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Offers you cannot-a refuse-uh [MLS Gaffes]

Here we go again, friends – more howls this week because agents can’t spell, or they have “ham fingers” at the keyboard, or they cannot proofread, or they type while inebriated, or they are pulling my chain. Take your pick as you check out some of these offers you can’t refuse, including a few from the Jersey Mob boys: 

This Week’s Tribute to Jersey

“Villa with hellichopper pad” (Designed by celebrity chopper, Tony Soprano.)

“Submit offera now” (Said Ralphie Cifaretto, shortly before he ended up in a bowling bag.)

“This wona break you.” (Said Paulie “Walnuts” to Richie Aprile…while shoving his body through a meat grinder at Satriales’ Pork Store)

“Vacant clots” (Richie Aprile at his own funeral.)

“Four remolded rowhouses near Little Italy” (Four adjoining meat lockers at Satriale’s.)

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“Next to this, others will pole” (Saturday night at the Bada Bing.)

“Contiguous plots with ocean view” (Cement-Shoes Cemetery…somewhere off the Jersey Coast)

Who Can Refuse?

“New jim” (I suspect he used to be “old Nancy.”)

“Big play aria” (I think that’s called an opera, pal.)

“This is a real jowel.” (Jaw-dropping, I’ll bet!)

“A diamond in disgust”  (Talk about stoned!)

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“Ranch with livestuck” (House with Brand Moo built-ins…)

Below the Belt

“Seller financing terds offered” (No s__t?)

“Front entry with pornico” (Must be 21 to enter.)

“Three  lush lost near beach” (One lush found belly up near keyboard.)

“Ho ceil’gs in lvg rm” (Must be a short term “rental”…)

“Easy assess” (I’ll tell you who the a__ is!)

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And Business As Usual…

“Submit business card for free grift” (Cue the music, please: “Money makes the world go ’round, the world go ’round, the world go ’round”)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Rob McCance

    September 30, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    You found some good ones this time!

    “A diamond in disgust”

    I’m thinking about working this one into the regularily used arsenal.

    • Kelsey/AG

      October 1, 2010 at 6:47 pm


      “A diamond in disgust” (Talk about stoned!) – This one was my favorite one this week too! Sooo funny!


      You get me every week with these! They really are hilarious. Nice job finding them, and even nicer job with your follow up comments!

  2. gwen banta

    September 30, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Rob, that blooper has it’s own kind of truth, doesn’t it? It’s an even better description of a fixer than “diamond in disguise”!

  3. Sheila Rasak

    September 30, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Gwen! You make me howl with laughter each time you post these! (But seriously, stop looking at my listings and calling attention to my blunders, my client base is dropping by the minute.)

    Love the laughter and wisdom Agent Genius brings to the real estate industry each day!

  4. gwen banta

    September 30, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Sheila, I bet I’d never find one of these bloopers in one of your listings…but I’m not sure about my own. I type with ham fingers!

  5. Joe Loomer

    September 30, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    bwaaahahahahha – thank you Gwen!

    You, you, and you, da two of youse, outta here!

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  6. gwen banta

    September 30, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Thanks, Joe “Da Enforcer” Loomer. Here’s one for you from Tony Soprano. I use it when my rich friend complains about the cost of his Bentley, but I am sure it could be of use in real estate.:: “Oh, poor baby. What do you want, a Whitman’s Sampler?”

  7. Alex Cortez

    October 1, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    LOL, helichopper??? LOL… Funny.

  8. gwen banta

    October 1, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    Alex, that one sounded like something out of the “Texas Chain Saw Massacre,” didn’t it? Creepy!

  9. Paula Henry

    October 2, 2010 at 8:32 am

    Gwen – only in the crazy world of real estate and MLS listings would we find such comedy.

  10. Aaron Catt

    October 2, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    All of these aren’t to be confused with the more misguided remarks that you sometimes find, like: Located in a quite cul de sac. Come to find out after a preview, yes, it is a cul de sac, but the home backs up to a large thoroughfare.

    These are funny thanks for the list!

  11. gwen banta

    October 3, 2010 at 12:48 am

    I couldn’t agree more, Paula. I’ll be back in your beautiful state in late October, just in time to enjoy the famous Indiana leaf changing, which I am so looking forward to. Hurray for the Hoosier State!

  12. gwen banta

    October 4, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    Aaron, I went to an open recently that was advertised as “backs up to a park.” When I arrived, all I could see behind the house was a vast cement area. It turns out the agent was British, and he was referring to a “car park,” but he forgot to add the word “car”!

  13. Fred Franks

    November 8, 2015 at 9:11 am

    To funny, I got a kick out of reading this!!

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