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Opinion Editorials

Take odd shoes – and other MLS oddities and bloopers

Are you guilty of littering the MLS with cast-off listing remarks, egregious misspellings, and idiotic utterances? These MLS bloopers prove that some agents are. Thus, if the shoe fits, wear it…even if it’s the only shoe you have left. Thanks to Michael Jacobs from San Marino for his great contributions. Check these out:

Offers From Idiots

“Please take odd shoes” (That’s nice…if you’re a one-legged buyer.)

“This is a real budget blister” (The real abscess is that thing between your ears.)

“Ask for current” (Proudly offered by Death Row Realty)

“Kooks good” (Obviously your seller thought so when he gave you the listing.)

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“New dim room” (That’s your brain, darlin’.)

Offers With Substance

“Can’t shot Sunday” (…due to too many shots Saturday night.)

“NOW! HURRY! DON’T WAIT! SEE MONDAY IN THE POCKET” (…What I see, Speedy, is white stuff up your nose.)

“View from roof” (Excerpt from The Timothy Leary Manual on Sales Pitches…)

Zip That Lip

“Pool off by the big pool” (Thanks for offering, you big tool.)

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“Just ass me” (Trust me, that ship has sailed.)

“New collars throughout” (Call Dominatrix Dorothy at 555-M-O-R-O-N.)

The Tudors

“Gorgeous tutor home” (Someone must be hot for teacher.)

“Tooter home on big lot” (Methinks it’s best to keep your tooter in your pants.)


“Waiting for sext owner” (Well, a sext owner is a happy owner.)

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“Kiddies will have balls on trampoline” (OUCH…but I suppose that’s one way to curb population growth.)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Joe Loomer

    August 12, 2011 at 6:46 am

    I figured out they call you LA's "Sherlock of Homes" because you're able to find all these wonderful bloopers! Thanks for my Friday laugh, Gwen!

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  2. Liz Benitez

    August 12, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Ouch!! Thanks for the laughs. Growing up "they" always said people that make fun of others are just trying to make themselves feel good. 🙂 I feel good, how bout you?

  3. Gwen Banta

    August 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    Thanks, for reading, Joe. My talent in spotting these comes from the recesses of a twisted mind…but you already knew that 🙂

  4. Gwen Banta

    August 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Liz, I feel great. Stupidity earns its own laughs!

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