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Op/Ed

Why “The Complete Guide to Not Giving a F**k” is Bulls**t

(EDITORIAL) Having thick skin is great, but a famous blog, “The Complete Guide to Not Giving a F***” misses the point that for most, it’s a carefully choreographed marketing tactic, and a luxury.

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Warning: cuss words ahead…

One of my favorite pieces ever penned on the web is called The Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck by Julien Smith, first published on his personal blog and recently republished on Medium. The piece is well written and argues a point that is so rarely argued effectively – constant worrying about what others think is a prison and you should regain your self-respect by putting less emphasis on every single person in the world’s opinion.

The theory is well founded and is totally true, but the Guide has been shared for years on the web as an excuse to be an asshole, so I’m calling bullshit on the entire Guide. Not on Smith’s words (they’re right and I have emailed them to over 50 people over the years), but on how non-readers are taking it. People skim the story, share it, tag me because I like cuss words and have thick skin, and move on, thinking that Smith meant to tell everyone that they should never care what others think.

First of all, if you’re here, you’re most likely a business professional, right? If so, you typically can’t just puff your chest in this world and act like a dick. Sure, there are people that have made lucrative careers out of being hated, but they work very hard to appeal to other haters and attract like minds, which isn’t exactly not giving a fuck about what others think – that’s the dirty secret of today’s villains, particularly online.

Smith’s point was that developing a thick skin is freeing. And he’s right. But, it’s a process that takes time, and must be carefully choreographed. Constantly lobbing grenades because you’re now a badass who doesn’t care what others think is self-destructive and misses the point.

There is a substantial difference between “not giving a fuck” and letting irrelevant commentary and judgment roll off of your back. Guess what? Not all commentary is irrelevant. Your boss tells you that you suck at something? Better not give her the middle finger or you’re unemployed. A client calls and you’re hostile with them because you don’t have to take their shit? Bye bye, customer.

A now unemployed former Sprint kiosk sales guy comments on your blog that you’re wrong and stupid? Sure, let that roll off of your back. But not the rest. Don’t “not give a fuck” for the sake of not giving a fuck. Don’t be a moron.

Here’s the part where I disagree…

So far, I’ve agreed with Smith, but over the years, and particularly since his editorial was republished, I’ve put a lot of personal thought into why the piece rubs me the wrong way, and I’ve finally figured it out.

I have thick skin. For the most part, people like me. I don’t know why, but people like me – I’m told often that I’m likeable. That’s cool.

I am also well respected in my industry and by my peers. Also cool.

Therefore, my not giving a fuck is a luxury. I’ve already built a personal brand and helped build extremely large communities online and off, so I get to have thick skin because I somehow magically earned it. If some kid signs up for a Twitter account and starts throwing grenades, they’re blown off as a punk turd. If I take to my own airwaves to attack an idea, people listen because I’ve earned an audience. Do you see the difference?

“I get asked a lot how I developed such a thick skin, and the truth is that it took many years and a natural maturation process to realize that not everyone will adore me, and that I can be wrong. A lot.”

I was able to develop a thick skin because I had collected a huge army of supporters over time should I need it, and so I am not often attacked (but when I am, guess what happens??). Let’s be honest, I also have the advantage of being a younger woman, so I get to be a little more brash than my counterparts, and people like that – but that isn’t me not giving a fuck, that’s me being silly for the most part.

I disagree with Smith on his guide, because some people don’t have the luxury of not giving a fuck. It is freeing and something everyone should try, but it does not apply to all situations at all times, and the bizarre truth is that it has to be earned in most situations.

This editorial originally appeared on The American Genius.

Lani is the Chief Operating Officer at The Real Daily and sister news outlet, The American Genius, and has been named in the Inman 100 Most Influential Real Estate Leaders several times, co-authored a book, co-founded BASHH and Austin Digital Jobs, and is a seasoned business writer and editorialist with a penchant for the irreverent.

Op/Ed

10 Productivity tips to get the most out of yourself and your team

(EDITORIAL) Keeping up productivity can be a hard goal to shoot for, so sometimes It helps to see what others are doing. Here’s our list of 10 ways to stay productive

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Funny thing about inverse relationships, they are so counterintuitive. Like working hard. That is an example of doing what you think will be beneficial, but usually just makes the job what you expected, hard. When it comes to productivity, harder isn’t smarter, as the saying goes.

And, if you are sick of the word “hack” we hear you. But, finding ease in work will allow you to be more productive and with better results.

We offer you this list of stories to meet your productivity needs. Here’s to finding work-life balance, seeking ease in the moment and rocking out a productive day!

1. If you’re trying to be more productive, don’t focus so much on time management. Instead, consider energy management to get more out of less effort.

2. Meetings suck, wait I mean they are a time suck. Yeah, that’s it. Everyone knows some meetings are unnecessary and could easily be handled through an email. Yet, many supervisors are hesitant. But, there’s an app for that now. Here’s to meeting less and actually getting work done.

3. Kondo your desk, for God’s sake. If you say you are more productive with a messy desk, yet you have a sandwich from last week and those TPS reports you were supposed to turn in weeks ago somewhere under a pile of crap, you need to clean up your act. Nobody wants to get a report covered in coffee, chocolate and mustard.

4. Are you agile? I mean, really. Is your team as productive as it could be? Whether you are a PM or a real estate agent, if you need a tool that helps your team stay agile and nimble, this will help you and your crew kick ass and take names.

5. Cut the team some slack. Too many messages and you forget what you were originally doing. Slack thought about that and has a way to make the app work for your team so you can be more effective and keep the workflow moving.

6. Working remotely has some serious benefits, notwithstanding working in your PJ’s. Convincing your boss you will actually work and not binge on Netflix may be the challenge. And, for many folks, working from home is a much more productive option. Yet, anyone who has worked remotely also knows it can be easy to get caught up in work and miss human interactions, leading to burnout. Here’s how to make the remote transition work for you.

7. Sometimes more is less. That is the truth when it comes to work where quality beats quantity all day long. Our 9-5 workdays may be good for some, but not for all. And, putting in 80-hour weeks may seem righteous dude, but what do you really accomplish? Kick productivity in the butt and consider are you using your hours wisely.

8. Want to be a baller in the workplace? Then get focused. According to the experts, those at the top of their game aren’t necessarily working harder or smarter, they are just hyper-focused. Here are some good habits to have if you want to get ahead.

9. If it seems everyone has a podcast, you are correct! Some of those podcasts are useful, especially if you are trying to get ahead and find ways to use your productivity to the fullest. Here’s a list of podcasts that will fill your free time with useful information.

10. Creative folks love to start new projects. They can be like kids in the candy store any time they have a new idea they must explore. The problem is that whether you are an artist, writer, graphic/web/software designer or developer, you may start a lot of projects and finish few. Here’s how to finish what you start!

By now, you know what information to keep and you are ready to get your rear in gear. We wish you all the success with your future projects. We know you will be diligent and hyper-productive!

This article was first published in February 2020.

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Op/Ed

Processing emotions during COVID-19: It may be grief you’re feeling

(EDITORIAL) During a global pandemic, there is a rollercoaster of emotions and these two things may help people process some of their feelings which may be grief.

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Is part of what we have all been feeling these past couple of months grief? Some say yes, so let’s take a look at what we have been doing and feeling.

I don’t know about you but the first few weeks of March I went in to productive overdrive but not the self-care kind like making new recipes, starting new work outs or painting for creativity and fun. I was trying to complete my work priorities, side business client work and co-host free webinars (via Zoom of course and one even on Webinar Ninja) for my small business community and followers.

I also suddenly had to figure out to be productive while my husband was home and our toddler was with us with not much notice of her daycare being closed. The first two weeks felt hellacious – high anxiety, never feeling like I was doing enough or was present enough.

I woke up and got right to work in my t-shirt and yoga pants, some days forgetting if I had brushed my teeth or washed my face. Taking a shower felt like a luxury but also sometimes a nuisance to try to fit one in. That was strange. I saw my daughter as needing attention as something I had to sort out -also with a guilty feeling that I knew she should be priority but “if I could just get this last project wrapped up or email sent out” or “after I jump on this Zoom call”, I can then take a break and be with her.

Albeit the break was filled with anxious thoughts of how I had to get back to work. My husband was dealing with his own shift in work having many clients pause and see when/how he could work from home. He was grappling with all the general unknown as well as both of us wondering what did this mean for our finances.

This has been an absolute conflict of emotions:

  • Gratitude that we were able to be home – safe and healthy at least for now
  • Scared and grappling with feelings of uncertainty and anxiety
  • Blessed for having some income we could rely on
  • Sadness for having lost some income but not quite sure how much or for how long
  • Worry for others that have lost everything – their livelihoods, their day to days, their LIVES?!
  • Worry for our older parents that live far away and are immunocompromised (not sure we had ever used this word to refer to them) but also happiness that they seem to be doing okay
  • Excitement to have “extra time” with our daughter and dogs
  • Delight to not have to drive in our regular 1-hour each way commute leaving the house around 7:30am and getting home after 6:30pm

I was looking all over for silver linings but not understanding how people are so good at finding new ways to manage their time: organizing their pantries, working out at home, trying new and healthy recipes, painting new masterpieces, etc. It felt a little bit overwhelming that I wasn’t taking advantage of this quick shift in schedule. I also felt fatigued by all the articles telling us to be ok and don’t be an idiot about going out (like we were supposed to just know how to never leave home). I really just wanted permission to not be ok for a bit.

I read this HBS article about the feelings above of discomfort were actually considered grief. The article suggests that if we can just understand the stages of grief, and especially accept that they are not linear, then maybe we can figure out our own path forward. I saw it circulated among many of my friends and truthfully, found it to be the permission I needed to be ok with not being ok.

Keep trying. There is something powerful about naming this as grief. It helps us feel what’s inside of us. So many have told me in the past week, “I’m telling my coworkers I’m having a hard time,” or “I cried last night.” When you name it, you feel it and it moves through you. Emotions need motion. It’s important we acknowledge what we go through. One unfortunate byproduct of the self-help movement is we’re the first generation to have feelings about our feelings.”

This YouTube video was also shared with me about How do you help a grieving friend? and I think you will all also enjoy it and a quote in the beginning, “The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed, exactly as it is.” – Parker Palmer

So, the message I was looking for (to be ok with not being ok) has been found and now it’s up to me with how to move forward. I know that drinking cider and eating cake aren’t quite cutting it so I journaled this morning with ideas for me that would excite me about getting more exercise in my day (dancing, strength training, walking).

I admittedly haven’t started this new work out routine but by allowing myself some grace to grieve, I plan to get the momentum going. I hope you are also ok with wherever you are and slowly or surely adjusting what you need to keep your sanity.

How do you help a grieving friend?

(sharing this video? using it in a training! Great! Tag or email us and let us know, and be sure to give proper attribution.) It’s so hard to know what to do…

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Op/Ed

A guide on how to nail your next video presentation

(EDITORIAL) While the tools themselves tend to be user-friendly, preparing an online video presentation requires some extra steps you need to be aware of.

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Pretty much everyone who can work from home is working from home now, to stop the spread of COVID-19. It’s a good thing, but may take some getting used to. The learning curve can be steep. Working from home means using new tools and expanding their tech experience to include video calls or a video presentation.

Fear of public speaking is already a common anxiety. Throw in being forced to use new technology to create a video presentation, and the challenge grows. Never fear, though, because just like with any other type of presentation, following best practices and consulting helpful tips will make your presentation go more smoothly.

First, as with any presentation, the twin pillars of success are preparation and practice. Over-prepare everything, from your research to your outline, notes, slides, speech, and–very crucial–your technology and your team. Here are several more video presentation tips we’ve rounded up to ease your pain.

Tech prep tips:

  • Familiarize yourself with your video conferencing tool before the presentation. Most companies will have a mandatory tool they use. Popular options are Zoom, Skype, or Google Hangouts, but there are other options, too, WebEx, Join.me, GoToMeeting, or Zoho Meetings.
  • Make sure your audience or team is familiar with the technology tools, too, by sending out download/log on steps in advance of the meeting. Send the instructions out twice if possible.
  • Keep the visual aspects clean and straightforward. No Death By Power Point, please. You can keep your speech and/or notes on your desk during the actual presentation, so avoid overloading your slides (if using slides at all). Participants will want some documented key points, but save the supporting details for the spoken aspect of the presentation.
  • In an ideal world, you’ll have some help, a team member to serve as a moderator, recording the presentation and taking charge of the participants’ options. The “Mute All” button, for example, is a presenter’s best friend.

Setting the scene:

  • Find a quiet room, one that will stay quiet throughout the presentation. Ideally, you’ll have a door that locks (with TVs, kids, partners, and pets on the other side).
  • Check the lighting before the actual presentation begins. Harsh overhead lights cast a ghoulish light, while sunlight or otherwise bright backlights make you difficult to see. Do a practice run with a friend or colleague to make sure your lighting works.
  • Choose a clean, simple backdrop and verify that nothing questionable shows up. While a bookshelf may serve as a nice backdrop, try not to have the Kama Sutra or Lady Chatterly’s Lover prominently displayed. The same rule goes for background art–if you wouldn’t put it up in your actual office, then it doesn’t belong in a work video.
  • Better yet, if you’re using Zoom, you can choose a custom backdrop to avoid any overlooked, embarrassing personal objects in the frame.

Presentation day checklist:

  • Practice! Whether you do this the day before or the day of, you need to practice your presentation. Some prefer the mirror, others a real, live, accommodating person, still others a sofa full of stuffed animals. Whatever works for you, make sure you practice. It matters.
  • Wear something you feel powerful in. If you feel you look professional, you will be that much more confident when presenting.
  • Lock that door if at all possible. If you can’t, make sure other household residents know you’re giving a presentation.
  • Close out all unnecessary browser windows. Emails popping up in the corner of your screen are super distracting, and you have zero control over their content. I once was in a training where the presenter hadn’t closed his email, and a coworker emailed him complaining about the clients–to whom he was presenting. The email popped up on the screen for a second or two before he could close it. Disaster!
  • I said it before, but am repeating this, because it’s important. Double check that the participants are muted. The background noise of several people logging in is excruciating and wastes time.
  • Begin the meeting with a quick overview of the agenda. Participants need to know when and how they can ask questions.
  • Start the meeting on time. After the agenda, dive into the goals of the presentation and then the body of the presentation itself. We have to assume the participants are grown up and professional enough to call in on time. If they miss a point or two, they will have to figure it out. Plus, starting punctually lets your audience know you are aware and respectful of their time.
  • Similarly, finish on time. If you cannot answer all the questions during the presentation, assure them you’ll answer them afterward.
  • Let participants know you’ll follow up and how. Tell them how to reach you with questions or additional information.
  • Follow up as promised!

Shifting gears from an office environment to a home office takes some adjusting. It can be tricky, as shown by Poor Jennifer and others. Adding video conference tools into the mix is not everyone’s cup of tea. However, with some preparation, practice, and consideration of the above tips, we can all ace our video presentations. Break a leg!

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