How well have you kept up with our rapidly changing business, friends? There are certain phrases we have all heard in real estate. The trouble is, many no longer apply. Or if they do, they have a new meaning. This is Gwen’s Happy Hour take on “Don’t Say It Just Because You Thunk It”:
Don’t Say It Just Because You Thunk It
“You can always turn it for a profit!” (Thank you, Heidi Fleiss.)
“Maybe the lender will pay the buyers closing costs.” (And maybe I’ll find George Clooney in my Christmas pantyhose. Uh, I mean stocking.)
“Don’t worry – the bank doesn’t want your house.” (Are you high??? Can you say “TARP bailout incentives?”)
“Anybody can make money in real estate.” (…Said the CEO of Bear Stearns while strapping on his Golden Parachute.)
“We’ll have complete loan approval in 17 days.” (…Provided your mortgage broker can make bail.)
Don’t Press Your Luck, Pal
“The house isn’t bolted, but it’s still standing.” (So is David Hasselhoff, but I wouldn’t give him my car keys…)
“You can’t build too many.” (Yes, Mr. Ford. …Uh, you say that’s called an “Edsel”?)
“I’d like some of your commission as an incentive.” (And I’d like one of your kidneys so I can drink more.)
“Are they offering any buyer incentives?” (Let’s see – low rates, low prices…or are we talking about my kidneys again?)
“Speak with the guy next door. I doubt if he’ll mind a dog run on the easement.” (Of course not – he’ll have a better shot from there.)
“Does the buyer expect me to give the damn thing away?” (I believe that’s what “Father of the Bride” means, Mr. Clinton.)
“Maybe the neighbor will let you remove the old fence. ” (He may let you remove his old lady, too, but I wouldn’t recommend it.)
“I do not want a house unless it offers lots of privacy.” (I love your sense of humor, Mrs. Obama!)
Need I say the word “OBVIOUS”?
“Are there any fixers in Malibu?” (Sure – Charlie Sheen, Mel, the toothless singer-lady, the guy with the aluminum foil hat….)
“It’s a GREAT neighborhood.” (Yes, those three cop cars belong to the neighbors and that chalk outline is just a Holy Manifestation of Father Guido Sarducci.)
“This area is the next area to be gentrified” (Can anyone say “freeway off ramp”?)
“Can we get the seller to carry?” (Sure – just dial O-C-T-O-M-O-M.)
Jet-sam and Flotsam
“How can I get out of this deal if I’m unhappy?” (Grab two beers and take the Jet Blue chute.)
