Zillow Homes was announced today, a Zillow licensed brokerage that will be fully operational in 2021 in Phoenix, Tucson, and Atlanta.

Whoa, big huge yawn-inducing shocker, y’all.

We’ve been warning for more than a decade that this was the end game, and the company blackballed us for our screams (and other criticisms, despite praise when merited here and there).

Blog posts were penned in fiery effigy calling naysayers like us stupid and paranoid.

Well color me unsurprised that the clarity of the gameplan was clear as day all along over here, and the paid talking heads sent out to astroturf, gaslight, and threaten us are now all quiet.

They figuratively swore on their collective dead grandmothers’ graves that they’d never ever EVER ever ever practice real estate, but they’ve openly inched closer and closer to that status, with today marking the official date that no human can make that pinkie promise ever again.

Years ago, they began acquiring startups that pointed to this end game. Then they promised they were seeking brokers licenses across the nation so their operations and referral partnerships were more legit and they could do more than just soak up your ad budgets like an unworthy, moldy sponge, they could panhandle for your referral fees and inhale MLS feeds created by Realtors.

Fast forward to today, and they’re literally a traditional real estate brokerage.

Your ad dollars funded this.

Yawn. BUT…

How can anyone defend sending their listing data to Zillow? I mean they did swear on their dead grammy that they’d remain an entertainment media/search site in perpetuity.

How can any broker defend pouring ad money into a competitor? If you’re a KW broker, do you spend $10K to advertise on Coldwell Bankers’ main site or C21’s portal? OF COURSE NOT BECAUSE YOU HAVE A BRAIN. One that can read, write, and reason.

So why then would Zillow remain part of your marketing strategy now that they’ve pulled the final band aid off of the mound of band aids masking their subterfuge of your business?

Let’s say I haven’t convinced you because you like their logo, you think their leadership is geeky chic and you want to be like them. Okay, let’s watch the launch video together:

Such script. Much wow.

If you had “reimagine,” “innovation,” “streamline,” and “raising the bar” on your Real Estate Bullshit Buzzwords Bingo card, you win the chance to do one whole eyeroll, and I mean a really dramatic one. Go ahead, I’ll wait…

I want to be upset by this, but we’ve watched this ultimate trainwreck in super slow motion, so their explanation of the “hand off” being “confusing” as their inspiration is just laugh worthy. And sadly, expected.

What if your worry is that these big boys will use your data to find the “best” agents? Don’t worry, they swear again on their grammys’ graves that they won’t use their massive data to pinpoint talent and recruit agents from other brokerages, they’ll only use current employees and get ’em licensed up to stand “shoulder to shoulder” with you in your business. They can’t even come up with their own model, they’ve lifted yours and Redfin’s model. Oooh, innovative.

There’s no surprise in today’s news, but the excuses and delivery are overwhelmingly nauseating.

But hey, at least they no longer have to pretend that they took your money and data all of these years to benefit their eventual brokerage launch.

Next up, we’ll explain what this has to do with Zillow’s patent spree and how it will inevitably and irreversibly damage the real estate industry (these people really are evil geniuses, you’ve gotta give it to ’em).

JPMorgan’s New York branch is suffering reopening setbacks after a newly-returned employee already tested positive for COVID-19. After nearly six months of working at home, the company is eager to get workers back into the physical office and set a hard September 21st deadline for equity traders and senior management. In a report by Bloomberg, at least one unidentified worker has tested positive for the virus on the fifth floor of the 383 Madison Ave. building last week.

This case merely reflects the massive challenges facing companies across the world as workers are asked to return to office spaces. Some offices buildings are getting the coronavirus renovation treatment à la touch-less doors and faucets, improved air ventilation systems, and wet wipes and hand sanitizer galore. But the risk of exposure is never zero.

JPMorgan is one of the few banks putting pressure on reopening. Over this summer Chief Executive Officer Jamie Dimon has voiced concerns about the ramifications of extending remote work. He recently told Keefe, Bruyette & Woods analysts that productivity has slipped as employees work from home, with output primarily affected on Mondays and Fridays. He’s advocated for the government cautiously reopening cities in order to improve the economy.

Rightly, employees are concerned about their safety over the company incentive to bring back their pre-pandemic profits in-office. JPMorgan’s aggressive strategy is quite different from American Express. They hold about as much presence in NYC, and are allowing all its employees to work remotely until July 2021.

JPMorgan spokesman Brain Marchiony declined to to say how many workers tested positive this week though he said the company is “is following appropriate protocols when they occur.” Marchiony did not comment on whether the push to reopen would continue, or what percentage of employees were working in branch offices.

Welp. They did it.

We’ve been watching Zillow for some time now, and in the midst of even the strongest of OP Eds saying how terrible an idea it is, Uncle Sam officially handed them multiple patent keys to tech they didn’t invent.

How big do you have to be before you can clout jack with this much impunity?

I’m used to seeing this with small artists. Forever21’s Etsy spies find a cute, simple design, maybe do the work to alter the pallate a smidgen and rely on the ‘Matilda’s Dad’ strategy of “I’m smart, you’re dumb, I’m big, you’re little, I’m right, you’re wrong, and our lawyers will argue the same, peasant’.

But with technology, you can literally trace the code back to a source. It’s not like using teeth as a motif, it’s real, it’s definite, and it’s definitely really shocking that the government signed off on this.

Zillow’s not exactly startup sized, they’ve been in business since 2004. They’re a big name. Their competition probably can’t muscle their way in and out like they can. Matter fact, a company you may have heard of fighting them on patents has only been doing their doings since…wait, since 1911. Must be a tiny outfit, that was in some other business for over a century right?

It’s IBM.

What le freaque?

We all need to be concerned about this level of government sanctioned patent jacking, no matter what field we’re in.

I’ve heard before that if you’re just starting out, and low on funds, paying for your inventory and manpower are more important than filing anything with the government. Now we’ve got fresh, bloody proof that that’s 100% not true.

Your or your company’s intellectual property can be deeded off with a factor no more elaborate than whether the patent office likes your face that day, regardless of what kind of trail you’ve left, and as far as being run into the ground or laid off goes, that’s hardly a non-factor.

This decision represents a higher financial barrier to entry for everyone from Amazon entrepreneurs to realtors daring to use tech as basic as texting in their business.

Yes, literally.

Zillow’s patents, condensed for readability, are on:

Taking panoramic images for 3D walkthroughs

Multi-criteria search engines

And superimposing images scaled for size onto an area of land

Do all of those sound familiar? They should. We’ve been using that tech for years. And Zillow’s no Microsoft.

As always, we’ll have to see how this plays out. But if your New Year’s resolution was to take more bold steps in your business, maybe see if you can patent the idea of putting your picture in your email signature?

Apparently it couldn’t hurt.