s vital for short sale listing agents to make communication with the buyer’s agent a regular and systematic part of the week. No matter how insignificant the short sale task, it is important to communicate with the buyer and the buyer’s agent and let them know that there are baby steps towards short sale approval.

One significant step towards short sale approval often comes after the bank’s valuation (BPO) when the bank makes a counter offer. Depending upon the short sale lender, this counter offer can come via email (in an email message), via telephone, or through an online platform such as Equator.

And then there are the counter offers…

Buyer’s agents and buyers often request to see the counter in writing. However, depending upon the short sale lender, this is often just not possible. Bank negotiators have contacted the short sale agent via phone, reviewed the settlement statement, and alerted the short sale agent as to what they will approve and what minimum net they might take accept in order to move forward with the short sale.

Since these counter offers usually do not come in writing, it’s important for the buyer’s agent to set the buyer expectations accordingly. Make buyers aware that there is lots of ‘verbal’ back and forth during the process. Many times it is only the short sale approval letter, the document that allows them to close, which comes in writing.

If buyers are willing to wait and keep the faith and understand that this process is a little more challenging and unique then most, they may find that they are getting a great deal on a wonderful property—often in better condition than the abandoned REO down the street.

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Short sale: are there situations when agents can’t earn a commission?

Short sale: are there actually situations where an agent would not get paid? There are some complicated situations when it comes to short sales, and we address one here today.



short sale agent

short sale agent
A short sale listing agent recently reached out to me to ask whether an agent principal can earn commission in a short sale transaction. This agent, Agent Alice*, was told that there are certain situations where licensees cannot earn a commission when buying a short sale.

The question:

Agent Alice received an offer on her listing from Agent Alex. Agent Alex is both the buyer and the principal. Agent Alice wanted to know whether the bank would pay a commission to Agent Alex at closing, since he is both the buyer and a principal.

The answer:

All of the major lenders including Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac employ some sort of arm’s length affidavit in which the buyers, the sellers, and the agents acknowledge (often in front of a Notary Public) that none has a business or familial relationship with another party outside of the transaction. Between this affidavit and investor guidelines for short sale commission, it is uncommon for the short sale lender to permit a commission to be earned by an agent principal.

Agent Alice then asked me whether Alex’s Broker, Broker Bob, could represent Agent Alex and earn a commission. While I do not work for the short sale lenders and cannot predict each short sale lender’s response, I’d say that it would be best to avoid this scenario, since the two have a business relationship outside of the transaction.

My two cents:

When I recently posed these scenarios to a group of agents, many shared creative ways to obtain a commission for Agent Alex. Remember that any creative solution whereby Agent Alex earns commission must also show his commission on the HUD-1 that is approved by the short sale lender prior to closing. As such, it is highly unlikely that there is a legitimate workaround for this problem.

The solution:

The easiest and safest way for Agent Alex to purchase Agent Alice’s listing is to seek representation outside of his brokerage. Not only will this assure that the buyer’s agent earns a commission, but it will also assure that all parties comply with the requirements of most lender short sale addenda.


*The names of the agents and the brokers in this post are pure fiction. Any relation to real listing or buyer’s agents is merely coincidental.

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