Welcome to the New World. Recently a colleague and I were discussing all the changes we have witnessed since entering the wacky world of real estate. Of course we laughed about inebriated clowns at open houses, giveaway psychic readings, tofu fantasies, pony rides on dyspeptic ponies, stripper poles in living rooms and talking toilets. We also discussed how the language of real estate has changed. Just as “phat” is not fat, and “bad” can be good, the verbiage of our business has presented new challenges. Thus, here for your perusal you will find a few phrases that have new meaning:
Did You Get Your License At Clown College?
“The seller is motivated” (So was the guy who built the Taj Mahal)
“The buyer is solid” (Yeah, that was also the take on Mel Gibson…)
“20% down should suffice” (Unless it’s 2010. Oh, but wait…)
“This will go fast” (Cue the music for Jeopardy, please. Now repeat. And again. Zzzzz…)
“We can close in thirty days” (Yes, but which thirty days?)
“We can get a loan approval fast” (Yes, but your mom’s word doesn’t count)
“This is an ‘as is’ sale (Unless it’s a buyers’ market in 2010 when buyers are asking for your cajones. Oh, but wait…)
Welcome to 2010
“This is a quiet neighborhood” (Except for the gunshots…)
“You can always re-fi later” (HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa)
“I see black stuff on the bathroom ceiling” (I see blood all over the contract)
“Real estate is a solid investment” (So was the Sony Walkman.)
“Home of former celebrity” (Location of former intervention)
“We expect multiples” (That’s what Sybil said.)
Reality Has Left The Building
“Friendly Dog in back” (Hungry pit bull on premises)
“Cooperative Seller” (Hungry pit bull on premises.)
“Experienced agent” (Hungry pit bull on premises.)
“I’ll speak with the short sale negotiator” (Oh, are you planning to conduct a séance?)
“Security will be present.” (They must be expecting the New Jersey Housewives.)
“Your home is your best protection” (Well, maybe if the house warming gift is nitroglycerin.)
“Designer Done Writers Retreat in Convenient Location” (Tool shed with new paint near the freeway.)
“The bank will look out for you” (HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa)
And For the Encore
“We anticipate a quick response” (Thank you, British Petroleum,)
