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MLS bloopers – I’m baaaack!



Well friends, I took a week off, but the MLS waits for no one. If your listings aren’t moving, perhaps you should see if any of your descriptive remarks are in this Week’s Hall of  Lame.

Thanks again to Patrick Martin of Sotheby’s International Realty for being such a great watchdog this week. Please enjoy these examples of our local (or is it “loco”?) color:

Dubious Features and Weird Creatures

“Your buyers will lick the tenants.” (Shouldn’t they at least buy ’em dinner first? )

“New stove and microweave” (Proudly offered by Hair Club for Men)

“Down soupe with lovely fowledge” (A bird in hand is worth two in a  borscht)

“Plastered walls with pithed ceilings” (I’d be pithed, too.)

“For more dretails, call me to get massage.” (Rub a dub dub, agent frequents the pub…)


“Drawing for 3 days at Crabo” (Interesting…my ex must have opened a resort.)

“Bust buy in the area” (Thank you for keeping me abreast.)

“Outdoor pit for big friares” (Small friars will be roasted on the indoor rotisserie…)

“Library has exposed beans, books” (For naked vegetables who like to read…)

“Kitchen with drinks bar and custom pot.” (A toke and a Coke)

“Include Short Sale Addendumb” (And an idiot savant clause…)

Perks from Jerks

“Professionally designed screeming room”  (Also known as a waxing room…)

“Toilet leaks – be sure clients don’t slirp” (Unless your buyers are on a leash…)

“Cozy worm bungalow – cheap price.” (Is this a Bait and Switch”?)

“Game room with recess sports…” (I thinks that’s called a “school playground,” pal.)

“Kids walk lots of skoals” (Yeah…but can they walk afterward?)

And You Can’t Beat This!

“Security with motion detector spit lights” (Slime Security’s Saliva Special  –  “Our job is to gob.”)

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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  1. Jason Improta

    June 25, 2010 at 11:01 am

    I always get a kick out of these.

  2. Joe Loomer

    June 25, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Welcome back, funny Lady! We missed you!

    (and I once again have to get in the routine of deep-cleaning my monitor and replacing my keyboard EVERY Friday)

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  3. Heather Rebb

    June 25, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    I just shared this with my team at our Friday meeting, we will all be double checking our listings from now on.

  4. Gwen Banta

    June 25, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Thanks, Jason. Who knew the MLS could replace Seinfeld? 🙂

  5. Gwen Banta

    June 25, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    Thanks, Joe. Isn’t it nice to know the MLS never sleeps? It’s also nice to know that I can make you spew every Friday. Soon you’ll be able to feed a third world country with the leftovers stuck in your keyboard. It’s good to know where the world’s resources lie…

  6. Gwen Banta

    June 26, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    That’s great, Heather, but don’t eliminate ALL bloopers or I’ll have no material 🙂

  7. Gwen Banta

    June 28, 2010 at 3:27 pm


  8. Joe Spake

    June 29, 2010 at 8:52 am

    Hey, Gwen. Got a Memphis connection?

  9. Patrick Flynn

    June 29, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Missed ya Gwen…welcome back and thanks for the continued laughs.

  10. Vicky Chrisner

    March 27, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    Yesterday I found a listing that claims the house has ceiling fangs. I was afraid to show it.

  11. Gwen Banta

    March 27, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    That’s great, @Vicky! I suppose we are meant to conclude that the house you saw will take a bite out of the budget… 🙂

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Austin tops the list of best places to buy a home

When looking to buy a home, taking the long view is important before making such a huge investment – where are the best places to make that commitment?



Looking at the bigger picture

(REALUOSO.COM) – Let us first express that although we are completely biased about Texas (we’re headquartered here, I personally grew up here), the data is not – Texas is the best. That’s a scientific fact. There’s a running joke in Austin that if there is a list of “best places to [anything],” we’re on it, and the joke causes eye rolls instead of humility (we’re sore winners and sore losers in this town).

That said, dug into the data and determined that the top 12 places to buy a home are currently Texas and North Carolina (and Portland, I guess you’re okay too or whatever).

They examined the nerdiest of numbers from the compound annual growth rate in inflation-adjusted GDP to cost premium, affordability, taxes, job growth, and housing availability.

“Buying a house is a big decision and a big commitment,” the company notes. “Although U.S. home prices have risen in the long term, the last decade has shown that path is sometimes full of twists, turns, dizzying heights and steep, abrupt falls. Today, home prices are stabilizing and increasing in most areas of the U.S.”

Click here to continue reading the list of the 12 best places to buy a home…

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Housing News

Average age of houses on the rise, so is it now better or worse to buy new?

With aging housing in America, are first-time buyers better off buying new or existing homes? The average age of a home is rising, as is the price of new housing, so a shift could be upon us.



aging housing inventory

aging housing inventory

The average home age is higher than ever

(REALUOSO.COM) – In a survey from the Department of Housing and Urban Development American Housing Survey (AHS), the median age of homes in the United States was 35 years old. In Texas, homes are a bit younger with the median age between 19 – 29 years. The northeast has the oldest homes, with the median age between 50 – 61 years. In 1985, the median age of a home was only 23 years.

With more houses around 40 years old, the National Association of Realtors asserts that homeowners will have to undertake remodeling and renovation projects before selling unless the home is sold as-is, in which case the buyer will be responsible to update their new residence. Even homeowners who aren’t selling will need to consider remodeling for structural and aesthetic reasons.

Prices of new homes on the rise

Newer homes cost more than they used to. The price differential between new homes and older homes has increased from 10 percent traditionally to around 37 percent in 2014. This is due to rising construction costs, scarcity of lots, and a low inventory of new homes that doesn’t meet the demand.

Click here to continue reading this story…

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Housing News

Are Realtors the real loser in the fight between Zillow Group and Move, Inc.?

The last year has been one of dramatic and rapid change in the real estate tech sector, but Realtors are vulnerable, and we’re worried.



zillow move

zillow move

Why Realtors are vulnerable to these rapid changes

(REALUOSO.COM) – Corporate warfare demands headlines in every industry, but in the real estate tech sector, a storm has been brewing for years, which in the last year has come to a head. Zillow Group and Move, Inc. (which is owned by News Corp. and operates ListHub,, TopProducer, and other brands) have been competing for a decade now, and the race has appeared to be an aggressive yet polite boxing match. Last year, the gloves came off, and now, they’ve drawn swords and appear to want blood.

Note: We’ll let you decide which company plays which role in the image above.

So how then, does any of this make Realtors the victims of this sword fight? Let’s get everyone up to speed, and then we’ll discuss.

1. Zillow poaches top talent, Move/NAR sues

It all started last year when the gloves came off – Move’s Chief Strategy Officer (who was also’s President), Errol Samuelson jumped ship and joined Zillow on the same day he phoned in his resignation without notice. He left under questionable circumstances, which has led to a lengthy legal battle (wherein Move and NAR have sued Zillow and Samuelson over allegations of breach of contract, breach of fiduciary duty, and misappropriation of trade secrets), with the most recent motion being for contempt, which a judge granted to Move/NAR after the mysterious “Samuelson Memo” surfaced.

Salt was added to the wound when Move awarded Samuelson’s job to Move veteran, Curt Beardsley, who days after Samuelson left, also defected to Zillow. This too led to a lawsuit, with allegations including breach of contract, violation of corporations code, illegal dumping of stocks, and Move has sought restitution. These charges are extremely serious, but demanded slightly less attention than the ongoing lawsuit against Samuelson.

2. Two major media brands emerge

Last fall, the News Corp. acquisition of Move, Inc. was given the green light by the feds, and this month, Zillow finalized their acquisition of Trulia.

…Click here to continue reading this story…

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