Offers you cannot-a refuse-uh [MLS Gaffes]

Here we go again, friends – more howls this week because agents can’t spell, or they have “ham fingers” at the keyboard, or they cannot proofread, or they type while inebriated, or they are pulling my chain. Take your pick as you check out some of these offers you can’t refuse, including a few from the Jersey Mob boys: 

This Week’s Tribute to Jersey

“Villa with hellichopper pad” (Designed by celebrity chopper, Tony Soprano.)

“Submit offera now” (Said Ralphie Cifaretto, shortly before he ended up in a bowling bag.)

“This wona break you.” (Said Paulie “Walnuts” to Richie Aprile…while shoving his body through a meat grinder at Satriales’ Pork Store)

“Vacant clots” (Richie Aprile at his own funeral.)

“Four remolded rowhouses near Little Italy” (Four adjoining meat lockers at Satriale’s.)

“Next to this, others will pole” (Saturday night at the Bada Bing.)

“Contiguous plots with ocean view” (Cement-Shoes Cemetery…somewhere off the Jersey Coast)

Who Can Refuse?

“New jim” (I suspect he used to be “old Nancy.”)

“Big play aria” (I think that’s called an opera, pal.)

“This is a real jowel.” (Jaw-dropping, I’ll bet!)

“A diamond in disgust”  (Talk about stoned!)

“Ranch with livestuck” (House with Brand Moo built-ins…)

Below the Belt

“Seller financing terds offered” (No s__t?)

“Front entry with pornico” (Must be 21 to enter.)

“Three  lush lost near beach” (One lush found belly up near keyboard.)

“Ho ceil’gs in lvg rm” (Must be a short term “rental”…)

“Easy assess” (I’ll tell you who the a__ is!)

And Business As Usual…

“Submit business card for free grift” (Cue the music, please: “Money makes the world go ’round, the world go ’round, the world go ’round”)