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MLS bloopers – I’m baaaack!

Well friends, I took a week off, but the MLS waits for no one. If your listings aren’t moving, perhaps you should see if any of your descriptive remarks are in this Week’s Hall of  Lame.

Thanks again to Patrick Martin of Sotheby’s International Realty for being such a great watchdog this week. Please enjoy these examples of our local (or is it “loco”?) color:

Dubious Features and Weird Creatures

“Your buyers will lick the tenants.” (Shouldn’t they at least buy ’em dinner first? )

“New stove and microweave” (Proudly offered by Hair Club for Men)

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“Down soupe with lovely fowledge” (A bird in hand is worth two in a  borscht)

“Plastered walls with pithed ceilings” (I’d be pithed, too.)

“For more dretails, call me to get massage.” (Rub a dub dub, agent frequents the pub…)

TMI

“Drawing for 3 days at Crabo” (Interesting…my ex must have opened a resort.)

“Bust buy in the area” (Thank you for keeping me abreast.)

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“Outdoor pit for big friares” (Small friars will be roasted on the indoor rotisserie…)

“Library has exposed beans, books” (For naked vegetables who like to read…)

“Kitchen with drinks bar and custom pot.” (A toke and a Coke)

“Include Short Sale Addendumb” (And an idiot savant clause…)

Perks from Jerks

“Professionally designed screeming room”  (Also known as a waxing room…)

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“Toilet leaks – be sure clients don’t slirp” (Unless your buyers are on a leash…)

“Cozy worm bungalow – cheap price.” (Is this a Bait and Switch”?)

“Game room with recess sports…” (I thinks that’s called a “school playground,” pal.)

“Kids walk lots of skoals” (Yeah…but can they walk afterward?)

And You Can’t Beat This!

“Security with motion detector spit lights” (Slime Security’s Saliva Special  –  “Our job is to gob.”)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

21 Comments

21 Comments

  1. Jason Improta

    June 25, 2010 at 11:01 am

    I always get a kick out of these.

  2. Joe Loomer

    June 25, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Welcome back, funny Lady! We missed you!

    (and I once again have to get in the routine of deep-cleaning my monitor and replacing my keyboard EVERY Friday)

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  3. Heather Rebb

    June 25, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    I just shared this with my team at our Friday meeting, we will all be double checking our listings from now on.

  4. Gwen Banta

    June 25, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Thanks, Jason. Who knew the MLS could replace Seinfeld? 🙂

  5. Gwen Banta

    June 25, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    Thanks, Joe. Isn’t it nice to know the MLS never sleeps? It’s also nice to know that I can make you spew every Friday. Soon you’ll be able to feed a third world country with the leftovers stuck in your keyboard. It’s good to know where the world’s resources lie…

  6. Gwen Banta

    June 26, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    That’s great, Heather, but don’t eliminate ALL bloopers or I’ll have no material 🙂

  7. Gwen Banta

    June 28, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    HEY TO EVERYONE IN MEMPHIS!

  8. Joe Spake

    June 29, 2010 at 8:52 am

    Hey, Gwen. Got a Memphis connection?

  9. Patrick Flynn

    June 29, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Missed ya Gwen…welcome back and thanks for the continued laughs.

  10. Vicky Chrisner

    March 27, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    Yesterday I found a listing that claims the house has ceiling fangs. I was afraid to show it.

  11. Gwen Banta

    March 27, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    That’s great, @Vicky! I suppose we are meant to conclude that the house you saw will take a bite out of the budget… 🙂

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