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Op/Ed

Ways to spot a good liar and unravel their story

We might not be able to catch everyone who lies, but there are cues that will give it away a liar if you listen.

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Admit it, you’ve probably lied at one time or another in the last 24 hours. One researcher found that most of us are lied to about 10-200 times a day. There’s a lot of reasons why people aren’t honest. And if you think you can avoid lying by omitting something, you’re not being honest with yourself.

Those little white lies we tell people to protect them can end up coming back to haunt you. They might believe you haven’t been honest with them, but even if they never find out, you probably feel bad simply because you aren’t allowed to authentic and real. We might not be able to catch everyone who lies, but there are cues that will give it away if you listen.

Verbal indications that someone is lying

Of course, there are non-verbal cues that you can look for that might tell you if someone is lying. We give you a test here that only takes about 5 seconds. However, verbal signs during an interview can be just as challenging. Here’s what to listen for:

  1. Negativity and negative language
  2. Simple explanations
  3. Convoluted phrasing
  4. Telling a story in third person

Simple explanations and convoluted phrasing might see contrary to each other, but a liar tells the story in simple terms unless they’ve had lots of time to come up with a complex explanation.

While they’re telling that simple story, they might invent a lot of irrelevant details instead of coming straight to the point.

Remember when you were a teenager and you lied about having a flat tire? Same kind of thing, different circumstances.

Getting to the truth

Putting pressure on a liar will only raise their defenses. Want to know the trick to find out the truth? One expert recommends having the person start from the end of the story and work backwards. Truth tellers may still have problems with the story, because it’s not how we generally think about things. The difference comes in how the story is “rehearsed.”

Liars tend to rehearse their story in chronological order. Take that away from them and it will fall apart.

Don’t be accusatory, but try to be non-judgmental until you get the truth.

Dawn Brotherton is a Staff Writer at The American Genius, and has an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Central Oklahoma. Before earning her degree, she spent over 20 years homeschooling her two daughters, who are now out changing the world. She lives in Oklahoma and loves to golf. She hopes to publish a novel in the future.

Op/Ed

Sexism is never cured by reverse-sexism

(EDITORIAL) Sexism is still around in 2019; it seems some want to try reverse-sexism, but that just isn’t the way equality works. Just try respect.

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sexism reverse-sexism

Sexism is, and has virtually forever been, a glaring issue in all areas of the work environment—from recruiting and hiring all the way through invariable work interactions. While the proper “cure” for sexism may elude some employers, we know what absolutely DOESN’T work: reverse sexism.

Let’s get a bit of a disclaimer out of the way: The term “reverse sexism” is often used to insinuate the notion that men are victims of gender-based discrimination on the same level as women—as if the current social and political environments could ever support such a thing.

The idea of a male facing even a fraction of the societal limitations and microaggressions with which the average woman has to contend is cry-yourself-to-sleep laughable, so to apply any notion the same level of discrimination in reverse has no merit whatsoever.

However.

The entire point of rebelling against sexism is not—and should never be—that current sexist practices should be applied to men in addition to women; perhaps surprisingly, the opposite holds true: that women should be treated with the inherent respect and financial support that most men in the workplace enjoy.

See, practicing any kind of discrimination—however small in scale—against any group of people only helps to perpetuate discrimination in general. Refusing to hire men because you’re trying to avoid sexism toward women may seem like a good idea on paper, but it’s really just enforcing the notion that sexism is okay in certain contexts when that just isn’t the case.

Are you with me so far? Good, because it seems that virtually innumerable companies are missing the mark: Google’s solution for the wage gap is to underpay men, and Bumble implements a women-only hiring environment (though this has since been expanded to utilize more inclusive filters). Again, the idea behind this may have initially come from a good place, but the driving principles cause the execution to fall flat when held up against ACTUAL sexism-free practices.

Here’s a thought: Instead of treating your male employees with less respect in order to match your behavior to all genders across the board, or refusing to hire a gender outright, try treating all of your employees (regardless of gender) the same. It’s a little-known tactic known as common decency, and guess what? Doing so is not the least bit sexist.

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Op/Ed

How calendars can stop your procrastination, boost productivity

(PRODUCTIVITY) As the old method of pen-to-paper planning comes back in style, see how its use can help with time management.

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My favorite part of writing for this publication, by far, is the fact that it always has me keeping my eyes and ears open for inspiration. The simplest comment from a friend can snowball into an idea that becomes beneficial to others.

Such was the case this past weekend when my best friend, Haley, stopped by to help me unpack my new house. Haley is a graduate student, pursuing a master’s in interpersonal communication, and is a much smarter version of myself.

We got to talking about what was on tap for Haley’s final semester and she told me about a workshop she’s creating for the graduate school on the topic of how using planners/calendars helps with time management. The girl has an affinity for pen-to-paper planners, and has created an organizational structure for her daily life through their use.

Naturally, I thought, “hey, sometimes I attempt to give people advice on time management and planning, let’s bounce some ideas off of each other.” Haley then gave me a rundown of the bullet points she’s planning on covering for her interactive workshop.

1) Take everything as it comes. As a new task pops up, put it down on your calendar (whether paper or electronic) so that you don’t forget to do it later.

2) With these tasks, schedule deadlines for yourself. It can be tough to be self-motivate and have tasks completed by your own assignment. However, putting them down in writing will help you stick to them.

Only work on something if you’re being productive. If you stop being productive, you should take a step back and work on something else for a while,” says Haley. “This is why my personal deadlines help because it makes me work harder but I still have my own time.”

3) Schedule out your week starting with events that you cannot change. Start by writing down your work schedule, then appointments, meetings, etc. Then schedule in tasks that have more flexibility in time.

4) After doing this, take all of these tasks and prioritize what must be completed first and assess how much time each task will take. Be sure to give yourself an appropriate amount of time for each task.

5) For bigger projects, considering breaking them down a bit. “For bigger projects I break it down into steps, normally using a concept map to understand the core aspects of my task and what needs to be accomplished within each of those to make it more digestible,” says Haley. “Once I have the pieces, I place the pieces into my weekly schedule of events I cannot change.”

All of the pieces of this puzzle come together to create a calendar that will help you juggle every aspect of your life and boost your productivity. By implementing these ideas in my own planning, it has definitely helped me to become more of a self-starter.

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Op/Ed

How anyone can be more a more assertive real estate pro

(OPINION EDITORIAL) Being assertive is not the same as being bossy and while most people tell women to be more assertive, lack of assertiveness isn’t gender exclusive. Here are a few tips how to make your presence known.

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assertive broker meeting negotiation team

Merriam-Webster defines assertive as “disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior.” I believe assertive behavior is the balance between being passive or aggressive.

You aren’t demanding, but you’re not dismissing your needs either.

Women are often told that they need to be more assertive, rather than passive, and men need to be less aggressive. I’m more of the opinion that assertiveness isn’t gender-specific. I believe every person needs some assertiveness training.

While I may not be an expert in assertiveness, as a freelancer, I have learned to be more assertive. Here are a few of my observations:

  • To be assertive, I had to stop feeling as if my work was unimportant. Call it confidence or self-esteem, but it was a definite turning point for me. I stopped using the word, “just.” I didn’t apologize for bothering people. I simply began stating what I needed to get the job done.
  • I defined what assertive meant to me. For me, it was the ability to stand up for my opinions and needs. This didn’t happen overnight, but it took practice. One of the key things I did was to try and be more assertive in other places, like when I volunteered. That gave me the confidence to stand up for myself in my work.
  • I use “I” statements. “I need to take next Monday off.” “I need more information about this project.” “I cannot do that this week.”
  • I’ve found that part of being assertive is taking the other person at their word and not holding a grudge. Don’t read more into their emotions than what is being discussed. Just because my co-worker hated the last idea I had shouldn’t stop me from exploring new ideas with the team.
  • It is very difficult to change old behaviors. I have mentors and coaches that I talk to about my successes and failures. This has helped me figure out what I’d do differently if I had the chance. Trust me, it isn’t easy to be introspective about the time you blew it, but it’s been very beneficial in all the areas of my life.
  • I’ve apologized when it was appropriate, but I don’t beat myself up, either. The other day, I missed one part of an assignment. In the past, I would have not taken any more assignments as punishment. Instead, I apologized that I missed it and fixed the assignment. Then, I took another block of work and moved on. It was freeing.

Being assertive isn’t easy. But it is very rewarding.

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