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Mouth Shut



Keep Your Mouth Shut

One of the first lessons I was told by the person showing me the ropes in real estate was, “Keep your Mouth Shut”. It’s a valuable lesson and I try to use it in all avenues of my life – I think it’s one of those that you are constantly trying to acheive but very few can attain the level of “I got it!”

Some people need a sensor button. A filter if you will. It’s important to be sensitive, you never know who you are talking to and what their story is. I’ve heard of this happening more than once… a conversation with someone who didn’t have any idea what was going on behind the scenes. The mouth opens and pours out words that can’t be taken back once uttered.

It’s Not Funny

There are some issues you might feel very strongly about being right or wrong in your book of ideals, but do you want to use them in a way to hurt someone? This applies to everyone – not only agent to client. Recently an agent insulted another, although they thought it was a hilarious joke.

Exaggerated examples…

“Well, SallySue’s daughter had that baby- and she is 16!”
“I just can’t get over a Purple person marrying that Kryptonite!”
“I can’t believe she can be so retarded.”
“That guy I just got off the phone with sounded like he already had a six-pack too many.”
“JimmyBillBob can play the piano – you’d think he was autistic.”
“What do you mean you can’t read it? Are you dyslexic?”

It might even be that you are trying to express a point to a client using a story, “I sold a house once they swore was haunted. I was waiting for the UFO to fly overhead.” or “I’ve had a deal with that agent before, her contracts are a mess – I think she’s dyslexic.”

Just Hush

When it’s presented as over-the-top examples as above, I’m sure you think it’s way too ridiculous to be in real life, but guess what? It happens. What could be saying in a laughing joke – could be received very personally while they have a spouse suffering from alcoholism. Or a child with a disability. Get the drift ? shhhhh.

If you can’t say something nice…. don’t say it at all.

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  1. Sarah Cooper

    March 12, 2009 at 2:47 am

    Ahhh, this is such an easy thing to do that it’s not even funny.

  2. Lisa Sanderson

    March 12, 2009 at 5:38 am

    Good advice, Kim, and thanks for the reminder. Don’t confuse insensitivity with edginess.

  3. Missy Caulk

    March 12, 2009 at 7:12 am

    I hate mauve carpet.

    Opps the buyers loved it. This said back my first year in the business. 1995

    I learned,”keep your mouth shut”.

  4. KimWood

    March 12, 2009 at 11:49 am

    Sarah… I would agree with you… it’s easy for most of us – and we probably don’t even have to ‘think ‘about it… however, after hearing about my friend’s experience, it showed me that it isn’t always the case.

    Lisa… Insensitivity vs. Edginess – true, but not excuse for blatant insensitivity when insulting another. I’m sure that isn’t what you meant though.

    Missy…. ahh yes… I’ve been guilty of that… Check out that black foil wallpaper!

  5. Jill Wente

    March 12, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    I too learned the keep your mouth shut rule the hard way. I was in my first year in real estate and eager to show my knowledge of real estate. , I was showing a home to first time home buyers.

    I was showing a home to first time home buyers and quickly pointed out that the water storage tank the home backed up to would affect the home’s future resale value.

    The husband turned to me and said “I bet the home gets real good water pressure”. Lesson learned.

    I still point out the items that affect future resale value but I wait until my clients show an interest in the home.

  6. Dan Connolly

    March 13, 2009 at 8:28 am

    I sat at a closing once and the buyers were telling everyone what a great agent I was, not like their first agent (they named him) who was a totally incompetent mess, unprofessional….well, she went on and on.

    The agent was the closing attorney’s husband. The attorney was professional enough not to blink at the closing. She did, however write a letter to the buyer telling her that she would be charged with slander, and to expect to be summoned to court. She didn’t follow through, but the buyer had a few sleepless nights.

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The problem with a self-policing industry: you have to be a narc

Ethics violations in the real estate industry can make or break a Realtor’s career, depending on the severity, so it would stand to reason that all would be mindful of the rules, but there are always individuals in the field that act as if the Code of Ethics is irrelevant.



An animated discussion on ethics training

“Does anyone else find it ironic that NAR – the trade association for Realtors – has to mandate that members take an ethics class every four years?” An agent who attended one of my company’s broker opens yesterday posed that question to the wine and cheese grazing attendees. Of course, that opened up an animated discussion on the value of etchics training and the lack of enforcement when the rules are violated.

One agent volunteered that the guy sitting next to her in her last ethics class played games on his cell phone and then cheated during the test at the end of the class. Seriously, dude? You cannot even pay attention long enough to pass what should be the easiest test you’ll ever have to take in your career? Perhaps he was just seeing how far he could push it by cheating during an ethics test, to see if anyone else around him caught the extreme irony there. None of the other agents around him – including the agent he cheated off – turned him in and the instructor didn’t notice.

This same agent later called one of my sellers and tried to convince him to break a listing contract with me, because he had a “guaranteed buyer” in the wings. The seller was an attorney, and this bozo tried to get me cut out of the deal, offering the seller a reduced fee to dump me. The seller held firm and directed the agent to call me, then the seller called to let me know about the conversation.

“But you know if you file something the other agent will know.”

It gets better. After the deal closed, I requested paperwork from our local Board of Realtors to file an ethics complaint. The person in charge said, “But you know if you file something the other agent will know.” Gee. Really? I asked her to send the paperwork over anyway.

I called the seller/attorney and asked him to repeat the conversation to me, because I was documenting it to file a complaint. He turned wishy washy on me at that point and his story changed from “The other agent tried to get me to dump you as the listing agent to cut you out” to “Well he really only asked a few questions and I told him to call you. He probably didn’t mean any harm by it.” So there goes my star witness, who doesn’t want to rock the boat.

I didn’t file the complaint. I resorted to the “turn the blind eye but never trust the sleazeball again” path. And that is what happens to almost all ethics issues I hear about / see in person.

That’s what happens when you have a self-policing group of “professionals” who would rather not “narc” on a fellow agent. After all you’re probably going to end up on the other side of a deal from this guy some day, right? The guy in my example has sold two of my houses since that run-in. Why tick him off by filing a complaint and going through all that hassle? If he stops bringing buyers to my properties then my sellers ultimately lose, right?

Boiling down the CoE

The NAR Code of Ethics takes up pages and pages of tiny print, and it runs each year in their trade magazine (I think it’s the January issue). Does anybody read that? Probably not many. I’d argue none of us ever should have to read it again. Simply follow this advice instead. The thousands of words in the Code boil down to one thing: Do unto other agents, and consumers, and clients, what you would have them do unto you. It’s the Golden Rule. Simple. Well, obviously not, for many agents and brokers.

The sad part is the agent in my example had no clue how close I was to filing that compaint, and if he did know he’d probably scratch his head and wonder why his actions were “wrong.” Making us take a one-day class every few years won’t “make” the unethical agents suddenly operate ethically. Most of them just don’t get it.

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Ethics hearings in private a disservice to consumers?



Fight Club and real estate

For those of you that saw the movie ‘Fight Club’ you’ll remember that Rule #1 is “You do not talk about fight club,” followed closely by Rule #2, “You DO NOT talk about fight club.” Which, believe it or not, brings me to today’s topic: The Real Estate Code of Ethics and Arbitration. Article 17 obligates Realtors to resolve fights disputes with another Realtor through arbitration (not litigation). Arbitration is conducted at the local board level, and I am not aware of a local board that doesn’t require arbitration to be confidential.

I respect that public internecine warfare amongst Realtors isn’t in the interest of our industry, and doesn’t belong in the public spotlight. I’m not here to advocate the collective airing of our dirty laundry. That said, I wonder if our collective agreement to keep our concerns confidential can inadvertently harm the consumer and ultimately makes all of us look a little shoddier?

To find the first arbitration guidelines created by NAR and distributed as a set of suggested rules for boards to follow, we have to travel all the way back in time to 1929. NAR’s first Code of Ethics & Arbitration Manual wasn’t created until 1973, and it credited a 1965 California Association of Realtors version as its model.

Appalling conduct

I can think of two instances in the past year where I was so appalled by the conduct of a fellow Realtor that I went to the trouble to inquire about how to lodge a Code of Ethics complaint with my local board. After weighing the time required to make a competent complaint and comparing it with the best case outcome (a closed-to-the-public hearing in which they were found to have violated the code of ethics), I decided not to pursue a complaint in both cases. My association’s bylaws (and probably yours) give it the power to discipline any member based on the results of a Code of Ethics hearing, “provided that the discipline imposed is consistent with the discipline authorized by the Professional Standards Committee of the National Association of REALTORS® as set forth in the Code of Ethics and Arbitration Manual of the National Association.”

“Sanctioning Guidelines” – (Appendix VII of Part 4 of the 2011 manual for the very curious), guides member boards to impose disciplinary consequences that are progressive and fair, taking all considerations into account. Sample first-time disciplinary actions include suggestions of a letter of warning, a fine (amounts range from $200 to $5,000 depending on the severity of the violation), and attendance at relevant education sessions. Not to sound defeatist, but a confidential letter of warning and a fine of around $200 doesn’t seem like an outcome worth investing much of my time in.

Practicing in the internet era

Given that we live and work in the internet era, and review sites like Yelp abound, it seems a bit odd to me that a local board might know of an agent with problem behavior that is documented yet choose to make that information unavailable to consumers. My understanding is that the results of a code of ethics hearing are confidential with disclosure authorized in a few situations, none of which deal with informing the public.

Many of my fellow colleagues feel that the best response to a bad agent is to be patient and give them enough time to work themselves out of business. I can respect and understand their hands-off approach. But what about the damage that individual does to our industry as a whole? While we whisper, warn in confidence and know amongst ourselves how awful they are, the public doesn’t get the benefit of our perspective. Deprived of it, they turn to consumer review sites like Yelp.

How do you think we, as an industry, can help consumers in their quest to find a trustworthy agent?

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Realtors, we really need to get over ourselves already



A letter from the child of a Realtor.

Real estate now vs. 1987

In Real Estate, some things are always changing, like financing, education, laws, rules and technology. The two that will always remain constant, as long as they are within the law, are following our clients’ directions, and working with their best interests in mind.  I’m not sure we always follow through with this, though.

Some of us knowingly take over priced listings.  Some of us take listings that are out of our area of expertise.  Some of us won’t show short sales or REOs.  Some of us won’t show homes with low co-op splits.  Some of us don’t have Supra/e-Keys, and miss out on those listings entirely.

Putting our interests first

When these things occur we are putting our own interests first, not our clients’.  We may think that by having as many listings as possible is a good thing, that’s what we’re taught after all, isn’t it?  It may not matter that some are overpriced, eventually, whether one month or four months down the line, the price will be reduced.  It’s just a matter of time and money, for our clients, after all.  The same can be said when we take listings outside our area of expertise, just to add on to our inventory.  If we don’t know what we’re doing, on a short sale listing, for example, it will only cost our clients a lot of time and money.  A lot.

By eliminating certain houses our clients see, that may already fit their criteria, we’re taking away their choices.  Distressed sales account for close to 40% of the market.  This is probably higher in some local markets.  There is no legitimate way to ignore roughly 1/3 of the homes being sold.  Co-op fees are often a touchy subject, especially when they are, not “enough.”  If everyone utilized a Buyer Broker Agreement that stipulated what their fee was, the issue would take care of itself.  Not being able to access listings with the use of Supra/e-Keys is a choice.   Choosing not purchase one will mean agents will not be able to access Fannie Mae (and eventually, probably additional Gov REO homes) along with the listings that are already using them.

Our priorities versus theirs

We totally need to get over ourselves already.  We are not bigger than our clients.  Our priorities are not more important than theirs when it comes to the actual listing and selling of homes.

Recently, my awesome parents dug through a few boxes and rounded up one of my first art projects. About 25 years ago I did the poster featured above about my Mom, and her Real Estate career.  It was for an Open House (no pun, honest!!!) for the elementary school where I attended first grade.  It was just, what she did according to me way back then.  Things are way more complicated now, than when I was six.  There’s a heck of a lot more paperwork for one.  But the same basic principle still applies.

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